Why would she suggest such a ridiculous thing? She didn’t know anything about serving an evening meal in her dwelling, let alone how to prepare one. And yet she finds herself standing in the middle of her kitchen staring at a collection of ingredients that she purchased at the grocery store.

  She may have been overzealous during her shopping, but having too much was better than having too little. But seeing everything only serves to remind her that she doesn’t know how to cook.

  She pulled out her comms device and called the only person she could trust to keep a secret: human Eugene.

  He didn’t ask any questions; instead, he got straight to work giving her step-by-step instructions on how to prepare a roast dinner with mashed potatoes and oven-roasted vegetables. He wasn’t much help with baking, unless she wanted bread. She did not.

  Keylynn has watched and heard Gwen talk about her baking enough that she should be able to replicate something with ease. Perhaps she can try cinnamon-spiralled pastries.

  She looked around a moment until she was able to locate the flour, eggs, sugar, oil, milk, and cinnamon that she needed. She heard enough rants from Gwen that she is to mix all of her dry ingredients in one bowl and the wet ingredients in another, and then and only then is she to mix the wet ingredients into the dry. That made a gooey dough similar to that of human Eugene’s slimy goo that he said made the best bread.

  Her goo was not as accommodating as her slime moulds when it comes to taking any sort of shape. “Please ring loudly and ceaselessly when I need to depart to meet Tiv right before she closes,” she asked, glaring at her lifeless goo.

  She huffed again at the goo that refused to roll and keep its shape. She returned it all to the bowl and glowered at it. She has to begin the rest of her evening meal soon, or it will not be ready in time. And the last thing she wanted was to make Tiv wait after her long day of running her cafe for an evening meal.

  She ignored her ringing bell mushrooms as she glared at the starchy mess that was supposed to be her mashed potatoes. They were far too runny and crunchy at the same time. Her oven-roasted vegetables weren’t much better. They were on fire when she pulled them out of the oven, and she hasn’t had the time to make a new batch. As for her roast, she’d rather not think about it. She sent it back to the oven to think about its choices before she pulls it out again. Her goop never formed enough structure to spiral like she thought they should, so she sent them to the oven to firm up with a threat that they will taste good when she pulls them out.

  The ringing grew louder and more insistent.

  “Thank you, I’m leaving now!” She called to them. She was late. She urged her hyphae to clean her up as she rushed out of her house and down the streets. The last thing she needed was for Tiv to see her covered in flour and unwieldy goop.

  She arrived to watch Tiv lock up her shop. She was definitely late.

  When Tiv turned with a sour-looking face, she brightened the moment she saw Keylynn. “For a moment there I thought I would have to find your home all on my own.”

  Keylynn very much doubted Tiv was going to find her dwelling at all. “My deepest apologies, I got caught up on my…preparations, that is all.”

  Tiv walked towards her with a playful smile. “You have been making preparations for me?”

  She nodded, feeling her cheeks grow hot. She shouldn’t have said that; she should have said something like a fungal emergency happened. No one ever inquires about her fungal emergencies. “Yes, of course, should I not?”

  Tiv shook her head with a smile. “No, no. I’m just surprised, that’s all. Shall we go see the product of your preparations?”

  Keylynn stood there realizing just now that she will have to show Tiv the results of her preparations. She can’t. Her preparations are nothing short of a mess, and that is not what Tiv deserved. She deserved nothing but the best.

  Tiv looked at her expectantly.

  Keylynn cleared her throat. “Yes, let’s. I hope you find my dwelling to your preferences.”

  Tiv wrapped her arm around hers and gestured for them to start. “Of that I have little doubt.”

  Keylynn looked down, biting her lip. She doubted that very much. She walked Tiv towards her dwelling and her demise.

  With every step her heart thundered in her ears. This was a huge mistake. The moment Tiv sees her dwelling, she will never want to see her again. Her fungi are all over the place, she has a literal dirt floor, and she failed to make an edible dinner.

  She stood in front of her dwelling far sooner than she wished to. “So—yes, this is my dwelling. It’s not much from the outside. Or the inside. It serves me well. Strong walls.”

  “And smoking,” Tiv added.

  “Smoking?” Keylynn frowned. Her dwelling doesn’t smoke. She opened her front door and was greeted with a thick black plume of smoke. She rushed through her home into the kitchen and to her oven. She urged the wind to blow all of the smoke out of her house as she pulled out first his goo balls that were now blackened and burnt and then her dried crunchy roast.

  Neither listened when she demanded that they be edible when she returned to retrieve them from the oven.

  “Your preparation were making dinner for me?” Tiv asked from behind her.

  Keylynn jumped and turned around. “I— yes. As it turns out, cooking is beyond my skills. I do not blame you if you wish to leave.” She bit her lip. Her kitchen was covered in flour, goop, roast drippings, herbs, and spices. She made a complete and total mess.

  Tiv stepped closer and slid her arms down hers, pulling her close. “I am honoured that you went to such lengths for me.” Her forehead pressed against Keylynn's. “How about you sit and I cook us a meal?”

  Keylynn looked up slowly. Tiv’s lips were within reach. In other circumstances she would have bridged the gap. “I can’t insult you. I invited you here, and it’s after your work. To have you prepare your evening meal as my guest is… is… is… I don’t know, but it's an insult!” She stammered out, her cheeks flushing red.

  Tiv’s eyes pierced through her as if they saw right through her. “I think it would be more insulting if you refused to let me cook for you. It would say you don’t trust my cooking, would it not?”

  She didn’t have a response for that. It was calamitous that she was standing in her dwelling, seeing her failed dinner. But she wasn’t running away. She wasn’t coming up with a polite reason for her to leave. She was wanting to stay. And cook.

  “I—I at the very least should clean up my mess.”

  Tiv gave her arms a squeeze before letting go. “That’s more like it. You handle the cleanup, and I’ll see what I can make from your—” Her words paused as she saw Keylynn’s kitchen table filled with ingredients. “Did you buy all of this for dinner?”

  “I—yes. I didn’t know what you liked,” she answered and turned her attention to the kitchen. She reached out to all of her colonies and insects and thanked them for their patience thus far. She invited them all to come and absorb everything in the kitchen. She needed every dish and surface, excluding the table, clean.

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  Her kitchen became a flurry of fungi and chitin cleaning her mess. She smiled at her colonies and insects coming to her aid and turned to Tiv. She was investigating everything that Keylynn recently purchased.

  “Why didn’t you just prepare something that you would have made for yourself?”

  She fidgeted with her fingers. Now that she was seeing how much she brought home, it did seem like a lot. “It was no trouble, and nothing will be going to waste.”

  Tiv turned to her. If she was disgusted by the manner in which Keylynn was cleaning her kitchen, she hid it well. “But why go through all the trouble?” She asked softly.

  “Because you deserve the trouble, if there was any. Which it was not,” she retorted. Tiv doesn’t need to know that Keylynn typically eats her food raw. Anything that she doesn’t like the taste of she simply absorbs with her hyphae. She didn’t need to cook her food, and sometimes she preferred it when her food was rotting.

  Tiv smiled at her. “So, would it be insensitive to ask if we can have some mushrooms? You didn’t purchase any, and I make a terrific mushroom gravy.”

  No one has ever wanted to eat her mushrooms before, well, besides human Eugene, who wanted hallucinogenics or BEEG. “I have a kitchen cultivation that you are free to select mushrooms from.” She pointed to the wall that she converted to a mushroom cultivation. “And it appears the kitchen is clean, all yours.”

  “You and your colonies have my thanks. Now out.” Tiv gently pushed her out of the kitchen.

  She took her seat at the kitchen table. There was no way that she was going to miss out on the chance to watch Tiv cook.

  Tiv rolled up her sleeves and flashed Keylynn a playful smile before she got to work. It was obvious then that Keylynn was clueless when it came to cooking. Tiv moved through the motions as an adventurer swings their sword, confident and graceful. She moved seamlessly from chopping to sizzling oil.

  She was strong, gentle, and fierce all at once as she tamed the stove. She imposed her will on the uncooked ingredients. It was magic all on its own. Watching Tiv rivalled watching a wizard craft a unique spell. It was mesmerizing. Keylynn would happily watch Tiv cook all day and night.

  Two plates were set on the table before Tiv sat down directly across from Keylynn. Everything on the plate looked exactly as it should. Nothing was blackened, nor were the steaks hardened slabs of leather.

  “Everything looks divine.” She said before taking a bite. The potatoes were lightly seasoned with garlic and were perfectly crisp on the outside while remaining soft and smooth on the inside. A moan escaped from her lips.

  Tiv chuckled. “That is always a good noise to hear. It tells me a job well done.”

  Keylynn blushed. “Well, you were right; to not let you cook would do you a disservice.”

  Tiv smiled. “Then dig in.”

  They ate in a comfortable silence. Everything that Tiv cooked tasted just as good as it looked. It made Keylynn wonder why she ran a cafe when she could easily run a restaurant.

  “I have been a terrible host. In all my attempts to cook, I forgot to give you a tour of my dwelling,” she said after she set both empty plates in the sink. Her fungi can clean up the kitchen later.

  “You have not been a terrible host. You let me show off my skills in the kitchen, allowing me to impress you. But I will admit I am curious to see the rest of your home.” Tiv stood when she did.

  “I hope you like fungus and insects,” Keylynn teased nervously. She should have said dirt. She has dirt in every room of her house. Most don’t find dirt floors filled with insects and fungi as charming or cozy. She only hoped that Tiv wouldn’t be sick after she saw the rest of her house. She was stupid for suggesting a tour. She didn’t do a tour for her friends, so why does she need to do one now?

  Tiv took Keylynn’s anxious hand in her warm, comforting one. “If fungi and insects were frightening, then I think that would be my fault for accepting your invitation and not yours.”

  “Then you would be the first,” Keylynn whispered under her breath. She cleared her throat and pointed to the vine-like fungi overhead. “That is a carnivorous fungus that I found in a jungle. They eat insects and anything really that finds itself ensnared. And be mindful on the walls. The slug mushrooms are known to slough off when they are disturbed.” She watched Tiv, waiting for the blood to drain from her face. But it didn’t happen.

  As Keylynn pointed out all of her fungal colonies and insects, Tiv held her hand and listened intently. She didn’t even make a face when it was clear all of her floors were made of dirt.

  With every fungus that she mentioned, she expected Tiv to release her hand and make some excuse to leave, but she didn’t. Not when she showed her bedroom with the bed that she rarely uses or in the humid green room.

  “You can stop expecting me to leave. If I was, it would have been when you cleaned your kitchen with mushrooms and mould,” Tiv stated confidently, interrupting Keylynn’s explanations of an extremely acidic slime mould.

  “I am not expecting you to leave.”

  “So, melting bones is delightful post-dinner conversation?” She teased.

  Keylynn blushed. “Maybe I simply want you to know the dangers of my colonies.”

  “So I have a perfectly rational reason to leave?”

  She avoided her eyes. “I don’t have guests often.”

  “So what frightfully poisonous and deadly fungus lives behind this door?” Tiv asked, gesturing to her book room. Keylynn was grateful for the change of topics.

  “Oh, no fungi dwell in there. That’s where my books are,” Keylynn said with a smile.

  “Are these dangerous books that will attack me if I step foot inside?” Tiv teased her.

  “Only if you wish to have them topple on you.” Keylynn opened the door without the feeling of dread bubbling under her skin. Books were a normal thing to find in a dwelling.

  The walls were lined with bookshelves, while the rest of the room was empty. She will admit the missing furniture did make it a strange room, but she did like the idea of not working in the room with her books. It makes her not want to be with her books when she doesn’t have work. Not that she’s been home all that much recently.

  Keylynn walked around the shelves, biting her lip. If she doesn’t appreciate her books, she will be devastated. She loves her books. Her books have always been there, ready to envelop her in their comfort whenever she requires. She didn’t need friends because she had her books and countless friends that resided within their pages.

  “This is quite the collection. I can see why you keep them separate from your many deadly fungi,” Tiv said thoughtfully, running her green fingers over the spines gently.

  “Keylynn nodded. “Especially the older ones. Those are like candy to them. Impossible to resist.”

  “You read broadly and widely and across languages. I know I shouldn’t ask, but have you read most of them?” Tiv looked away from the books to look at her.

  “I have. The tomes of knowledge are the ones I am lacking in currently. They are simply less fun to read, but I do enjoy collecting them.” She gestured to the bookshelf that holds most of her informative books. Those tend to be the ones that Riv likes to borrow. “Some of these I’ve had for over 200 years now. I can’t bear to part with them even if they are as dull as sand is hot.”

  “You look good for a woman over 200,” Tiv flashed her a smirk. “Which ones are your favourites?”

  Keylynn paused. Of all the questions she expected, that wasn’t one of them. She was prepared to defend herself for collecting several copies of the same book or collecting books that she may never find herself reading. She walked to the right wall shelf and smiled. “This shelf here carries all of my favourites. They aren’t as well organized as my other shelves, but these are definitely the most fun.”

  Her shelves were organized by language, age, and genre, all except her favourites shelf, which spanned the entire right wall of the room. These books were organized entirely on her mood and how she was feeling about her books. She reorganizes this one regularly, often when she reads a new favourite.

  “I find it too hard to have a singular book be my favourite because I adore them all for different reasons. Some of these tomes are stories that I grew up hearing, while others are fun romances I can fall into. Some books are a comforting embrace on a cold winter’s night, while others are a fun adventure. Some helped me understand my connection to fungi. These are the ones I reach for most when I lack any new books, and even when I have new books.” She ran her hands over the spines lovingly. These were her friends long before she made friends. When she first showed Dauven her book collection, he was all but salivating at the mouth.

  Tiv stepped right beside Keylynn and scanned the shelves. “Why, Keylynn, I didn’t take you for a romance fan.” She pointed out a particularly fun romance about a lady pirate who was saved by a princess, and they later fell in love. Keylynn never thought of a ship's net in such a manner until she read it.

  “A corset-ripping romance on the open seas with krakens—what’s not to love?” She smiled. “If you loved that one, wait until you read this one.” She pulled out a book. On the cover were two women in a passionate embrace while sitting astride a dragon flying through the air. “There’s a noble kingsguard who left her position to save the queen, and they end up running away with each other. And there’s dragons.”

  Tiv smirked down at that cover. “Chainmail bikini is a terrible idea, not just for armour, but for all the pinching.” She grimaced.

  “You can always line the chain with something soft, can you not?” Keylynn asked with a smirk.

  Tiv chuckled. “Thought about it have you?”

  Keylynn blushed.

  “May I ask, where is the furniture for this room? It can’t be comfortable reading with nowhere comfortable to sit.” Tiv changed the subject for her.

  “Right, yes, my furniture. I moved it for cleaning and haven’t moved it back.”

  “Well, we can’t very well read this riveting tale of love and dragons without at least a place to sit. Where can I find this moved furniture?” Tiv asked, surprising Keylynn.

  “I— I can’t ask you to move my furniture.”

  “Now it’s a good thing you’re not asking,” Tiv remarked playfully.

  Keylynn let out a sigh. “Very well, but I’d rather not move my office furniture back because it’s not conducive for comfortable reading.”

  “Very well, lead the way.”