Chapter 14— A soul for the deep

  This couldn’t be true. Rowan felt like he was waking up to a completely new life, and nothing about it felt right. His body wasn’t the same, his surroundings weren't the same. Nothing felt real. It was like being trapped in a dream. It’s beautiful here, with the glowing pillars and the drifting gold dust, but not beautiful enough to want to stay.

  But what appalled him the most was not feeling the wrongness he first felt when he was in the water. Back then, every inch of him had been fighting the ocean. His body wasn’t meant to work down here, and no amount of magic could quiet that weirdness. But now? Now the water didn't feel heavy. It felt like he belonged here.

  Only his soul didn’t.

  He reached up, his movements terrifyingly fast, to touch his neck. There were gills there, sliced into his throat and down his ribs. He could feel the water rushing in and out, a rhythmic flow that had replaced the steady rise and fall of his chest. It made him want to scream, to gasp, to do anything to find a pocket of air that no longer existed. But he was too stunned to move clearly.

  A thousand questions hit him at once, dizzying him. What did this make him? What did it tell about the life that was left of him now? Would he never be able to be up on the surface again? Would he never be able to breathe air again? No, no, no.

  “What did you do to me?”

  Whatever Celeste did, he knew it had ruined his chance to leave the water behind. He was stuck now, wasn’t he? He looked around at the circle of sirens behind Celeste, their tails shimmering like oil on water, their eyes pale and judging. The water here was glowing and pressureless, making him feel weightless in a way that made his head spin.

  The thing behind him pulsed with a deep thrum, sending soft ripples through the water that vibrated in his new gills. He didn’t know why, but this looked like a part of a ritual to him. It made him think all kinds of stupid, dark things. Had Celeste been playing with him all this while just to lead him here? Had she been waiting for the right moment to turn him into a freak like her? But for what, really? To have a companion in this hell? Well, he didn’t even know himself anymore, so how would he know what sick things these sirens were capable of?

  “Rowan—” Her voice bloomed in his head, vibrating with a desperate, shaky warmth. It was filled with so much horror and relief, it was almost painful. Looking at her, he saw the way she was shaking, her claws still reaching out as if she wanted to hold him but was too afraid to touch him.

  It gave him a moment of clarity. He knew that whatever she did, she did it to save him. He remembered the darkness closing in, the way his heart had slowed to a crawl. He would have died, and she couldn't let that happen. He knew that.

  But the anger in him wouldn't listen to reason. It didn't matter that he was alive if he wasn't human.

  “Why the fuck would you turn me into a monster like you?”

  The words hung in the water like a blade. He watched her flinch as if he’d slapped her, her violet scales shimmering under the blue light of the thing behind him. He wanted to take it back, but he also wanted to scream it again until this place crumbled around them.

  “Rowan, it’s not what you—“

  “How is the sacrifice not dead?”

  The voice didn't come from Celeste. It was a series of sharp, high-pitched clicks followed by a long, melodic whistle that vibrated right through Rowan’s chest. At first, it was just noise, the language of the deep, but then, all of a sudden, the meaning began to bloom in his head. It felt like a memory he hadn't earned, translating the alien sounds into cold, hard words.

  He turned his head, his movements feeling too smooth, too fast. The siren speaking had dark red fins that drifted behind her like shredded silk. She was bigger than Celeste, bigger than any of the others. She wasn't monstrous like the siren Celeste had fought before; she was ethereal, her scales shimmering with a soft, bioluminescent glow. But that beauty was what scared him.

  Sacrifice?

  The word echoed in his mind and his whole body went cold. His doubts, the dark thoughts he’d just tried to push away, suddenly felt like they were being confirmed by the very creatures that lived here.

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  He looked back at Celeste, his golden eyes wide and searching. She had told him she was saving him. She had looked at him with relief. But the red-finned siren was looking at him like he was a meal that had walked off the plate.

  "A sacrifice?" Rowan's mental voice was trembling with a new layer of terror. He didn't just feel like a monster now; he felt like a pawn. "You brought me here for this? To give me to them?"

  The elder siren drifted closer, her movements effortless. She ignored Celeste entirely, her pale eyes fixed on Rowan’s shimmering, white skin.

  “The Heart has never let a tithe go before,” the elder whistled, the sound a mix of fascination and confusion. “It has tasted the soul, yet the vessel remains. It has changed the flesh, but the spirit is still screaming.”

  She circled him, the water displaced by her massive tail pushing Rowan toward Celeste. “Tell me, land-walker. What did she promise you? Did she tell you this was salvation? Or did she tell you the truth—that the only way to pay for her life was to offer yours?”

  Rowan felt the world spinning again. He looked at Celeste's face, searching for a lie, for a sign of the girl he thought he knew. "Is that what this is?" he whispered through the bond, the anger from before turning into a hollow, breaking hurt. "Am I just the price you paid to stay alive down here?"

  “No. No no no. Don’t listen to her. She doesn’t know shit,” Celeste’s voice pleaded in his mind. She sounded frantic, desperate. “I was trying to save you and look, look you’re alive!”

  This time she did reach out to touch him, her claws nearly grazing his new, pale skin, but Rowan recoiled. He dodged her hand as if her touch were poison.

  “Alive but at what price?!” he snapped back through the bond.

  “You really think death is better than this? Then I'm sorry! I truly am sorry. I wasn’t brave enough to lose the only person I had to hold on to.” She was heaving, her gills flaring with every jagged breath. “So I did what the System told me to. And…” Her eyes raked over the gills on his throat and ribs, her expression a mix of horror and relief. “This happened.”

  “You got me stuck here.” The words felt like lead. He knew he was being ungrateful. A part of him knew he should be thanking her for the fact that his heart was still beating, but he couldn't find the strength to do it. How could he thank her for saving his life when she had somehow ended it at the same time?

  “I’m sorry!”

  “Your sorry won’t turn me back into a human!”

  The red-finned siren drifted between them, her head cocking to the side as she examined Rowan like a specimen under glass. She moved with a slow, hypnotic grace that made him feel even more like a clumsy freak.

  “What are you two saying?” her song hummed, a series of sharp whistles. She motioned to her ears and then snapped a webbed finger right in front of Rowan’s face. “Why are we not hearing anything? Are you talking in demon tongues?”

  “You know what? Stay out of my face.”

  Rowan meant to shout it, but the voice that left his lips wasn't human. It was a startling series of clicks and snaps that made his own skin crawl.

  The group of sirens surrounding them let out a chorus of sharp warning clicks. The red-finned one held up a hand, her lips pulling up on one side in a cold sneer.

  “It’s fine,” the siren hummed, the vibration growing heavier. “Just because our god spit you out doesn’t make you a god yourself.” She reached out, her sharp nail poking at his chest. Rowan winced as the tip sank in. His new skin was tender, and he watched in a daze as a tiny bead of blood oozed out, dissolving into the water like a ribbon of smoke. “See, you’re still not one of us. You bleed red.”

  “Enough.” Celeste stepped into the middle, her body shielding him from the elder. “Please. Give us some time alone. We’re no threat, I swear. Please…”

  The siren hummed, a long, vibrating note. “Oh, so you’re pleading now?” she mocked. “Interesting.”

  Rowan stared at Celeste’s back, at the violet scales he had once thought were beautiful. Now, all he could think was that she had led him here. Into this fate. Into this body.

  Rowan didn’t wait for her to turn around. He didn't want to see the hurt in her eyes or the way her mouth would twist as she tried to find more excuses.

  “Don’t pretend, Celeste.” Rowan pushed her away, his new hands feeling disturbingly strong against her shoulders. “I don’t want to hear anything. Just leave me alone.”

  He didn't care that they were surrounded by dozens of predators. He didn't care about the glowing thing that changed him into this, or the siren who was still watching him like a scientist watching a failed experiment. All he cared about was the suffocating weight of his own skin.

  He turned around. He didn't have to struggle against the water anymore; a single, sharp kick of his legs propelled him forward with a speed that made his head swim. It was effortless. It was disgusting.

  He swam toward the furthest, darkest corner, away from the pulsing blue light and the suffocating sound of Celeste’s voice in his head, calling him back. He found a shadow behind one of the massive, crumbling stone pillars and pressed himself into it, his back scraping against the cold, barnacle-encrusted rock.

  He wrapped his arms around his knees, feeling the way his ribs expanded. In and out. In and out. The water flowed through his gills with a steady hum, a constant reminder of the human breath he would never take again.