My thoughts were disorderly as Harley kept up a rapid pace, speeding us away from the murderous log. I decided to get my brain organized and took inventory.

  I had a magical power-up candy cane that had restored one of my powers. Maybe if I kept licking it, I’d get the rest of my Skills back too?

  In the floor below us, I saw fractions, and that meant we were inside a math-based video game I knew so well I could practically play it with my eyes closed.

  Harley had three Skills already, and we’d only been here minutes, so that was promising. Before I got a chance to feel bolstered by that thought, we heard thumping behind us, and the floor shook with it.

  The monster raged at us, “Wait for me, wait for me!”

  “Hah!” Harley snorted, but then the unthinkable happened.

  The floor beneath me tilted. I don’t mean to the side, I mean forward. As in, I was running downhill at a 30-degree angle, and it was only getting steeper with every footfall.

  “Noooooo,” I wailed, grabbing Harley’s arm as the inevitable happened. Our feet lost traction, and we fell forward. But with her arm in mine, Harley came through, activating her new Skills.

  She sent the length of her popcorn whip up into the air in an arc of green light, and snap! It branched, formed sucker pads on the ends, and stuck itself to the ceiling so we dangled: me holding one of Harley’s arms, the whip wrapped around the other.

  Dear god, I hoped we weren’t about to pull my wife into two pieces. I dangled high above the shifting floor of that hellscape and looked up at my beautiful, blonde beloved, but there was no rictus of pain on her face. No, she was beaming like this was the best time of her life.

  “Bad ass cosplay costume, Red,” she laughed.

  Harley was right. Something about her super-suit was keeping her from being pulled limb from limb, but we couldn’t stay here on the ceiling forever.

  How was the stupid monster making the floor shift? What could possibly be giving it such powers? Well, maybe whatever was giving Harley hers, and was that something we could use?

  As I tried to figure out a solution to our predicament, Harley looked towards the monster. Green light sizzled all over her arms, and I saw decision in her face.

  Uh oh.

  She looked me square in the eyes and said without hesitation, “Trust me, Red.”

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  I didn’t have to think. I nodded, and she let go of my arm.

  “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” I screamed, casting out with my useless candy cane, but there was no need to worry. My butt hit a trampoline surface that smelled slightly buttery, and I shot forward, my wife mirroring me, cackling with joy as we flew up the corridor towards the big bad evil guy.

  Oh dear god, how was this a plan?

  At that moment, I realized my super-suit was crackling with the same green light I’d seen on Harley’s just before she transformed the popcorn whip into a trampoline. Invento-Weapon, handy power to have, dear wifey.

  My brain took in our surroundings, and the rapidly approaching flaming monster roared, “You still mine!”

  Not today, bad boy! Not now! Not ever! I thought, focusing on a light fixture dangling from the ceiling. If Harley could just use her whip and hook it— but before I even finished the thought, my candy cane exploded with green energy and extended fifteen feet.

  Yes! Harley’s Glimmer Reverb seemed to be an echo power! When activated, my wife had passed her powers on to me! Harley’d given me the power of Invento-Weapon when she’d created the trampoline, and now I could use that same power; brilliant!

  I easily snared the light with my extendable candy cane like a fucking flying Little Bo Peep, and I was propelled upwards, Harley affixed to me, holding onto my waist, hooting with joy.

  “Yeeeeeeeeee!” she trilled, and I chortled in victory.

  We were safe, for the moment, Monster Yule thwarted. Our faces were only a couple of feet from the ceiling, and Harley turned her whip into a rope that tethered us together, as she continued holding me around the waist.

  All things considered, it was quite a nice arrangement, and the two of us were grinning at each other as though this was the best Yule Eve we’d ever had, and maybe it was.

  Except for the fire-breathing monster below us. Wait, WHAT?!? Breathing fire? The yule log was going full-dragon now?

  Harley didn’t miss a beat, tossing out the glimmering green popcorn whip, which reshaped into a massive curved shield. I had a momentary panic as I wondered if popcorn could stand up to the conflagration the beast was bellowing at us, but the shield held. It smelled faintly of burnt popcorn, but withstood the onslaught without trouble.

  Harley holding onto me for dear life, we stared down at the inexplicable devil below, and once again, it roared, “Hunger for your touch!”

  It sounded like the worst sort of thunder howling words that seemed familiar.

  “That damned thing is hurling 'Unchained Melody' lyrics at us!” Harley screeched, offended at its audacity.

  The popcorn shield responded to her ire, kicking out more green glimmer and tightening itself closer to the burning log. I understood what it meant to do: block all the air so the monster couldn’t combust anymore. Without oxygen, its fire would die. Excellent!

  But the Murder Yule wasn’t about to let that happen. It fell to the floor, rolling away down the hall.

  That gave Harley and me a reprieve, so I thought about the candy cane lengthening, and it did. Green energy sizzled up and down the length of it as we were lowered to the floor.

  Harley squeezed me, giggling with what sounded like giddiness, but might’ve been tinged with terror.

  “Gods, Red, this is fun and crazy, and like, so—“

  “Hot!” I finished for her, pulling her mouth to mine. She melded to me, arms tight around my waist, but we couldn’t afford to get lost in each other.

  We had a Murder Yule Log to outsmart and a game to beat so we could get home.