My eyes ached, and both my head and limbs felt heavy as I looked through the roof and could see the stars. Necessity had outweighed the concerns I had over the structural integrity of this tower. The roof was rotted and mostly collapsed. It looked like the goblins, who’d previously inhabited this tower, had done their best to maintain the first floor. However, they let the upper levels rot in the process. Hopefully, it won’t be a problem during our stay here; thankfully, the stone walls seemed sturdy enough.

  Archie and Ivili had made quick work of forcibly and permanently evicting the tower’s previous tenants last night, while Sofia and I stayed with the horses. The sight afterwards was grim, of course. Though according to Archie, the goblins and the Duchy have been at war for centuries. Though I doubted whether one could really consider it a war in any meaningful way. I did design this region to be more majority human, so it was doubtful how many or how organized the goblins really were.

  I wasn’t sure if that was simple prejudice or if I was to blame for mistakenly using goblins as generic monster enemies around here at some point. Regardless, it was yet another item on the endlessly growing list of things I needed to fix when I have the power to.

  I let out a deep yawn; sleep hadn’t come easily the last two nights. It wasn’t, or at least not entirely, from Archie’s obnoxiously loud snoring or Sofia trembling in her sleep as she held on to me. Those things I could address. The ringing in my ears, an endless sound of buzzing static that felt like it was coming from my core, was a constant agony.

  I wasn’t sure what it was coming from, but it started back when we had to fight the Severance Knight lackies. The unnerving, but warm and filling sensation happened again when they died. The only theory I had was that if it was ‘xp’ then maybe I was close to or in the process of ‘levelling up’. Though, strangely, I hadn’t felt this before. Theoretically, I must’ve levelled up at least once if I was judging my current capabilities compared to what most ttrpg systems had.

  However, I wasn’t entirely convinced it was some experience point analog. I hadn’t felt the sensation when we fought the undead. Though perhaps if I were in the process of leveling up now, then I couldn’t gain more?

  I’ve felt the sensation with most things I’ve killed or have been in close proximity to the death of. I felt it with some Crypt Rats, though that wasn’t as strong as the two men in the slums. This time, it was the most potent I’ve felt it, especially for Glenn’s death.

  As annoying as I found him, it was a shame that Glenn died. I don’t know what kind of stuff they were feeding him, but he was strong, though tragically simple. If he were still around, we would have a much easier time getting to Northwatch. However, with him gone and where we were, even leaving the Duchy was in question.

  I suppose we have the benefit of extra time. We can travel in whatever roundabout way we need as long as I can make it to Northwatch by the festival of Strolph. Not only would that put me on track to meet Lydescia, an archmage NPC I’m all but certain I can convince to help me, but it also gives me a chance to see if Lily would be here in my world as well. Though none of that really matters if we can’t make it out of the duchy.

  Sofia clenched hard onto my arm and broke me from my thoughts. She was trembling again in her sleep. I didn’t know why she chose me, of all people, to do that to begin with. I’d imagine she’d have more familiarity with Ivili, but here she was.

  She’d been holding on or hovering around me a lot since Glenn’s death, not knowing how much I’ve ruined her life. Considering that I painted the broad strokes, causing the church to be the way it was, it wasn’t unfair to say that I was responsible for everything wrong that had befallen her. Yet here she clung to me, as though somehow I was capable of saving her from her nightmares I helped cause.

  With my one hand that was free from Sofia’s grasp, I adjusted the furs we were using to keep warm. Not that I overly felt the chill. If anything, it was rather warm for my taste, but it helped to keep her comfortable.

  It was bittersweet in a way; it had been a long time since I was last used like this. Not since Lily over a decade ago. As much as I wanted to wish and pretend that I was better off now than I was as some powerless freshman in high school, to believe that I had the power to prevent things from repeating by making them better, I knew that I didn’t. Not in the moment, but I will eventually. That promise for something more later was all I ever needed to keep me going.

  I shifted a bit, trying to free my arm, only for Sofia to cling more tightly to it while muttering something in her sleep. I knew I merely disturbed her, but part of me felt as though she was unconsciously trying to convince me she wouldn’t inevitably leave. I could feel a pit open in my stomach. As nice as it would be to believe that anyone wouldn’t inevitably throw me to the wayside, the march of time will be more honest than a moment’s grief. The best I could hope for was that she wouldn’t leave in the same way Lily did.

  It all left a somewhat poor taste in my mouth. Never mind the buzzing. Tonight was yet another one, where sleep wouldn’t find me. Once I found the opportunity, I slowly slipped loose of Sofia’s grip. Nox was lying on the otherside of Sofia and perked up slightly at me getting up. I made a quick gesture for him to stay as I moved to the tower’s exit. The air was rather brisk as I exited the tower. It reminded me of when I first arrived in this world almost nine months ago.

  The tower stood on a rather small and unnatural plateau. Likely made with magic if I had to guess. However, it wouldn’t be unfair to say my judgment was slightly biased from the myriad of craters, jagged spires, and other such unnatural oddities that dotted the grasslands. Raising a larger cylinder of stone with a tower on it? Probably no problem for the wizard that did the rest of that mess.

  Though the plateau was small, it was large enough for a well and a small stable. Though both were in similar states of disrepair to the tower. Wood was scarce, though two, somewhat fresh, logs were dragged around an unlit firepit.

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  Ivili was outside on watch, sitting on one of the logs. Her ears twitched as she looked over to see me exit. “Can’t sleep?”

  “Something like that. I’m surprised you all can ever sleep with how loud Archie is.”

  She gave a slight smile. “Surprisingly, I’ve gotten used to it.” She turned back to face this weird, forgotten battlefield we found ourselves in, and I took a seat next to her. Ivili was, in a way, the biggest enigma to me. Sofia wanted the approval of the gods. Archie wanted money. Glenn had his dreams to chase. I wasn’t sure what she was after, or really much about her.

  “You came from the Realm of Faeries originally?” I asked, not quite sure where to start a conversation.

  “Hm? I did. Not all too long ago.”

  “Let me guess, this is leading to a joke about how ten years isn’t too long.”

  “Am I really that predictable?” She said with a slight chuckle. “You’re not one who enjoys small talk, are you? Is something on your mind?”

  “I’ll confess there are a few things I’d like to ask about,” I said, pausing. The relentless buzzing echoed around inside me. My mind was shot from lack of sleep despite it seeming to energize my body. I had to figure out a way to make it go away, and I doubted I should lead with, ‘Do you get energised by killing people?’.

  “There are a number of stories I know of,” I said, trying, and arguably failing, to come up with a less grim topic, “about elves living beyond their less long-lived companions. I wasn’t sure if that was something you’ve experienced.” It was the only other thing still on my mind that night.

  “Is this about Glenn?”

  “Him or anyone else. Sorry to make you live painful memories for my curiosity. I suppose I’m curious how or if you’ve dealt with people when they leave your life. Be it by death or otherwise.”

  “They say every parting might be the final one. Though I’ve suffered, fortunately, few of them. When you live a long time and mostly know others who do as well, it's easy to take seeing them again for granted. You might have it worse than I have. You said you came from a different continent against your will, correct? Is this about the people you’ve left behind?”

  “I didn’t leave anyone behind! They all left me, even before I was teleported here,” I said, perhaps a bit too aggravated.

  Ivili raised an eyebrow, but it was an annoying connection she was trying to make. I would’ve been there for them, for any of my friends and/or players. Well, maybe except for one or two who turned out to be weirdos. Aside from those exceptions, I would’ve been there if they let me in. I was always the one putting in more effort anyway. The moment I stopped being the one who scheduled things, who made the plans, was the moment I was forgotten about. Because I simply didn’t matter as much to them. There was Lily for a time; she reached out, she was my only real friend, but even she left eventually.

  “I’m sorry for wounding you,” Ivili said. Her words were even measured, and her lips pursed slightly afterwards as if looking for the right words before deciding against words entirely as we sat in silence for a few minutes. “I suppose I’ve always seen it as people come and go like different breezes. You can enjoy a gust on a warm day, but it won’t cool you forever. Likewise, a winter’s wind may chill you for longer than expected, before you need to seek shelter. It’s not a simple thing to generalize the comings and goings of the winds, without knowing what each brings and how long each has to stay.”

  In otherwords a non-answer. Perhaps it wasn’t fair to expect more. I took a breath to try to steady myself. My lack of sleep was negatively affecting my composure. “If you can believe it, that was supposed to be a milder conversation starter to a heavier topic.”

  She gave me a crestfallen smile, but didn’t say anything.

  She wasn’t one for heavy topics, perhaps, but I took it as permission to continue. “I don’t suppose this is a phenomenon that you’re acquainted with, but have you ever felt something, almost like some kind of energy, flow into you and energize you when people die near you?”

  “You haven’t been studying necromancy, have you?” Her tone darkened. “That sounds like something foul’s afoot.”

  “Please, if I were complicit in something duplicitous, I wouldn’t be telling you so openly. I agree, it sounds twisted and absurd. It’s a rather recent discovery that has me worried. I hadn’t exactly led a life thus far where I’ve had opportunities to experience it before. I didn’t know if it was something that happened for others, or if there’s something strange going on with me.”

  “Hm, you are rather strange…”

  “Please, tell me something I don’t know,” I quipped.

  She smirked; at least the joke lightened the mood a bit. “That’s not something I’ve ever felt. Rather, I find it, killing, rather draining. Not in an energy flowing from me way. Rather feelings-wise. Could it be a human thing? When you kill other humans? I’ve heard your kind are quite violent, and that could be why.”

  “I doubt that. If it were a human thing, we’d probably bring ourselves to extinction. We’ve already come up with plenty of excuses to kill one another as it is.”

  Ivili paused for a bit. “Are you even human?”

  I laughed for a moment, thinking it was some kind of joke. Though taking a second look, she wasn’t laughing or even smiling in a jovial manner; instead, her face remained stern. It was a serious question? “I don’t exactly have any reason to believe otherwise. I imagine there’s a reason you ask?”

  She shrugged. “You have a strange air to you. It’s not something I’ve felt before. Lest we not forget as well that you received a divine revelation, were randomly teleported into the woods, and also summoned a devil.”

  “And you’re implying what exactly?”

  “Only that you aren’t normal. What you are is amusing, and I can appreciate that. However, not everyone does. Archie, for instance, is getting a little pissy because he’s finally realizing you’re ‘full of shite’. He’s boring in that respect, holding it all in and not saying anything until he finally bursts, but when it does happen its amusing.” She leaned back and smiled widely at me. “But, I like the puzzle, and I know some of it’s true. You’re a good liar. You weave your words carefully and combine half-truths to suit your fancy.”

  “I think you’re mistaken, as outlandish as my situation seems, it’s earnest.” I looked her in the eyes while she returned a mischievous smile. The honest answer was that who I was in this world was far-fetched. Yet, I couldn’t risk telling them. Both for if they’d turn against me or if some god was listening in. I’ve attracted their attention, so they could very well be keeping somekind of tab on me.

  “So you say, whilst attempting to lure me into a trap that I can see plain as day. Don’t worry, though, so long as it doesn’t seem to be too threatening, you can keep your secrets from me. I even welcome it. It’s more fun that way.”

  I gave her a sideeye before leaving. Perhaps I have overplayed my hand with the same lie. I’ll need to be a bit more creative about it, I suppose. It wouldn’t be a simple thing to pick a role and stick to it. I know too much, and the longer we stayed in a group, the more chances I had to slip up. The revelation was a convenient excuse to be flexible with what I knew.

  Back in the tower, Sofia was trembling in her sleep again. Nox seemingly was not enough to chase away her nightmares. It didn’t take her too long after I lay back down for her to cling to me again. It wasn’t in the way I would’ve preferred, but I suppose if it helps her.