My imaginary sous chef is overly ambitious.

  She is just not ready for this type of responsibility yet, but I can’t really say no since it’s her reward for helping me pass that test. Oh well, it will be a good learning opportunity for the beautiful little fledgling. Let’s bake a cake.

  “O-ok.”

  “Yay. What type of cake do you like? I’ll make it for you.”

  That is a complicated question that can’t be answered lightly, since the answer is any cake that doesn’t require me to have a breakdown in front of a grocery store. So let me check what kind of cake we can make with the ingredients we have at home first.

  “C-cheese cake or chocolate c-cake.”

  We are missing a few things for either of those, but nothing too important. Looking for two recipes was already too much effort so we will have to go with one of those. It all should work out somehow with the power of self expression. The type of cheese being used can’t be that important, and it’s all basically milk anyway, so it shouldn’t hurt too much if we cut out the middle man.

  “Which one do you like more?”

  Both sound like a hassle to make, so just choose one and let’s get this mess underway.

  “I-i don’t care.”

  “Good, chocolate it is then. You seemed to be getting weird ideas again when looking at the cheese cake recipe.”

  Switching the cheese with milk is a perfectly reasonable idea. I can’t believe she still questions my absolute mastery of the kitchen, even after all the stuff I made during the great war with my mom.

  “So how do we start?”

  We start by taking a break, obviously. The recipe hunting was exhausting.

  “B-by watching tv?”

  It was a joke… Ah, she looks totally unamused. I wasn’t exactly planning on winning her heart with humor, but it’s nice of her to show me my place before I got my hopes up. With humor off the table and going through her stomach being unfeasible since she doesn’t eat, I can only count on Stockholm-syndrome to do the heavy lifting. Seems like the safest bet anyway since she is stuck with me.

  She sure looks cute when she pouts but I better start taking this seriously before she actually gets mad.

  “B-by getting the mixer.”

  “Go get it then.”

  Making the chef do the heavy lifting, how disrespectful. Why is the mixer so heavy anyway? And why is it so full of dust, I’m going to have to wash it before we can use it. This culinary endeavor just keeps getting harder and harder.

  “It’s super dirty. Clean it first Mai, I can’t work in these conditions.”

  How exactly did I get demoted from head chef to dish washer? Well, I was planning on doing that anyway so I’ll go along with it.

  Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

  “Y-yes boss.”

  “Finally we can start. Okay start by putting two cups of flour.”

  I worked my way up back to the position of baker, now how do I tell her we need to dry the mixer bowl off first without getting fired?

  “N-need to dry it.”

  “It’s fine, the recipe says we need to add water too and I don’t feel like waiting for it to dry.”

  Her logic is absolutely flawless. I can totally understand how she stole my position at the top with such efficiency increasing ideas. Unfortunately, I’m old and set in my ways so I’ll wipe it off with a towel anyway.

  “It’s kind of a waste, we need to add water like three steps later.”

  Management types will really try to cut costs in any way they can these days. We were much more wasteful back when I was in charge. It’s truly hard to believe how much can change in just five minutes.

  “Can we finally start?”

  “Y-yes.”

  “Okay, two cups of flour and two cups of sugar.”

  “D-done.”

  “Not done, you only put one cup of sugar in.”

  I can cut costs too, now give me another promotion. Those recipes are always too sweet anyway.

  “I-i like it l-less sweet.”

  “A cup of cocoa powder. Why does this chocolate cake recipe have no chocolate in it?”

  They probably thought that a cocoa cake recipe wouldn't get as many clicks.

  “I-it’s just how it is.”

  “Weird… Two teaspoons of baking soda, one and a half baking powder and one teaspoon of salt.”

  Not enough salt, better triple it for good measure.

  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? It’s mixed in with all the other stuff now, you put in way too much Mai.”

  Sweets should be salty, everyone knows that. This is not the time for your crazy cost cutting corporate cooking Ami, we need to add the third teaspoon of salt if this has any chance of success.

  “Stop! don’t you dare put more salt in.”

  Fine, but don’t complain if I have to add salt when I eat it later.

  “F-fine.”

  “Just follow the recipe exactly from now on. If it comes out badly because of you we are going to make another one.”

  It’s going to turn out great. It might not be the mass produced corporate baking Ami is aiming for, but I can’t see anything that could go wrong with what we did so far. And I don’t know how she expects me to follow the recipe exactly when I have no idea what a paddle attachment even is. I thought it was a guitar thing. I’m going to have to look it up online at this rate.

  “Ok you mix it and then add milk, oil, eggs and hot water. See I told you we need water anyway, you just wasted time drying the bowl off.”

  “H-hot water.”

  “Hot, cold, it’s all just water in the end.”

  Stay away from my coffee you beautiful cost cutting monster. Which reminds me, I better turn on the oven since temperature makes a lot of difference..

  “Wait, we forgot to add vanilla extract.”

  We don’t have any of that, but I can add more salt instead.

  “W-we don’t have a-any.”

  “Should we go buy some?”

  “J-just use salt i-instead.”

  “Don’t you dare.”

  Fine, so let’s meet half way and put it in the oven without either of our additions.

  “It takes thirty to forty minutes in the oven. To the TV Mai.”

  We have to do the dishes first so we can use the mixer to make frosting for it later.

  “D-dishes.”

  “That’s your job, why do I have to suffer as well?”

  Management should properly supervise.

  “This was supposed to show you how great I am at everything, so if you messed it up we are going to do it again.”

  “I-it’s going to b-be great.”

  I’m well aware of how great she really is. She makes everything a lot more enjoyable just by being around after all. But she still has a lot to learn when it comes to cooking regardless.