Accidental Summoner LVL 5 → LVL 6
New Passive Skill: “Team Slightly Competent” – Summons argue 33% less, sword and armour occasionally cooperate, cat now occasionally naps instead of attacking
New Active Skill: “Apocalypse Parade” – Summons + Sentient Loot Participate (Cooldown: Pray for Your Life)
Mood: Somewhere Between “Why Am I Here?” and “Absolutely Not”
I had survived four minor apocalypses, the infernal bureaucracy, and sentient loot.
Today, however, the Infernal Political Faction Summit awaited.
Yes, there were factions. Apparently, in Infernum-7, you earn points by being petty, breaking rules, and causing apocalyptic chaos.
A sign greeted me:
WELCOME TO THE DEMON POLITICAL SUMMIT
RULE 1: EVERYTHING IS POLITICAL
RULE 2: CHAOS IS A VALID ARGUMENT
RULE 3: IF YOU SURVIVE, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE ALIVE
I glanced at Bob.
‘Do you know what we’re doing?’ I asked.
‘Politics!’ it cheered. ‘Optional chaos, mandatory shouting, and free snacks. Probably.’
The sentient sword, Excaliblah, hovered beside me.
‘Ugh,’ it said. ‘Politics. I was forged for battle and compliments, not debating small-minded horned idiots.’
The armour groaned. ‘I second that.’
My boots shuffled angrily. ‘I was promised speed, not meetings.’
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
[NEW QUEST AVAILABLE]
Quest Name: Survive the Infernal Political Faction Summit
Objective:
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Navigate demon politics without being executed.
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Avoid a loot mutiny (Your armour, sword, and boots are opinionated).
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Survive minor apocalypse #5 (Coffee Machine Edition: Extreme)
Reward: Soul Points, Morale Boost for Bob, Slightly Less Judgment from Loot
The summit room was chaos incarnate. A horned mini-boss lobbied for “Apocalypse Points for Everyone”. A gelatinous cube demanded “Equality for Amorphous Lifeforms”. Somewhere, a three-headed bunny was screaming “We Want Snacks!”.
I groaned. Bob waved. ‘Ready?’
I nodded. ‘Let’s… chaos parade this.’
I tapped the system. Glitter, smoke, and faintly burnt toast erupted.
Out came:
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A flying jellyfish in a top hat, zapping everything it touched
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A miniature demon accountant army, wielding staplers and spreadsheets
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A cat the size of a horse, purring ominously
The factions froze. They had no idea how to respond to apocalyptic chaos delivered via cute but deadly summons.
Meanwhile, my loot began arguing.
Excaliblah floated above me. ‘You cannot just let the cat nap on my sword. That is disrespectful!’
The armour groaned. ‘I will shield you… but only because I enjoy seeing Bob flail.’
The boots shuffled angrily. ‘I refuse to be part of a parade unless someone apologises for my size.’
Bob cheered. ‘Team Slightly Competent! Go!’
The mini-boss lobbied for a vote, but the gelatinous cube absorbed the voting papers.
Chaos ensued. A horned demon tripped over a coffee geyser. The three-headed bunny screamed in solidarity. I realised I was winning by sheer absurdity.
[LEVEL UP!]
Accidental Summoner LVL 6 → LVL 7
New Passive Skill: “I Am The Chaos” – Summons now slightly obey, loot occasionally compliments you sarcastically
New Active Skill: “Apocalypse Parade II” – All summons + loot + minor NPCs participate (Cooldown: Don’t Ask)
I slumped in my armour, watching Bob ride the cat like a tiny chaos cowboy.
Somewhere, the clerk demon sipped coffee. ‘They will break at least 31 rules today,’ it muttered. ‘Optimistic.’
And, despite all odds, I felt… in charge. Of chaos. Mostly.