- Merlyn
The Devil - Addiction, Materialism, Playfulness, Freedom, Release
Folliet Bard is hiding in the closet of Narcissist X - one of the world’s richest men.
Soon she’ll come out shooting, but until then, she’s kinda bored. Pulled her phone to check the time, but ended up playing Marvel Snap. No idea what time it is.
She has a Mobius deck that’s on the edge of greatness and disaster. Would adding Cannonball help? Or is that just giving up? Hard to say.
Bard’s older and all grown up, but still small and mousy. It doesn’t bother her. It’s convenient to be overlooked. And her mask can be sexy, when she can be bothered with it. Today she’s wearing the men’s black suit she habitually wears while working. It’s both classy and bland, allowing her to blend at both her jobs while still wearing the same clothes everyday.
Her colleague Lucius is in the next room, gearing up to give a big evil speech to their hapless billionaire client. It’s kinda pointless, especially considering what comes next, but Lucius is a fun guy and great speaker. It’d be dick move to cut him off mid diabolical diatribe.
“Listen up, idiot.” says Lucius. “I’m about to explain a few things and then murder you. I realize I’ve never successfully explained anything to you, but I’m gonna try one last time. Because it feels strangely important that you understand how easily you could have stopped this. You had hundreds of opportunities. You useless, fucking man-baby.”
“I don’t think tha-”
A gunshot rings out. Bard continues her Snap game.
“Shush. Don’t aggravate me.” Lucius takes a calming breath. Continues. “Two years ago, you hired our business consulting agency, Merk. This was your first mistake. We were so obviously a group of psychopaths. And you knew that. But you wanted to do some evil shit - specifically, steal from your own employees - and didn’t quite have the balls to do it yourself.
“So you got us to fire everyone who made you successful and replace them with desperate people on student visas. Which we did. Kinda. We actually did fire all your loyal employees, but we replaced them with more Merks. It cost you a bundle, but you don’t know that, because all your accountants work for me. Do you get what’s happening here?”
“I’m gonna press my panic button!”
“Yeah, you’re not getting it. I just fired a fucking gun in here. Notice how no one has come running? It’s because I told security that I’m shooting you today, and they said ‘Okay, boss’. Your panic button isn’t gonna help. It just sends a notification to my phone. So I can laugh when you’re scared. Do you get how that happened?”
“You hired an evil electrician?”
“No, you fucking dipshit. I hired a normal electrician and told him to wire that button to my phone. Like, in the work order. That you signed off on and totally could have stopped. Except you never read it, and you got Cindy to sign it, and I know that because Cindy fucking works for me!”
“I can pay you!”
“No, you can’t! I already stole all your money! Which is actually less than you figure. You haven’t been the richest guy in the world for a while. We’ve been lying on your quarterlies. But it’s still a decent chunk of change. I’m quite happy with it. You should not have let me replace the entire accounting department.”
Lucius goes on to explain the dozens of ways he could have been stopped if Narc X had read reports, paid attention, had basic numeracy, friends, common sense, or social awareness. It’s an exhaustive takedown. Extensive burns. This murder may end up a mercy killing.
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
Bard has lost six Snap games in a row. Cannonball is not helping. She closes the app in disgust. Why does she even play that stupid game? It’s deliberately unwinnable. Also, she’s in a really nice closet. More windows than her apartment. His and hers bathrooms. Who has two bathrooms in a closet? The hers looks totally unused. Jesus, Lucius. You been stealing his pussy too?
Done admiring the closet, Bard once again pulls her phone out on autopilot. Notices that a new chapter of The Calamitous Bob has been posted. Sweet! Does she have time to read it? How long will Narcissist X listen to Lucius’ evil murder speech? It’s been made clear that he dies at the end. Why isn’t he trying to escape?
Bard has no idea. If someone pulled a gun on her, she would immediately attack or run. Like the Calamitous Bob, she perceives threats as they unfold and takes immediate, direct, drastic action. This makes sense to Bard.
But most people act more like Billy - the main character from her other favorite book, Slaughterhouse-Five. They willfully ignore danger, until it gets really bad, and then they die. Very perplexing.
That said, when The Calamitous Bob uses direct violence, it always works in her favor. Bard’s success rate is much lower. Like Billy, she’s haplessly pushed around by fate. Events she barely understands lead to outcomes outside her control. That part of Slaughterhouse-Five is very relatable.
Living with a no-fear anomaly means learning when it’s safe to give into the pressure, and when it’s best to use her mask. To assist with this, Merlyn taught her to ignore morally relative concepts like good and bad, and focus instead on what she really wants. From this, Bard made herself a non-moral code for when she can use violence.
- She only kills other killers,
- Only if she can get away with it,
- And never all of them.
These rules synergize to keep her alive, out of jail, and home most nights. Not perfect, but good enough. That said, the pressure is always building. Hopefully today helps with that.
She reads Bob and half-ass listens to Lucius until he calls out for Cindy. That’s her cue, or close enough. Her mask isn’t sure how a Cindy behaves, so she rolls her hips and smiles as she leaves the closet. East Coast Style with a West Coast Strut. She’s a sexy Cindy.
The rest of the bedroom suite is so aggressively elegant it’s almost cheap. The extreme minimalism and huge windows combine to make it look like a bed in a bus stop. Where’s the personality? Where’s the color?
Bard sees Narc X’s surprise as she emerges from the closet. Lucius doesn’t bother to acknowledge her approach, and continues his tirade.
“Cindy’s gonna grab some biometric data before it gets messed up. Fingerprints, retina scan, hair follicles, cheek swab, blood, the works. Not sure what we need it for, but better safe than sorry.”
“But, uh…” stammers Narc X. “That’s not Cindy.”
Lucius spins to see Bard and freezes. Is he desperately thinking? Trying to choose between begging, shooting, and running? Or is he not thinking at all - brain as frozen as the rest of him? It doesn’t matter. Bard’s already put two bullets in his chest. The machiavellianism that made him so effective at criminal capitalism was no match for her no-fear anomaly. In a crisis, what most people do is nothing. His body slumps to the floor leaking blood. There’s the splash of color the room needed.
Bard swoons with relief as the pressure leaves her body. A small, crooked smile sneaks out. Then her mask slams back down as she turns to the petrified billionaire.
“Agent Bard, FBI.” She flashes a badge. “We got a tip from Merk that someone was impersonating their consultants. Fortunately for you, I was already surveilling this ‘Lucius’ character when he armed himself and broke into your residence.”
This was all broadly true, as good cover stories are. Not that it mattered, because Narc X was in shock and not a very critical thinker at the best of times. Still, Bard had a job to do, so she soldiered on, prattling about cop stuff, and bluntly crediting Merk with saving the billionaires life.
“You’re lucky you were working with them.”
“Yeah, fuck that.” says Narc X. Failing to receive a broad hint from a murderous psychopath. “I already told Lucius I was quitting Merk. Mentor is way cheaper.”
“I’m sorry.” Bard frowns. “I’m not familiar with Mentor. Are they another consulting agency?”
“Not even. It’s a business Ai. Does everything Merk does for a fraction of the cost. And you don’t have to talk to people.” He gestures towards the corpse. “Solution to the Bunker Problem.”
Bard pauses thoughtfully. What the fuck is he talking about? Maybe Lucius had the right idea. She looks at his gun. The other FBI agents aren’t here yet. Maybe she got out of the closet too late? She’s morally clear to kill the billionaire. Statistical murder is still murder. Or would that count as killing all the killers? There’s no one else here.
Tricky.
Better pass this up the line.
“Tell me everything about Mentor. I’ll need it for my report.”
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