Content Warning:

  parental/domestic/religious abuse, thoughts of self-harm, torture

  I didn’t sleep well. How was I meant to? Salvation or damnation, who could say which awaited me? Nox decided to sleep with me during the night. He’d been… surprisingly good company all things considered.

  My hand clung to the amulet Maeori had gifted me and looked off to the hole she dug. The thought of my most recent spell, Lesser Shape Earth, haunted my mind. I could leave, but then what? It would give them an excuse. They always wanted an excuse. Nox couldn’t contact Maeori, and I’d be hunted. Fleeing wasn’t an option before. But was it now? Would seeing my father be much better?

  For better or worse, I was staying here. Even if we all left Firstlanding, then what? I couldn’t say if that thought held worry or excitement. Did the gods feel this way as well before they set off on their grand adventures? When they were still mortal with no guarantee of success?

  Hellfire. Nox had offered it. To alight my soul ablaze with it. I didn’t know exactly what it did, but the way he spoke about it implied it would make me stronger. I imagine it was fire magic of some kind, but it had to be powerful. My soul belongs to Lady Corlyn; it wasn’t mine to trade away. Nor would I want to suffer damnation at the hands of the Devil Gods. When I die, I want to meet Lady Corlyn and, if I could be so selfish, have her praise me for serving her faithfully and justly.

  Nox heard the footsteps coming before I did. I fed him some mana so we could talk telepathically if need be and gave him the pendant to Lady Corlyn, before he dashed into the hole.

  Moments later, Steven entered. He looked at me with familiar scorn when he opened the door. “You have half an hour to make yourself presentable. Come now.” He grabbed one of my wrists before I could get up and began pulling me, while I stumbled, struggling to get my footing.

  I could feel the dagger against my thigh. Aside from the mana I fed Nox, I was overall in good condition. If I infused enough Aura into it, how close could I get? His back was turned. What if I had hellfire combined with it?

  “This is your nature,” echoed in my mind in Ivili’s voice, “you’re a human after all.” I pushed the thoughts from my mind. They wouldn’t do me any good. I wouldn’t win.

  Steven led me all the way to Corlyn’s Sect’s dormitories. “I trust even someone like you can find their way to the Bishop’s study. Don’t delay, don’t try anything foolish lest you’re seeking further penance.”

  Entering, I could feel the eyes on me as I walked through the halls. It was hardly the first time. I was filthy and a failure. They knew it. They could see it.

  “Are you alright, dearie?” One older nun asked, coming closer. I froze in place. What did she mean, and what did she want? “What happened to your face?”

  “M-my face?” I reached up a hand and felt the scarred skin that ran from my nose across my cheek. Oh, right, of course that’s what she meant. “It’s nothing. S-sorry, I must get going.” I walked past her. She called out, but I paid it no heed.

  Of course, they only cared when they could see something. When their illusion’s broken of me being some vow-breaking whore. The sinful and useless daughter of the Bishop. I wasn’t deaf to their rumors about me. I was in their stand-in. They could hurt me when they couldn’t hurt my father. I knew kindness was conditional. It seemed to meet their conditions; I had to be visibly injured and scarred.

  My head hung low when I entered my room. Would they have cared sooner if I showed up with bruises and scars? Was that why Steven made a point to heal me each time? To send me to the baths before sending me back? If I had shown up after having done that to myself, would they have cared sooner? So they could finally see what I felt. See what happened to me?

  “Hey, are you doing alright?” A voice said, startling me as I looked up to see Maeori sitting on the bed. She had several packed bags sitting next to her, one of which was slightly overflowing with paper. When I didn’t respond, she got up, walked over, and hugged me. “I went ahead and packed for you,” she whispered while embracing me.

  I wanted to cry, but knew that I shouldn’t. I was nothing without her, so I can’t waste her goodwill on something like this. Yet, still I couldn’t let go. There was a warmth in the embrace I hadn’t felt in such a long time that I needed to cling to so desperately. So I let it linger.

  After some time, it had to end.

  “Be careful,” she said before gathering the bags. “Glenn, he hasn’t exactly liked my strategy for leaving the city, and took some things upon himself. I honestly can't tell you what. He’s been set on taking care of it himself. It’s all been a pain, but hopefully we’ll be out of here by the end of the day. Anyways, take care.”

  “You as well,” I replied.

  I grabbed a fresh habit, washed up, and made myself presentable, while Maeori left with the bags to meet with Archie and Ivili. I wasn’t on my own for long as Glenn was waiting in the courtyard outside the dormitories. Fionn had said he’d be joining me to meet my father. It was welcomed, but worrisome.

  “Sofia, I’m sorry,” he said, struggling to face me. “I hadn’t realized what all was happening to you here. I should’ve done something to rescue you sooner. Instead, I talked about us helping other people. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “I-err, it’s alright,” I said, not knowing what to say. I hadn’t been expecting the apology.

  “It’s not,” Glenn said definitively, “but I’ve been using what connections I have to try to make things better.”

  Time passed as quickly as my heart was racing. The world around me was layered in a thick haze as we walked to the administrative building where my father’s study was. Through the doors, through the halls, and up the stairwell. My heart pounded harder the closer we got. Then suddenly, as if no time had passed, we were at the door of my father’s study. The memory of the trip here is already gone from my mind. There was a large welcoming room where my father could greet far more and far more important company than us. It was a lavishly decorated room with symbols and artifacts around its perimeter. Steven was waiting for us here, and when he turned his back, Glenn reached out and gave my hand a slight squeeze.

  “You’ll need to leave your weapon outside,” Steven said matter-of-factly, “I’m sure you understand, Sir Stoufund?”

  “Of course.” Glenn removed his belt containing a sword and dagger and laid them against a wall.

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  The three of us walked in. My father sat at his desk, looking over some papers. There was another individual in the room next to him who looked like a mage. My father was wearing a standard black cassock with a purple belt and green ornamentation around the shoulders. A necklace consisting of a silver shield with a golden axe in front of it, representing Lord Strolph. He looked up at us with his pale blue eyes and dirty blonde hair that was both thinning and graying. A firm smile crept across his face before turning into a frown.

  “Sofia, you look quite unsightly with that scar,” he said. “Reginald, you may leave us.” The mage cast a look at both of us before leaving, but more so at me. There were hints of anger there. “Would it have really been too hard to pay your father a visit?”

  I didn’t know what to say. It was doubtful if I could even manage to scrape together a sentence to begin with. My body was stiff and didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to be here.

  “Nothing to say?”

  After a moment’s silence, Glenn cleared his throat. “Bishop d’Acron. I do wish to discuss the contents of the letters I sent,” Glenn said with resolute confidence. I would’ve frozen if I wasn’t already. Letters? What letters. “I cannot help but believe there’s been a great injustice done to Sofia here. The gods even spoke to one among us and granted her a mission.”

  “You should know better than to spread blasphemous lies. Why would the gods waste their breath on weak fools such as yourselves? That claim alone should have you broken on the wheel,” my father said, glaring daggers at Glenn, “and injustice? Who exactly are you to tell the church of its business? Does some sellsword who renounced his family duties think he has the moral ground to tell me about justice?”

  “Why did you invite me here if not to discuss the letters I sent? I doubt the Duke-”

  “The Duke? Are you daring to suggest the authority of the church should bend to the whims of the nobility? Duke Rolocher needs us far more than a single Barony whose rulers can easily be replaced. A Barony, I will remind you, that you have no claim to anymore,” my father said, getting up and walking around his desk. “You ought to repent for daring to insinuate the authority of the Duke rivals that of the gods. Let alone the other transgression you’ve spoken of mere moments ago, or how you’ve dared to corrupt and seduce my daughter. But we’ll get to that. As for why you're here, your contract to escort Sofia is being annulled.”

  Glenn scowled, showing frustration despite his best attempts not to. I felt bad for Glenn, but none of this surprised me. My father wasn’t a man to listen to voices opposed to his own. “What do you mean? By the church’s own laws, only Corlyn’s Sect has the power to appoint guards for their followers.”

  “That only supposes she’s under their protection. Congratulations, Sofia, you’re being reassigned to serve in the parish of Drufort County. From your recent growth, I can only imagine that you’re finally approaching an appropriate level to graduate into an actual priestess. However, I’m disappointed by how long it’s taken you, especially given the promise you showed when you were younger. A flower that’s late to bloom is better than a flower that never does.”

  “But the rumors of Count Drufort-” Glenn began, looking at me concerned.

  “Are simply that. You should know better than to speak ill of your betters.”

  “Regardless of that, this is still a breach of our contract, and what about the villagers?”

  “Don’t worry, Sir Stoufond,” Steven said. “We’ll make sure you’ll have some whorish follower of Stultvultan you can wet your dick with to accompany you.”

  “Mayhaps that one strange woman who’s also been trying to corrupt my daughter,” my father said.

  “She’s not corrupting me!” I blurted out. I wasn’t sure why. Maeori might say she’s using me, but that was a lie. She cared, she had to, right? Why else would her embrace feel as warm as it had?

  “Hmm, so now you speak? How curious,” my father mused. “You know I can’t say why gods have decided to waste any of their abilities on you and some street rat you’ve brought in. You’re too lost in fantasies and deceit, forsaking your family duty in the process. It’s clear that I failed in raising you. I won’t make the same mistake with your brother and sister.”

  “B-brother and sister?”

  “Oh? Admitting you haven’t been home in some time, are we?”

  “W-why didn’t you tell me? About my siblings?”

  “Why should I? You defied and rejected everything I gave to you. Do you really think you’d be where you are now if not for me? You know it was a shame that the heathenous ‘mentor’ of yours had to undo all the work I invested into you. I had high hopes for it. Even more so after seeing how pious and docile your mother became after her stay at the Severance Knight’s monastery.”

  My jaw clenched at his words. Of course, I wasn’t the only one whose life he was ruining. I still remember what I saw him do to my mother. Why didn’t I think something would happen with me gone? But there was nothing I could do. Glenn as well. If he wanted us dead, we would be. Because the gods loved him far more than me.

  “What in the hells is wrong with you?!” Glenn said, shocked, stepping forwards, “What gives you the ri-”

  My father quickly chanted a spell that caused Glenn to be silenced. His mouth still moved, but no sound could be heard. He stopped trying to talk after a moment and glared at my father. “The ‘right’? Surely you’re aware that Lord Strolph was a paragon of virtue and justice when he was mortal and more so after his ascension. As his highest priest in the region, I carry his legacy. He’s seen me fit to wield seventh-tier spells. If anyone has the right to cast judgments, it’s me. Perhaps, it's time for you to repent for your sins, by the very right the gods gave me to judge you.” He quickly chanted and cast another spell

  Glenn fell over, as light from my father's spell enveloped his armor. He tried to scream, but no sound came out. The smell of charring flesh reached me quickly as I saw his armor glow red-hot. I froze for a moment before casting Lesser Ward to Fire and two Lesser Healings.

  “Hmm, did you not properly serve your penance, Sofia? Perhaps this will double as repentance for you.”

  If I were to go after the caster, then maybe it’ll drop, but that’s what he wants, isn’t it? With the dagger, with my Aura… No, all I can do is try to match or overcome the damage with healing. That’s all I’m good for. I can’t save Glenn from this torture. The gods were good, right? Why were they allowing this to happen?

  The heat of the armor intensified as Glenn thrashed for a moment, trying to pull himself up. There was a vengeful focus in his eyes. Steven looked like he wanted to rush in, but hesitated, pulling out a sword from behind a bookcase instead. On his feet, Glenn’s armor was bright red as he stood up and pulled off a pauldron and flung it at my father.

  My father said a quick chant as the shimmering glow of a holy shield appeared in front of him. It harmlessly bounced off. The edges of his lips curled slightly upwards. “It would seem Sir Stoufund has made an attempt on my life. Execute him as you see fit, Brother Steven. I trust your judgement on such things, and I’ll trust you to see to my daughter as well.”

  “Of course, your excellency. I shall see to it.” Steven began walking towards us. This was their plan from the beginning, wasn’t it? My father returned to his desk and resumed his paperwork, either disinterested or certain of the outcome.

  Glenn's armor began to cool, likely so Steven wouldn’t be harmed by it. I cast another healing spell on Glenn. He seemed to be more stable, but we didn’t have the time for me to cast my more powerful Ritual Heal. “Run,” he whispered to me. I didn’t need to be told twice. Glenn led the charge. The doors were locked, but he managed to burst through them. I was beginning to worry he was infusing too much Aura when he should’ve saved it to shield himself, but now wasn’t the time for that. I infused some Aura in my legs so I could run faster.

  Steven began to give chase, looking quite pleased with the outcome. Glenn's breaths were pained. I was more able-bodied and faster at the moment, so I grabbed his swordbelt while he continued to run. We needed a plan, and neither of us was in the mindset to come up with one as we ran out of another set of doors to the hallway.

  “You’re making this worse for both of you,” Steven called out, gaining on us.

  Glenn grit his teeth, grabbed the swordbelt from me, and unsheathed the longsword. I cast another healing spell on him while he started to clash with Steven. Throwing in a radiant flame to try to put Steven off balance, but even with my help, Glenn was hurt, slow, and Steven was strong in his own right. The fight in the middle of the hall was met with a mix of looks as clergymen peeked out of their offices at the sounds of the swords clashing.

  “Nox, we’re in trouble, help!” I tried calling out in my head in desperation.

  “Flee to the catacombs, I shall bring the Mistress,” he responded to me.

  I looked back towards Glenn to see Steven’s sword stab through his armor into his stomach. Glenn grit his teeth and took it, grabbing Steven’s arm and, with a twist, flung him towards a nearby window. Steven crashed through it. We were two stories up, but he never screamed.