Chapter 11

  I whirled to face the familiar voice, my hand still desperately clutching my eye. Despite the blur in my vision, there was no mistaking the person standing in doorway. I’d know them by their silhouette alone.

  “Mum!?”’

  Mrs Garrett rushed over to me, immediately falling back into the role she had unwillingly left behind all those year ago. “What on earth happened, baby? Let me see” her voice was soft, but urgent, taking my hand gently in her own. I couldn’t help it, I started to cry, the floodgates opening after holding everything in for so long, shifting the shard in my eye but I didn’t care about the pain, it barely registered as I wrapped my arms around her in a massive, desperate hug and wept and she quietly shushed me, stroking my back. I felt like I was a child again. Safe.

  “Shh.. Shh, it’s alright sweetheart, lets get you patched up, alright? Come on..” she carefully manoeuvred me over to the desk chair. I hiccuped and gripped her hand just like I had as a child, scared to let her go just in case this was the universe’s version of a sick joke. She was here, after all these years, she was here.

  I sat still as she had a look at my eye, watching her with thousands of questions running through my head. As I open my mouth to ask, she cut me off with a tut and a small wag of her finger but it wasn’t malicious “Look at the pickle you’ve got yourself in Veylyn. Now, don’t move. Let me grab the first aid kit. Is it still where I left it? I noticed the house hasn’t changed at all since I left” I just nodded. She turned to leave but I was unwilling to let go of her hand. She sent me a soft smile as she glanced back at me with loving eyes.

  “Baby, I promise I’ll be right back. But I need to clean up your eye. OK?”

  I hesitantly drop my hand and nod.

  I swear I was just starting to feel like I had hallucinated the whole thing when she came back, a small green first aid box in hand.

  “I’m sorry it took me so long, honey. I had to find a few things” she reassured as she stepped through the threshold. Bending over me and gently cupping my chin in her hand with the same softness she had when I had fallen over as a kid. She started wiping away the blood that had stopped flowing a few minutes before hand. It stung. But I kept silent, just watching her with my good eye while she worked, still unsure if I was dreaming or something.

  Mrs Garrett focused features broke into a small smile “You’ve grown so much, I can’t believe how tall you’ve gotten, but no matter how much you’ve grown you’ll always be the same little accident prone child of mine.”

  “If you think I’m bad you should meet Lucan..” I mumble as she finishes cleaning the wound around the shard and busies herself with rummaging in the first aid box for something.

  Pulling out a pair of tweezers she glances at me and asks “Lucan? Is he a friend of yours?”

  I nod, then remember that I pushed him away and I look down at my lap. “He used to be but...I’m not so sure any more” I admitted sadly as I fidget with my hands. She took my chin her hand once again, just as soft as last time, this time waving her free hand over my eye. A pale glow came from her hand and a warmth spread through my eye, melting the pain away to a memory. Healing magic. “How did you do that?” I asked awestruck and open mouthed.

  Mrs Garrett chuckled softly before positioning the tweezers above my eye. Eventually they were lost to the blind spot in my vision “Please Veylyn, I lived with your mother for twelve years, I had to patch her up so many times after her experimental spells went wrong that these healing spells are child’s play.” pulling back, with a triumphant noise, I could see a big, sharp, piece of glass between the tweezers. I hadn’t even felt it be removed.

  “That’s amazing..” I gasp and I go to inspect my eye with my hand.

  “Ah!” Mrs Garrett scolded. I quickly lowered my hand before giving her a sheepish grin. I used to always do the same as a kid, inspecting every wound I had with my hands, leading me to go through the process of having it cleaned all over again. “No touching. I’m going to give you an eyepatch for you to wear for now. The spell I did should bring your vision back in a few days at most.” she smiled. “You’ll live”

  I thank her and she places the white, sticky cotton pad over my eye. Finally getting over the initial shock. My voice was low as I questioned her, “Why are you here, Mum?”

  “Charming!” she scoffed playfully. I roll my eyes but I couldn’t help but let a tiny smile appear for a fleeting moment before I fell back into my sombre mood.

  “You know what I mean, Mum. You’re supposed to be dead. If anyone saw you-”

  She cut me off “I saw you on the news. I’m not sure how you ended up with magic or how you got wrapped up with the Binders, but my baby is in trouble and nothing short of being truly dead would stop me from helping you” she waved a dismissive hand “plus it’s been over half a decade. I’m sure I’d be safe by now”

  My heart swelled with love for the woman in front of me and I wrap her in a bone crushing hug “I messed up so bad, Mum. I don’t know what to do” I admitted, burying my head in her shoulder. Fighting tears that threatened to fall once again.

  She hugged me back “Start from the beginning. Explain to me what happened”

  I nod and immediately dive into the past couple weeks. I told her everything I could think of. How Ragneth had been working on a spell for the Queen and something went wrong, leading me to develop magic. I told her how I had lost control in the corn field and decimated the place. I went on to explain the strange phenomena that happened with my magic – how my mana seemed to have a mind of it’s own, saving me from being captured in my first run in with the ASF. I went on to explain that Ragneth did some research, using her connections in the castle to retrieve a book that spoke about the same phenomena, consequently leading us to Saint Elowen from the Church of Elemental Divinity.

  I recalled what happened in the church, telling her about the diary page I found and how Elowen had the same dream I had when I was a kid which, for Elowen, was a message from the Gods. I even told her that I had attempted a summoning ritual that seemed to almost work – until Lucan had barged in.

  I must have been talking for a good forty five minutes. Mum just sat and let me talk, occasionally nodding and asking the odd question here and there. By the time I was done, I felt more drained than I had when practising my magic.

  I slumped down in my chair, physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted. “Well, there you go, Mum. That’s the story. What do you think? Am I royally fucked?”

  She sent me a warning look for my language but took a few seconds to respond “I think you made a mistake throwing Lucan out like you did.”

  What? That whole monologue about my adventures with my magic and the stress I’m under and the first thing she said was about someone else?!

  I immediately shot up in my chair, ready to argue my point but she beat me to it “God, you’re as feisty as your mother. Think about it Veylyn – you need people in your corner, especially in this situation, and you threw away the only person who you have fighting for you, besides Ragneth and me.”

  “Well yeah, I get that but the Queen uses people. She’d use Lucan against me, and who knows what sick and twisted shit she’d do to him. You don’t get it, he’s basically a little puppy. There’s no way he’d manage to stay alive if he was captured by the Queen. I can’t have that. I-” I make a face as I spit out my confession “care about him” it left a sour taste in my mouth.

  “I understand that perhaps you thought you were protecting him by pushing him away, but what if you just made it easier for him to give you up to the Binders? Would it not have been more beneficial to have him close?” she countered

  I shake my head vigorously “No. he wouldn’t do that to me.” but she had already planted the seeds of doubt in my mind.

  Would he give me up? I don’t think he would. That doesn’t seem like something he would do. But that’s the thing with people they’re always unpredictable even when you think you understand them.

  “So what should I do? Apologise to him? Drop to my knees and beg for his forgiveness when I casually pop round next door while a city wide man hunt is out for me?” I huff crossing my arms defensively over my chest. “Look, maybe I did make a mistake, maybe I didn’t, but it’s too late now. I can’t exactly leave the house even if I did want to apologise”

  “Enough with the snarky attitude, Veylyn. That doesn’t help the situation now, does it?” Mum scolded, her voice was sharp but not unkind. “Think. What do you have at your disposal that could help you fix this?”

  I sigh in frustration and groan. Rubbing my hands over my face “I don’t know”

  “Think!”

  “I don’t know!” I exclaim, throwing my arms up in defeat. My body was begging for my bed and my mind was delirious with lack of sleep. The last thing I wanted to do was figure out some bullshit word problem.

  “You do know.” She insisted “Now stop acting like a stroppy child and use that big, academic brain of yours”

  I let out a cry of frustration before I started pacing the office, stifling a yawn as I eased myself into the rhythmic, calming pattern of my footsteps. Booting up my tired brain, the gears inside slowly turning.

  I was a fugitive, that meant leaving the house was out of the question. Could I use something to get his attention? Throw a pebble at his window or something? I shook my head. No, that was a stupid idea. This was real life, not some cheesy romance film. I never got his phone number so I couldn’t call him, which would have been the easiest way of doing things. I chastise myself for not getting it sooner – I know he would have happily given it to me.

  I could get mum to go round but she was basically in the same boat as me. Plus the two mage haters next door remember her so that’s out the question too. My eyes scan around the room. Mum had taken a seat in the chair I had vacated and was watching me with a loving smile on her face. I took in all the books about magic that surrounded me, glancing at the titles on their spines. When it hit me.

  Magic.

  That was it! How could I be so thick? I literally have magic at my fingertips in an office filled with books on the stuff! Maybe leaving the house wasn’t out of the question, all I needed was a spell that rendered me invisible or one that helped me blend into the background like a human chameleon. That way I could sneak in and speak to Lucan without the risk of being spotted. I know there was some sort of spell like that somewhere in the book I was reading. I had skimmed past it during my studying session. Once again too focused on offensive spells to learn ones that could give me an edge.

  My heartbeat raced as I hurried over to the book, flicking aggressively through it, excitement brimming in my stomach before letting out a triumphant whoop after I had gotten to the right page. Congratulating my sleepy brain for making the subconscious decision to store this spell deep in my memory banks.

  “I got it mum!” I cried out a grin on my face, flashing the book in her face like I was showing off an award I had gotten in school.

  “Well done, sweetie. I told you you knew. You just needed a little push in the right direction.” she praised. Her tone warm. I couldn’t help but puff my chest out a little with pride.

  I flipped the book round and showed her the page as I explained my plan “I need to talk to Lucan, but to do so I, one – have to go outside, and I can’t risk getting recognised and two – I have to get past his parents who absolutely hate my guts just because my parents are magic. So, the solution?” I point to the page, jabbing my finger at the written words “invisibility. I don’t need to worry about being spotted when I can’t be seen at all”

  I watched Mum’s eyes scan the spell, a small frown appearing on her aged face. I took in a moment to just look at her and take it all in. She had aged well in the six years (although it felt like longer) she’d been gone. Her auburn hair had streaks of grey in it and was styled in her typical bun style she always wore. Her face had more wrinkles on it than I remember. She still wore the same square black framed glasses from all those years ago. Laugh lines could be see by her eyes. I hoped she had been happy. But there was an ugly side to me that accused her of being too happy.

  This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

  Could she have replaced me and Ragneth?

  “Mum…” I ask, my voice almost a whisper as I fidget in place, playing with the corners of the yellowed pages as I let my insecurities claw their way to the surface.

  “What’s the matter, baby?” her kind eyes instantly leaving the book and locking onto mine. Concern written across her features.

  “Have..” I falter and take a second to really ask myself if I wanted to know the answer to the question. I forced the words out a little harsher than I had intended. “Have you replaced me and Ma?”

  Mum blinked before gently taking the book from me and placing it on the floor before grasping my hands in hers. They were rough but comforting. She rubbed her thumbs over my knuckles. “Oh Veylyn, you and your mother are my world. I could never replace you two. You were both never far from my thoughts. Everyday I wondered what you were up to and what type of person you had grown up into.”

  “So you wouldn’t replace us? Even though you were supposed to spend the rest of your life away from us? I mean you are supposed to be dead.” I question, my head tilted in confusion.

  “Of course not! Me and your mother may have never officially got married but we lived as if we did. Till death do us part doesn’t mean till faked death do us part” she joked with a smile before adding “Why? Has Ragneth been seeing someone? I have four dead husbands, I’m not afraid to make it four dead husbands and one dead wife” a playful frown on her features but I could see doubt in her eyes. She always wore her humour as a shield. I couldn’t help but laugh at the joke though. I can’t remember the last time I had felt free enough to laugh like this. It was refreshing.

  “No, not unless you include her little bum-buddy” I then put on a mocking upper class accent as I roll my eyes “her majesty Queen Nyxara Carpathica”

  “The Queen still making her work unreasonable hours?” Mum questioned sadly.

  I nod, feeling that familiar sting of resentment. Whether it was directed at the Queen or Ragneth, I wasn’t sure. “I’ve seen her like four times maybe? Since everything happened, And she missed my birthday. Didn’t get a card or anything from her. Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t care that she has to work for the Queen as long as she gets to play with her magic. I feel like I’m always second best.” I huff, crossing my arms.

  Mum’s expression softened “Yes, your mother was like that a lot of the time with me as well. Don’t tell her I told you but most the time she was only interested in getting a spell to work she never thought about if she should get it to work. She’s a very intelligent woman but incredibly stupid and selfish sometimes. I suppose you don’t think about the consequences of the spell if the consequences of messing it up result in your death. There were always three people in our marriage: Me, your mother and the Queen.”

  “Like, don’t get me wrong. I love Ma, but the first thing she told me when I developed my magic was that she’ll help me but I have to work things out on my own. Like I hadn’t been doing that already!” I rant. “I cooked, cleaned, clothed, and sorted myself out for school most days when she had been called away by the Queen. I finally had magic thrust upon me and the one person who was supposed to help me decided that I was supposed to do it on my own?” I throw my hands up in defeat “I just don’t get it. Half the time I’m convinced she doesn’t want to be a mum”

  “Alright, now that’s too far, Veylyn” Mrs Garrett cuts in firmly. Her tone authoritative. “Your mother loves you, yes she may have trouble showing it sometimes, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be your mother. She’s doing what she can for this family especially considering the circumstances that we faced. Do you know how difficult it was for her to get me to safety while under the watchful eyes of the Queen and her lackeys?

  Now I understand that you had it hard once I left, believe me the guilt ate me up inside everyday, but your mother had to do everything she could to keep you safe, and sometimes that meant leaving you alone”

  An angry frown appeared on my face and I open my mouth to interrupt her but she holds up a hand and continues

  “No, let me speak. Yes. You were twelve, but how many twelve year-olds have the Queen’s head mage as a mother? One. You. I know for a fact that if I – or Ragneth, thought for even a second that you wouldn’t have been suited to being left alone for so long at such a young age, we would have figured something else out. I even suggested to Ragneth that you should be smuggled out with me, but she reminded me that we taught you better than that, we taught you independence from a young age in case the worst ever did happen. And it did, yes it might suck from your end but we know how strong you are. We always believed in you and always will.”

  I cross my arms as I feel my anger and frustration rise, coiling in my chest like a viper - Sharp and venomous, waiting to lash out and strike. “I was supposed to have a childhood. I was supposed to worry about spots and school work. I was supposed to worry about whether I was going to have friends to go to the movies with or whatever. I was never taught how to act like teenager, I was never allowed to live. I was only ever raised to survive.” my voice doesn’t falter as I go on, it’s not fair to take it out on Mum, she wasn’t even the one I was mad at, but I couldn’t help it.

  “I had heard of birds pushing their young out of nests to get them to fly but I’m not a bird, mum and I wasn’t ready. Ragneth pushed me out before I even knew how to unfold my wings. I was young and I needed a parent. But I had to be my own.”

  I let out a deep sigh as I pushed down the viper, I let my arms hang by my side as I stare at her. “Look, mum. I’m not blaming you, it’s not your fault and I know you both did it to support me and help me in life but that doesn’t mean I can’t be angry at it, it doesn’t mean that I can’t be sad about it.”

  My voice breaks slightly before I continue on, softer this time. “When you left – Ragneth may as well have died with you. Ragneth never told me you weren’t dead until a few days after it all happened. I had spent days mourning your loss. Alone and scared because she was too busy working to notice.”

  I watched as Mum’s features seemed to go through all five stages of grief as I spoke before finally softening as she steps closer to me, gently placing one hand on my shoulder and another on my cheek. From this angle, I can just see over the top of her head and I can’t help but smile a little inside. The last time I saw her, we had been the same height.

  “Veylyn, I’m so sorry that you had to go through so much at such a young age. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been – between school work, feeling abandoned, looking after yourself and mourning me? If I had been in your shoes, I would have drowned.” Her eyes seemed to fill with tears but they didn’t fall. Her voice was thick with emotion. “I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come and I’m so sorry. I am so so sorry that I wasn’t there.”

  I blink, before wrapping her in a hug “It’s alright, mum.” I mumble softly “You’re here now.”

  Pulling back after a moment of tight embrace, I watch as she wiped a few loose tears from her cheeks before letting out a shaky breath “Your mother… I admit, she made mistakes. We both did. We were new parents in a difficult situation but everything we did was for you, was because we love you. She loves you with every ounce of her being – I know that. I remember watching her face light up as she walked through the door as she watched you race down the hallway and into her arms. I remember every drawing you had made her that she had stuck to our fridge.” she let out a light chuckle “We ran out of magnets at one point, our fridge may as well have been an art gallery. But I digress, I’m not condoning her actions but she did what she did because she was scared to lose you too. Grief has a way of changing people.”

  she gave me another quick hug before studying my face, I could see my face, distorted and reflected in her lenses. “I’m not asking you to forgive her, I know I wouldn’t if I were in your position but don’t let this pain determine who you are. Don’t let it weigh down your shoulders. They’re carrying enough already.”

  She quickly claps her hands together “Right, enough of this sad stuff. Don’t you have a spell to be mastering? I’ll tell you what: you start working on that and I’ll make you something to eat. You must be starving. I hope you’ve been eating properly since I’ve been away” she adds in a mothering tone before heading out the room.

  I was left alone in the office. The past hour or two seemed like a dream. I could hear the banging and clanging of pots and pans in the distance, reinforcing that this was not a dream but was in fact, completely real. I shake my head and rid myself of my daydreaming state. I had already wasted precious time with my emotional roller coaster of a discussion with Mum, I needed to get this spell learnt as quickly as possible. Then, maybe see if Mum would be willing to teach me a bit of healing magic.

  I pick up the book from the ground where mum had left it, the tome was heavy in my hands so I swept off the remaining shards of glass from the desk onto the floor, I’ll clean it later, if I ever get the time. I begin reading.

  Phantom’s Shadow – spell of near invisibility.

  This ancient art shall allow the caster to become one with their surroundings. Becoming as a shadow without the casting of light. Though it does not grant true invisibility, it shall veil thy in near imperceptibility. Rendering them a whisper upon the wind and ghost upon the land. A powerful spell that will open opportunities. There’s a small annotation next to it, almost as if added in as an after thought, it’s not in Ragneth’s handwriting. Perhaps the author’s? “Beware, the spell can linger beyond initial command. Thou shalt fade into eternity, unseen and unremembered. May this knowledge guide your hand in caution.”

  Sounds ominous. I read on.

  To master this craft, thy must empty thine mind and heart of all sensations as though thine is a wisp adrift the winds, unbound by mortal form. Next to this in Ragneth’s handwriting this time are the words “think like a shadow – calm, unseen and part of the background.”

  When thy spirit is stilled and thy minds is empty, allow your mana to flow as the stream through the glen. Filling thee up as the well fills with water. Permit it to crest and overflow, permit it to flow over thee, permit its ancient power to cloak thee from the gaze of those who seek. Thou art no more than a shadow, hidden yet not absent.

  When thy purpose is fulfilled, summon thy mana homeward. Draw it back into thy soul and core, binding it once more to thy dominion. Let thy focus ne’er falter. Gods speed enchanter.

  Seemed easy enough if I had translated it from old English correctly.

  Famous last words I can tell.

  Settling myself in the desk chair, I close my eyes and mumble to myself “Alright, let’s try this”. I sit as still as possible, using the pointers given to me by those meditation books I had read previously and Ragneth’s advice. I let out a slow breath through my mouth and let myself relax. My arms laying loosely on top of the arm rests. My stomach rumbles, I grumble and shift my weight, doing my best to ignore it. I breath in deeply through my nose and let it out slowly, but the shifting of my weight must have caused something in the chair to move because I was ever so slowly spinning.

  I huff and sit myself down on the floor in front of the desk. “Son of a bitch!” I hiss as I receive a tiny shard of glass in my palm for my troubles. “Relax, Veylyn.” I say aloud.

  I try once again to relax and enter that flowing state the book had mentioned. I was almost at the precipice of my goal. Thinking of nothing and emptying myself of all emotions, until a car races past my window, it’s engine’s roar rousing me from my near meditative state. I growl and stand up, sauntering over to the window and slamming it shut. I mumble profanities under my breath as I try again. I focus on nothing but my mana, feel it bubbling up inside me, I let it bubble and fill as my breathing slows to a deep rhythmic pattern. I feel tingly and I almost lose focus when the feeling starts in my fingers and toes before slowly spreading up my neck.

  I get flash backs of what happened last time I had let my mana overflow and explode out but this time I was in control. This time the mana goes where I want it to. I imagine a see-through shell around my body, I let the mana fill up the shell, I feel like I’m drowning as the mana washes over me like a wave, waiting to take me under. My breathing loses it’s rhythmic pattern and I feel myself losing control.

  I grab a hold of the carpet under me, feeling the shaggy, coarse material under my fingertips and I try desperately try to ground myself. I list everything I remember in the office to convince myself that I’m not drowning. Thinking the mundane contents of the office might pull me away from the swirling, chaotic energy that threatened to burst free.

  I am in Ragneth’s office, where the carpet is light brown. Patches of it are burnt from old spell mishaps. The walls are filled with books on magic, there used to be a lamp that stood on the desk. My breathing starts to find its deep rhythmic pace again but I don’t stop listing things. The lamp was glass. Green, like those old fashioned pool table lamps. The desk chair is black. It has wheels.

  All of a sudden, I feel this sensation of coldness and my ears pop slightly. Just as Mum opens the door, a plate full of pancakes in hand. The smell was divine and my stomach rumbled once again. She looked around the room confused as if unable to see me.

  “Did you manage the spell or are you in the toilet?” She called out.

  “I’m here, Mum. I’m guessing it worked?” I reply, making her jump. She almost dropped the pancakes. “Sorry. I’m sat in front of the desk if that helps you in anyway?” I tell her. I watch as she squints and adjusts her glasses as if she’s looking through me.

  “Oh!” her face lights up in a smile as her confusion melts away “There you are. All I see is a shadow. Like there’s supposed to something there but there isn’t. That is ever so peculiar! Well done, baby”

  “Don’t congratulate me yet, I gotta get back to corporeal form first. Although maybe I should stay as a shadow forever, haunt the ever-loving shit out of everyone.” I chuckle before shifting my focus back on to reversing the spell. “Mum. I suggest you leave, I’m not too sure what will happen if I fuck this up and I don’t wanna ruin the pancakes” I joke, hiding my fear with humour.

  Mum just laughed and left the room, closing the door as she did so. I was once again left alone with my thoughts.

  “Draw it back into thy soul and core” I mumble as I recount the book’s instructions, really wishing there was more to it than just that one sentence. “bind it once again to thy dominion” I continue as I close my eyes. Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

  I can feel the shell around me bend and mould as my mana pushes and crashes against the invisible wall I placed around it. Every movement it makes sends a spark of electricity through my body like a warning. My mind flashes back to the day in the field – images of the last explosion flash across my vision like lightning. I feel fear dig it’s claws in me as I imagine what would happen if I fail at bringing my power back within me. I can feel my chest tightening as the fear grips me harder but I shove it down aggressively. No. This time, I’m in control. I open my eyes, a cold heat radiating from them, the world was tinged with blue, like I’m looking through stained glass.

  The mana is thrashing wildly against it’s bounds, in the blue tint I can see flailing tendrils flickering around me. I grab hold of one in a tight fist, like I’ve got the mana by the throat. My voice growls like thunder as I speak “You belong to me. You’re mine to control. I am not your slave, I am your master. You are mine to dominate, mine to rule. You are...MINE”

  I swiftly bring up my free hand and imagine myself absorbing all the mana as I broke the shell allowing the power to break free, my palm glowed bright, ocean blue as the cold tendrils were dragged back within me. There was sweat on my brow from the effort and my teeth were gritted with determination.

  I brought the last tendril up to my face, watching as it flailed pathetically in my fist, its crashing waves of energy now little more than ripples.

  “You belong to me” I snarl before releasing it and felt it shrink back inside me, like a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs.

  The world slowly faded back to it’s original colours and exhaustion hit me like a ten tonne truck. The lack of sleep, mixed with ravenous hunger and constant bombardment of magic was starting to take a toll on me. My legs wobbled below me and I groaned loudly as I flopped myself, out of breath and sweaty into the desk chair. Letting the comfy cushions take the brunt of my weight. I could have dropped off right there and then. My hands glowed like they did when I mastered a spell. The ordeal was over.

  Mum popped her head round the door and her face once again breaks into that warm, loving smile I had missed so much. “You’re back! And still in one piece. Celebratory pancake?”