What was my name again? I couldn’t remember. I couldn’t remember anything as I was standing for a while outside a small cottage in Gaul. The people there said that they found me knocked out, with a dog barking and asking for help for me. Was it my dog? I didn’t know. I was simply standing outside for day and night, and no one was trying to get closer to me. There was a small child showing me his small drawings of me. Was such a hideous creature? I didn’t know. I didn’t even know how I could speak their language, but I could. There were often visits from a woman, dressed in pale white clothes, dark blue curls, and antlers on her head. She was trying to speak to me, but I could not listen. Other times, a man with black armor was coming with a fat dove on his shoulder. What were their names again? Once in a while, a woman in the form of a wolf was trying to talk to me, to show me a strange emblem of a brilliant craftsman. What a strange instrument, this golden emblem had carved on it?

  A few days passed when a woman in full silver armor approached me, and her owl rested on my lap. She was whispering how sorry she was. Sorry for what? Who were all these creatures? I could see the people that save talking to them, trying to get on their knees and asking for something. The old lady of the house tried to feed me, but my mouth was dropping. I couldn’t chew. And when they were coming so close to me, creature or mortal, I could listen to their pain. Their sorrow, their stories, as if they wanted to spit out every dark truth of their lives.

  Make it stop. I do not belong here. I do not want to listen. I want to go back. No, I don't. I do not want to. Or maybe I want.

  But please stop looking at me, stop talking to me. Each day, more peole were coming to me, telling that they could feel a relief after telling everything to me. However, each time they were speaking, I could feel my skin burning, my head getting heavy.

  Stop. Stop. Stop.

  Some nights, there was a memory of an army. A woman. They laughed and stopped their battles to see me. Do not touch me. Do not touch my skin, my hair, my body. Stop touching me, stop looking at me. How dare you face me? A bitter taste of poison was coming to my mouth, Bitter poison.

  You are a monster.

  ‘’She doesn’t eat, drink, sleep’’The man in the dark armor spoke to the antler woman. And the woman replied.

  Everyone is dead. Gone. You cannot save them.

  ‘’She can’t even talk’’ She raised her shoulders. ‘’I don’t think that she can even remember.’’

  Everything you touch is getting rotten.

  I could feel insects crawling on my mouth, and flies getting out. I was rotting away. I wanted to rot away.

  ‘’Why are you here?’’ The antler woman spoke when an old crone began to step closer to me with her small cane. And she sat next to me, and we were both now watching the children playing in the valley with the men returning from the hunt, showing their boars and the women washing the clothes outside the winter-bright morning.

  ‘’Do you think that they are happy?’’The crone asked me. I did not respond.’’That inside this valley, they might be safe?’’

  No response.

  ‘’No, of course they are not’’She spoke alone with the bright sun slowly getting hidden by thick dark clouds. ‘’The enemy is so near, and every one of them will be enslaved to the great empire. Their gods will be forgotten, their lives will not be there. But that’s how the world seems to go.’’

  I tried to look at the old crone who covered her entire face with a black cloak.

  ‘’But they look happy. For their fragile little lives. I was happy once, too. ‘’

  I raised my head and found that the antler woman and the man in armor were now hiding in the woods. Waiting for something.

  ‘’I was raised like those kids. In a valley of people trying to take care of me while the rest of my family was suffering in the tyranny of a mad king. And yet, I was the only one surviving. Raised like a plump pig, in all pleasures. But one day, I had a dream. A dream that I had to fulfill. In centuries, I managed to defeat the king and help my family. I got the throne, I got married and had hundreds of children…And yet, there was still a fear of an old prophecy. That one of my children will usurp me and take my , my cruelty began to reign. I could see mortals worshiping and loving me. Those feeble minds that they had were weak, as they were giving me seeds for offerings. I wanted more; I should have more. I was pressuring my children to be great like me. So they wouldn’t have a reason to take my throne. With all the greatness and each title that they were gaining, I could still see their weakness. Why were they weak? Why were they looking at me the same way mortals did? I must do something, I thought. And so, I did. When the time was right, I tried to punish a few of my children. To understand the consequences of their actions. And with their punishment looking perfect, I found that they still tried to defy me. Maybe I could give one of my children a chance to prove themselves. To be what I wanted them to be. And I gave him the order to protect one of his great mortal brothers and punish his enemies.

  But then, I understood. Gods fall in love with their mortals not because of their worship. Because of their little lives. They are seeing everything so small that they couldn’t even comprehend the truth of time. And we are envious of it. We want to be mortals.

  When my son fell for a mere mortal life, he was giving everything up. He gave up his life for you’’

  There was now, right above me, a creature made of clouds as the entire sky went dark for the thunderstorm to break over the village. Horns of a bull at the top of his eagle skull as dark wings were moving right above me, and the beak was wide open. Every one of the people in the village began running inside their houses to hide themselves from that strange monster that came to their home while the statues of their gods were falling apart from the wind.

  ‘’I always wanted to meet you.’’

  LYSSANDRA

  I simply faced the creature with an empty gaze as the antler woman was trying to rush to me, while the armored man was her guard.

  ‘’What do you have to say to me now? For all your unpunished crimes? What do you think your fate will be? There is none that can save you’’

  I did not want to be saved. I wanted everything to end. Please, kill me. I wanted to beg. But there was something deep in my heart, pressuring me to stop.

  I could still listen to the antler woman gasping to escape, but the man’s grip was getting even tighter.

  ‘’You owe me’’She shrieked, and so, the armored man let her go and jumped to my rescue with a strange bow and arrow.

  ‘’Father, she has enough she-’’

  ‘’You miss him, don’t you?’’

  And the king of the gods, faced me, shocked. And the antler woman’s jaw dropped.

  The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

  ‘’How dare you-’’The king replied.

  ‘’So, you don’t?’’ I asked again and looked down at my hands.

  ‘’It doesn't matter what you will do to me. I hope that you can kill me. I wanted to have a family, and I believe in myself. When I was a kid, I wanted to be like you; people would worship me, be immortal, and so people could remember me. Little did I know that it was all a curse for me. ‘’

  The god began growling as the thunderstorm was getting even closer to me.

  ‘’I wanted to be loved. To be admired. However, each path that I was getting in was with people using me like a prize, or the people who cared for me passed. Your son was both of those things. He was doing what you told him at first. But then, I suppose he loved me. I loved him too. I tried to find a way to save him, actually. And still, it wasn’t enough.’’

  The god now narrowed with a lightning falling on one of the statues of the people.

  ‘’He spoke very mightily of you once. That you showed your ways of love. Your lessons. They were cruel lessons, but you didn’t want to hurt them, did you? You did not have to be afraid. To love them truly, to love mortals truly. But you were so afraid that you would end up like your father. And now, you will get forgotten. Your son will be forgotten, and you will not see him again. And that upsets you. Because you never told him truly that you loved-’’

  The lightning now fell to the god’s form, making the creature disappear. At first, I saw a man with horns and light silver skin appear in front of me. But in the end, he chose the form of a little kid. A light silver kid with horns still growing on his scalp. And tears were falling down his face. The prideful god now broke down to my knees, trying to hug him.

  ‘’I cannot-’’He broke. ‘’I do not want to be forgotten.’’

  There was once a myth that he was the one to make us. Made by clay, we were created in pairs, and then he broke us to find the one who was missing. He was the one who created us as if we were his children. Maybe, he realised soon, that he was punishing the wrong children. And that his usurping would be inevitable.

  I caressed the king’s back and looked at Artemis, who was still facing me, shocked.

  A few minutes later, I gave the sleeping child to Ares, who was also looking completely stunned as he vanished. And now, Artemis was trying to speak to me.

  ‘’Hermes told us what he did to you, and I cannot say how so-’’

  I did not speak as I found a river close to the village and began washing my face. How tired was I looking?

  She explained later that he tried to find me, but something was blocking him. As if his powers were weakening slowly with the time that passed.

  ‘’I am not going back’’I said and watched Pup returning with the hidden once jar of poison right to me. Artemis smiled

  ‘’Good, then I might find a way to-’’

  I shook my head. ‘’I do not want you to hide me. ‘’

  Her smile instantly faded.

  ‘’I am glad that you are trying to help me, truly’’I tried to speak my honest words. ‘’But I want to stand on my own two legs. I want to see the life of the world that I was missing for so many centuries.’’

  Artemis' ears lowered down, and her hand rested on my shoulder. Not squeeze, not grasp. A simple rest. It won’t be easy, I knew that. I had to find a way to store the poison somewhere safe so no god will try to take me away from me again.

  A woman. The army spoke with the last. I did not want to be so weak again. Not again.

  I got inside the house and thanked everyone for their hospitality. Mortified as they were, they did not speak as I went to one of the rooms and found a small knife.

  I cut my long hair to my earlobe. Each curl reminded me of someone who tried to grab me from them and was trying to stop me from living my own life.

  I took more tight fabrics and wrapped them around my chest, making the illusion that there was nothing around my torso, as I was taking a few of the men’s clothes. Then, with my remaining curls and heavy clay, I managed to make a rougher face with a small goatee on my jaw. I walked out and thanked them again, and when I opened the door, I found that Artemis was still waiting for me.

  ‘’That’s your disguise?’’She asked.

  I will be safer. He will not find me yet. Not like this.

  ‘’What’s your name now?’’

  ‘’How about Odysseus?’’I asked, and I was walking with her, Pup followed.

  She replied with a narrow.’’It is quite on the nose’’She explained and pointed at her hooked beak.

  ‘’Would you like Agamemnon?’’ I asked with a wide grin, and Artemis groaned and patted me on my back.

  ‘’I suppose you finally came back’’ She scoffed, and I replied with a laugh.

  Artemis kept facing me with a sudden warm face as the sun was falling slowly. That was the end, I suppose. I wouldn’t let this woman get out again. I had to be someone different. I wanted to be someone different. So that everyone will be happy, for me to be happy.

  ‘’Farewell, Odysseus’’She said, and I nodded with my necklace being held tight.

  My journey began in East Asia as I was trying to become a medic there. They were terrified as they saw someone like me walking to their roads, they tied me up and offered me to their emperor. Frightened as he was also, I tried to speak to him. Surprisingly, even this language was so fluent in my mind. So, I spoke to him and told him that I heard from the people that his daughter is sick. With a sickness so harsh that none could find a cure. I told him that I could do it in a day. Or else, behead me.

  I already couldn’t die, but I also didn’t want to get cast out from the first place I entered as mine. So, I found the princess in her peculiar room with a mountain of fabrics covering her body. I began opening the room even more by grabbing the strange thin windows. The daughter began to gasp while the soldiers were glaring at me.

  She had a fever and yellow eyes. I began taking each part of the medicine I knew, and luckily, in less than one day, she was all too well. The emperor, now crying with joy, with his daughter jumping up and down, asked me what the reason was.

  And the daughter, who was close to the age of eighteen, looked at me, scared.

  I could have said that his unwed, pure daughter was expecting and drugged herself to kill that baby. I lied as I already burned each of the pieces of evidence, and the guards were too mortified when I showed them all the blood I was pulling out from her supposedly wounded body.

  ‘’A simple bug, emperor. Your daughter is far too delicate’’

  The daughter was about to cry in relief, and then her father told me that I should marry her. I replied with a grin and a bow as I said, I would like to keep my head on my body and a job.

  I was an apothecary for a few years there. When the time came to show that I wasn’t getting old, I vanished and went to India and started from scratch. Each time, every city was something new to me. But I could still feel that something was missing. Egypt, Arabia, Ethiopia, Japan, Palestine, the land of Norsemen, Rus’...

  I travelled far and wide as much as I could. I had lives that would fill up a god.

  I became an apothecary, a poet, a warrior, a dead man, a scholar, a knight…

  I found the people I wanted to see, and I was so glad that they were happy, living their lives to the fullest. And yet…

  One day, I ended up at the port of the capital of the new Roman empire and I found a captain of a small boat.

  I wanted someone close.

  ‘’Hey’’I told him with a smile. He was petrified by how I appeared to him.

  ‘’Do you have a ship?’’I asked and showed Pup. ‘’I am Odysseus, and this is Pup. I am an apothecary, and I would love to travel.’’

  The captain faced me, confused, and looked away. ‘’Sorry, but I am a castaw-’’

  ‘’I have money’’I replied, and greed turned his head around.

  ‘’I can find you a boat; you will find a crew’’

  The man stood up and looked at me, confused. ‘’Why do you want to have business with me?’’

  He was very young, very poor, and he knew how to lie his way in.

  ‘’I have nothing to lose but time.’’