I just want to crawl into a hole and never see any of these people ever again. In all fairness, they have all been very nice about it. Even though I accused them all of setting that sword thing up to take the piss out of me. I feel like such an idiot.

  There was even more celebrating and several awful speeches after all that shit with the sword too. The whole situation was beyond uncomfortable. The duke had a special scabbard brought over for me and now I’m wearing that stupid sword on my back.

  It's stupid me even wearing it on my back. I won’t even be able to draw the damn thing with it back there. I’ll have to take it off to get it out. Which doesn’t bode well for an emergency.

  That story has to be a load of bollocks. How on earth am I going to save the entire town using this stupid thing… I’m not trained with a sword… I use daggers. I mean… I do have to admit… the sword does feel lighter than I would have expected… it must be made with some lightweight material… and there is clearly magic in it… what with the glowing thing that happened before. But I can’t wield magic… so yeah… no way in hell am I going to be using it to save anyone.

  After all that nonsense with the sword, Lady Katherine spent a gods-awful amount of time dragging me around and showing me off to all her noble friends. They were all so painfully stuck up and smug… and what is it with posh people and having bloody ridiculous names?

  After what felt like an eternity… the dances started. Fortunately, this seems to be one of those things where the men ask the women to dance, so I managed to move to the side of the room and spend some time talking to Phoenix and Kiyui. Agaroth bounded over to us in a rather drunken state.

  Agaroth: How’s the town saviour getting’ on then?”

  Dwynfel: “Please don’t.”

  Agaroth: “Ah, don’t be so miserable. Prophecies, premonitions, all that stuff… it’s all a load a shite.”

  Phoenix: “And you would know this how?”

  Agaroth: “Remember that advisor that the duke used tae have? I forget his name… Bowson… Beaufort or some shite. Ya know, that family of fortune tellers that advised the duke’s family for generations.”

  I do remember reading something about that. My book never specified his name. Just that he was a disciple of the watcher.

  Phoenix: “I do have some recollection of that.”

  Agaroth: “Daft twats advised the family for decades. Could see intae the future, or so they claimed. Only aboot ten percent of what they said came true. And let’s be honest, you can have better percentage wi’ intelligent guesswork. Eventually, the duke got tired of the bullshit and dismissed the bloke. Fuck knows where he is now.”

  Phoenix: “Are you getting to a point?”

  Agaroth: “I’m sayin’ not tae worry aboot prophecies an’ shite, cause they’re all bollocks. We make our own futures, so don’t worry aboot the magical sword now rulin’ ya life. Instead, just enjoy the fame that wieldin’ the bastard thing brings ya. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off tae the buffet. That wee ginger cunt seems tae be eatin’ all the good bits.”

  And with that, he staggered off to the buffet table.

  Phoenix: “It concerns me that we will forever be associated with that man.”

  I looked over to see Agaroth and Tadwick taking full advantage of the buffet. I have no idea how Agaroth was devouring what looked like a whole chicken so quickly. He only left us a matter of seconds ago.

  Dwynfel: “We should probably try to stop him from teaching Tadwick bad habits.”

  Kiyui: “Oh, let the boy have some fun. He probably isn’t going to encounter such a vast array of food again.”

  I looked around the room properly for the first time. When I first entered, I was far too nervous to actually analyse the situation. But now that things have calmed down a bit, I can take things in better. The vast majority of the guests are human… with a few exceptions.

  There seems to be a representative from the Anubis Empire. He’s a rat with a jackal as a butler. I am quite surprised by the size of the jackal… I was rather expecting them to be a tall, resplendent creatures… but he looks to be my height… which is far from impressive… if anything he looks kind of novel in the butler outfit… I wonder why the Anubis Empire is so obsessed with them. It can’t all be because of what Kiyui said about their birthing habits, surely.

  There is a halfling at the far side of the room… if it wasn’t for his bright blue goatee, I would have thought him a child. It’s odd seeing a halfling here… must be here for some diplomatic reason.

  Lastly, there appears to be an equine child… looks about ten or eleven. He has beautifully flowing rainbow hair, bright white wings, and a horn… that is incredibly rare… to be both a pegasus and a unicorn is almost unheard of. I can’t see any other equines here… he couldn’t be the child of the couple from that wedding all those years ago… nah… he’s too old… then again… I don’t know the ins and outs of equine childhood… maybe they grow faster than humans… like goblins do… who knows.

  Other than that, everyone here is human. Chloe seems to be patrolling the grounds; I keep seeing her walk past the windows. Tristan and Lucas seem to be up on the mezzanine with the band… must be using it as a vantage point to view the whole room. Flynn and Robert are stood by the thrones and the big stone wall where the sword used to be. Good to know that the knights are here… I wonder if they are expecting something… do events like this normally require a full knight squad? Or does the duke always have a knight squad surrounding him?

  Oh gods… one of those gods-awful women from earlier is coming over… hopefully she’ll just walk right past…

  Gentle: “Oh, Dwynfel. Not taking this beauty of yours for a dance?”

  Dwynfel: “I’m afraid that I am not one for dancing…”

  Gentle: “Oh, did your mother not teach you?”

  Phoenix: “Leave the boy alone, Gentle. He had more important skills to learn.”

  Gentle: “Oh, calm down, Patience. I’m only teasing.”

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  Dwynfel: “Patience?”

  Phoenix: “I go by Phoenix these days, Gentle. Something that you well know.”

  Gentle: “Oh, I’ll never know why you keep insisting on that. Your real name is much prettier.”

  Phoenix: “Its symbolic. Not that I expect you to understand such things.”

  Gentle: “Oh, don’t be such a misery. Hold on…”

  She turned slightly and began jumping up and down, waving her arms and shouting.

  Gentle: “Oh, girls! Over here!”

  Another two gods-awful nobles appeared next to her. They looked just as ridiculous as the first… way too much make up… hair that looked rock hard… pretty sure they are wigs… no way those things are real… and if that is real hair, then only the gods know what they’ve used to get it like that. And their jewellery is so big and eye catching that it almost blinds you when the light reflects off it.

  Gentle: “Oh, Chlamydia, Smutty. Darlings, where have you been?”

  Urgh… not these two… the first one was bad enough. Now there’s three of them. I was introduced to all of them earlier by lady Katheryn. Gentle Bushel, Chlamydia Vermillion, and Smutisha Smythe. They all seem to run various charities which makes them quite reputable individuals. But Gentle in particular seems very smug about it… seems to think it entitles her to things.

  The other two don’t seem as bad… although Smutisha does have a voice that just grates on me so much that I wish I was deaf.

  Smutisha: “Gentle, darling… are you hogging our lovely new guest all to yourself?

  Gentle: “Oh, absolutely. He’s quite the little charmer.”

  Chlamydia: “Of course he is. Look at the beautiful date that he brought with him.”

  Dwynfel: “Umm… we aren’t here as dates… we both helped rescue the Lady Katheryn.”

  Smutisha: “Told you. Didn’t I, darling. And you believed all those rumours about him and this girl adopting that child.”

  Dwynfel: “What rumours?”

  Kiyui: “Not a girl.”

  Gentle: “Oh, lots of theories have been flying around. “

  Dwynfel: “Such as?”

  Phoenix leaned forwards and glared at the three women with a look of pure distain.

  Phoenix: “Rumours are irrelevant. They are more of a family than any of you three will ever know. Kiyui earned his place here by his own merit, as did Dwynfel, as did the boy. Now cease talking down to them.”

  Smutisha and Chlamydia went silent… Gentle on the other hand did not seem dissuaded at all.

  Gentle: “Oh, Patience… my dear… you always were such a spoil sport. Of course, we appreciate their merits. It is simply that young Dwynfel is the one that caught the Lady Katheryn’s eye and Dwynfel who pulled the sword from the wall. It is only natural that he become our primary talking point.”

  Fortunately, at this point the young equine boy came over with two other men and that jackal butler. The boy presented his hand towards Phoenix.

  Equine: “I do beg your pardon, m’lady. May I have this dance.”

  Phoenix: “Of course you may, my lord.”

  Phoenix pushed past Gentle, giving her an icy glare, and moved out onto the dancefloor with the equine boy. Gentle looked highly unimpressed.

  Man 1: “Lady Smythe… may I…”

  Smutisha: “Yes, yes, darling. Off we go!”

  Smutisha was not waiting around… she took the man’s hand and was off in a second. Then she suddenly reappeared.

  Smutisha: “Before I go. Dwynfel, darling. I have a proposition for you. When this ball is over, go and speak to my man over there…”

  She pointed to a tall, solemn looking man in a butler’s uniform at the side of the room. He had terribly intense eyes… the eyes of a man who had seen some serious shit.

  Smutisha: “…he will bring you to me. Ta-tah.”

  She disappeared off onto the dancefloor again. The other man looked as if he were going to ask Chlamydia but Gentle barged in the way and presented her hand to him.

  Man 2: “It would be an honour, lady Bushel.”

  Gentle: “Oh, of course it would!”

  She grabbed the poor man’s hand and charged off with him. She was heading straight for Phoenix but appeared to trip over something on the way. She tried to conceal her embarrassment and began dancing where she was, as if she had intended to stop there and dance the entire time.

  Finally, the jackal moved forward towards Kiyui. Kiyui’s face suddenly brightened.

  Kiyui: “Oh Gaia, Annis. How have you been? It’s been forever?”

  Dwynfel: “You know him?”

  Annis: “We are old acquaintances.”

  Kiyui: “It’s been years. You look exactly the same though. You hold onto your youth incredibly well.”

  Annis: “I appreciate the compliment, but unfortunately, I must discuss something of great importance with you. May we go somewhere private?”

  Kiyui: “Ooooo sounds spicy. Let’s go out onto the balcony. Nobody else seems to be out there…”

  Kiyui looked at me…

  Kiyui: “…You’ll be fine here on your own for a bit, right?”

  Dwynfel: “I suppose so…”

  Chlamydia: “I’ll take good care of him, don’t you worry.”

  Urgh… great… left alone to make small talk with some noble girl… that being said… at least it’s not that awful Gentle woman… she makes my skin crawl… and what the hell does that other one mean by a proposition? In an attempt to make conversation I decided to observe the dancing…

  Dwynfel: “So, what exactly is this dance?”

  Chlamydia: “It is a simple waltz. It’s one of the first dances people learn around here. The steps are quite simple. Probably why young Rosario asked Patience for this dance. He is young, but will be confident with a simple dance like this. Well… that and he was probably trying to save Patience from Gentle.”

  Dwynfel: “Rosario would be the equine boy?”

  Chlamydia: “Indeed.”

  I haven’t seen an equine since that wedding when I was little. And I only spied on that from a hill a good distance away. Equines really are quite elegant up close.

  Dwynfel: “I have to ask… has he danced with Phoenix before? He’s doing a very good job at compensating for her weaker side. The way they move together… you wouldn’t even know she had any issues at all.”

  Chlamydia: “Well, I should hope so. They are married after all.”

  Dwynfel: “What?”

  Chlamydia: “Ha ha, dear Patience does rather keep things close to her chest doesn’t she. Her full name is Patience Marcias V’Rel.”

  Dwynfel: “Hang on… V’Rel? So, they’re the ones that got married years ago… he’s the prince?”

  Chlamydia: “Fifth prince of the Equine Kingdom. He won’t be inheriting it any time soon. Marriage for people of our station is rarely anything other than a political manoeuvre. Even so, there’s was a tad rushed. Still, it did avert a war.”

  This is insane… I’ve been partying with the woman for years… I didn’t even know her real name… never mind the fact that she was married… to a sodding prince… I mean… the way she always says that people are entitled to their secrets certainly makes sense now… even so…

  Dwynfel: “But… that can’t be right… he’s like… eleven… that would me that he was…”

  Tadwick: “I need a wee!”

  Dwynfel: “Fuck! Sorry… would you stop doing that.”