Only Human, After All

  Good lord. I’m starting to get scared. This life, these memories, these feelings. It’s happening so fast, and I had no time to catch up. I’m meant to be the grounding principle guiding you through my life. And look at me. Just breaking down in front of you as I struggle to watch myself. I’m sorry.

  …

  I’ve run far enough away that I can’t hear the machine gun drums anymore. Shula won’t be able to chase me this far. If I tune into her wire I can see she’s still at Zev’s with her sister. Strange, considering she implied she was going to run after me and kill me. Funny how she’s having second thoughts now that Ava woke up, isn’t it? Maybe we shouldn’t be making threats when we don’t even know the full situation. Absolute monkey. Ava’s brain is back online too, running at full capacity. “And she was previously registered in my mind as the Nymph, right? That changed. She is now the Soul. I’m not sure what that means to me.” I rambled under my breath, the metal soles of my boots making small splashes as I stumble zig-zagged across the sidewalk, avoiding stepping on every crack. “Well I have some ideas. I had a strange feeling when I was inside her wire. I saw a part of her I don’t think anyone else has seen. She isn’t as full of herself as she presents.” I continue muttering, voice raising from a mumble. My head lifts up as I walk, and I can’t feel the rain on my neck anymore. A familiar dizziness washes over me, as my perception shifts from myself to another. I don’t know if it’s my wire or my power doing this, but I hope I find out soon.

  …

  “Demi, right? Hard to mistake that acid green hair for anyone else,” He laughed. Who’s he?

  “Yeah, that’s me.” Demi answered warily, eyeing this unfamiliar man up and down. The alcohol is skewing the details, but he was tall, built, and had a very striking pair of pure gold rimmed smart glasses. “Everyone knows me though. So you need me for something, or..”

  He shook his head, “This establishment is hardly the place for any of that.” He waved over to the hearth, “Put his tab on me.” He gestured kindly to Demi.

  Demi’s eyes perked up, “Well alright.” He chuckled. “How are you, I’m Demi. Friends call me Gira, last name.”

  “I’m ███████, or Sho if that’s easier.” He introduced, before knocking on the table, and two shots were slid over. He took both, holding them between his fingers. He then threw them both in the air, and with insane precision- He stopped one just enough for the G-force to allow the liquid to fall in his mouth, swallowed the shot, then caught the glass and let the other fall, and stopped it just enough for the liquid to fall, then caught the glass. He placed the two glasses down smoothly, closing his mouth with a slight sour look.

  Demi’s jaw dropped. “Holy shit dude. I’ve seen a lot in my life, but I have NEVER seen that. Where did you learn that?”

  “Learned it from a doctor at Rex-U. He’s gotta be the second smartest guy I ever met. I was studying for the theory part of my Level 3 Intelligence Officer.” Sho began, casually stating his rank as a Level 3 without a hint of pride. Maybe to discourage eavesdroppers from hearing? Or did he just not care?

  “Excuse me, your what?” Demi replied with shock.

  Sho brushes off his excitement as if it were nothing, and continues on. “He’s like the prized jewel of Rex-U. He’s never in a class for more than a week, he’s a doctor in everything under the sun, and he got signed off the same day he walked in for my course.”

  “So how did you learn a bar trick in class?” Demi prodded, curiosity piqued.

  “The guy got bored. He pulled out a small bottle of vodka in class, and no one batted an eye. Slid two shot glasses in front of him, filled both half way. He explained to me how the liquid will fall if you stop the G-force of the glass, and if you time it just right, you can have it fall right back in both. And then he juggled them. It made an illusion, that they were circling in the air without the vodka ever touching the shot glass.

  What I do is just an imitation, granted I had to practice two whole weeks before I got it right.” Sho explained in full, a sly grin on his face as if he were proud to have even met this genius in question.

  Demi was awestruck, grinning stupidly. It must have been ages since he was told something that didn’t involve a threat or someone getting hurt. That childlike grin on his face, I feel it hasn’t been present since he founded the scourge. “You’re a Level 3 then? As in- You’re the top ranking in military intelligence? You run the whole damn show?” He inquired further, he just wanted to be sure. Absolutely sure. That was a crazy claim after all.

  Sho gave but a chuckle in reply, then turned to face Demi, mouth close to his ear in a whisper. “I got fired, man. I was flirting with an executive, the professor’s daughter. He caught us making out after hours in his classroom. It was a week after I’d graduated and we’d just had a potluck celebration in the class for everyone who passed, we stayed behind and one thing led to another. And another led to the military intelligence director’s father watching his daughter get-”

  Demi burst out in a sudden fit of laughter.

  He shrugged his shoulders, “Next morning, mysteriously all my licenses and privileges were revoked.” Sho finished, raising a brow at Demi as he started to fall off his chair in hysterical laughter. It was almost like he hasn’t really laughed in years.

  When he recovered from his laughing fit, Demi hobbled himself back up on his seat. “That’s gotta be competition for the most insane story I’ve heard at this place.” He confessed, out of breath.

  “If that’s all it took, wait until you hear the story about how I exposed a stalker who was watching me at the bar through my wire. He went from the centre of attention to the laughing stock, and all it took was one, simple, trick.”

  …

  A gut wrenching stake of panic ran through me. I stumbled into the nearest alley as I felt my heart rate jump. Did he know I was listening, or is that a real story? As my forehead leaned on the wall and the rocky texture itched my skin, I felt a sensation like a wire inside my brain severing itself. How do I describe what I’m feeling right now, as my breathing becomes so rapid and hoarse that the back of my mouth feels like a desert? How do I even live like this? I’ve been shoved into a world that hates me and I don’t know how to tell it- how to tell it, I don’t mean any harm. Please. Please give me a sign please someone please someone please please please someone please someone please give me a please give me me me give me give me give me a sign please someone-

  “Hey. Kid, are you okay?” A stranger asked me, kneeling down in front of me as I hyperventilated on the cold pavement, staring desperately at the back of my visor, for once wishing I could finally see through my own eyes, and not through this machine that utterly controls me.

  The phantom stranger looked upon me with sympathy. No pity. As if he had been in this exact same scenario not too long ago. But how could anyone, anyone possible relate to me? I’m not human, after all, I’m- “You’re only human, kid. And judging by that wire you’ve got, that brain of yours must be fucked up.. God, I don’t even wanna know what it is or how you got it. But take this. Trust me, it’ll help.” The phantom stranger assured me, as he held out a device, glowing with numbers and symbols. It had a percentage marker on it, one marking the amount of fluid left inside it, the other marking the amount of power left inside it. “It’s a nicotine module. I can install it into your wire, it seems to have more ports than stars in the sky.”

  “Nicotine?” I said in shock. “That’s a banned substance. How do you even have something like that?”

  The phantom stranger chuckled at me, and moved around to my backside, and opened up a hatch I didn’t even know was there. He inserted the module, and closed it with a satisfying click. “Wait a couple seconds.”

  “Haah.. Haah.” I fell back against the wall, as my head spun, yet it was so empty. The hurricane of thoughts that raced around inside me suddenly faded, and I could see the plain wall in front of me for what it was. The details of the world faded, and suddenly, I was in my own body.

  “It looks like you’re feeling better now. See? You’re only human. All it takes is a basic stimulant and you’re normal.” The phantom stranger explained. He stood up, and gestured for me to do the same. I followed, and I stood, shakily. My legs felt almost numb, but it was a feeling I could tell I would get used to quickly. I grin, as a sudden revelation shot through me. “I am human, aren’t I? There’s nothing wrong with me. Those assholes up in the sky conditioned me to think otherwise, but they aren’t really in control of me anymore, are they?”

  “Fuck no, kid. I don’t know what the sky is, or who put a wire like that in you, but I assure you, we’re all in the same boat down here. God, what happened to you?” The phantom stranger inquired.

  “For my whole life, which is about 21 years, I was isolated inside a small space. A large laboratory, it’s like a whole community in there, but I still felt so alone. The people in there weren’t really my friends, and my parents, or that’s what I call them, they weren’t around me a lot. The more I grew, the more I was alone, and this wire of mine, and my people watching is the only way I could interact with others. You want me to be honest, stranger? I haven’t had a real relationship with another human being not once in my entire life, aside from people trying to guide me, or me depending on others. And it’s fucking stupid, and I’m done.” I admit, shaking my head. “And now here I am, locked up in these restraints. Still alone, even though I’m out in the open.”

  The phantom stranger let out a hearty, theatrical laugh. “Yeah. That’s fucking insane, I don’t even know what to say. I’ve been pretty alone throughout my life too, but I’ve always had my friends if no one else.”

  I laugh in return. “The only real friend I had was taken from me when I was ten, and by the time he came back to see me again, they’d already wired me up so fucking bad I was afraid of him.”

  “Actually, actually insane. The name is Quinn, by the way. Quinn Sterling.” He stated, and extended a hand for a handshake. Insulting gesture, to be honest.. Considering my hands are caged up. Though he kept it extended, expectantly, as if he didn’t notice that my hands were caged inside-

  What the fuck is happening?

  I start to move my fingers, feeling them move as if they were never caged. I feel metal encasing them, heavy metal. Though each finger moves, individually, the machine that encases them moves along with it. “Quinn? What did you do? My fingers, they’re moving?”

  Quinn Sterling smirked at me. “Well, I heard from a bird that you think your hands are caged. They aren’t. You have some pretty heavy-ass gauntlets on, but the moment I put that module in, it changed shape, and your fingers are encased in metal sure- but they move. Like some mecha gloves.”

  “You’re kidding me.” I grin defiantly, and lift my hand, grasping his, and shaking it. “Good to meet you, Quinn. I’m Tedd.”

  “No last name, none at all?” Quinn jested, removing his hand and wringing it around as if he just placed his hand inside a vice grip. He probably did.

  “No. Just Tedd. They didn’t afford me the luxury of a real name, so I just got a name from someone I met down here. Shula, from the Scourge. But I fucked up and nearly killed her sister, so guess what, she hates me now, and so does everyone I’ve met since I’ve came down here. Actually, I think you’re the only person I haven’t made enemies with.” I went on, as a spark grew inside my chest. A spark of confident apathy, I’ll call it.

  This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

  “Well, news for you, Tedd. I don’t really give a shit about anything or anyone, but one thing I don’t like seeing is a kid having a panic attack inside his own mind while hugging his knees on the side of the street. So if you ever get in that head of yours. Call on me. I’d give you my mindwire ID, but with that wire of yours, you already know don’t you?”

  “Yes. Your ID is.. Oridryn, right?” I ask confusedly. It was a strange name after all.”

  “Goddamn right, and don’t forget it. I’m the only one in the world with that name, so you remember, if you see it, that’s me.” Quinn said with a finger pointed in the centre of my visor. “I’ll be off now, Tedd. I hope we meet again, toodles~”

  …

  Oridryn? Why is that name so familiar to me? No, it doesn’t matter. The fact is, this was an unforeseen event. I was supposed to be contacted by Shorell from here, and led to Lynn’s office, where we had a deep conversation about what I’m supposed to do next. Lynn is supposed to be the one and only place I can go where I feel safe in this time period. I’m not supposed to be sufficient on my own. I never was. Not until now. So why, why am I gaining this level of full conscience so early?

  …

  As the door to Zev’s opens again, I briefly catch the machine gun drums and techno melody leaking out noise pollution into the street. Shula, Demi, Sho, Ava, and Kiara pop out into my peripheral vision. I guess I’d better get the hell away from them, after all, I wouldn't want Shula to make good on her promise. So I tucked back into the alley I nearly lost myself in, and I watched as everyone passed right by me. I shuddered slightly as Demi and Shula specifically walked by me as if I was a ghost. And as Balor walked by, part of me thought he looked my way- But I could tell not even he knew I was there. All of them flood by, and as I peek my head out of the alley, they’re all walking by ahead of me.

  “So much for- Tedd the first.” I mumbled. “You won’t ever have to talk about it, so long as you reject the issues you face. Push them away, attack them. Pretend they won’t come back. You know I’m not going anywhere, right?” I spoke with more volume than I realized, facing my friends who were walking away from me. Yet not one of them turned their heads. They all stopped at an intersection, and Balor pushed a button on a traffic light post. The walk indicator blinked on, and the storm of rushing traffic ceases. The Scourge crossed the road, and just like that, the storm of traffic resumed, and they were out of sight, but still living in my mind rent-free.

  “Hey dude. You look like shit.” Sneered a familiar voice from behind me.

  “Oh. Cade. The one who got me into this mess in the first place. I have a few choice words for you. Go swallow the barrel of a gun.” I respond apathetically.

  “Hey, don’t be so quick to tell me to fuck off. You want to have friends, right? You just got off on the wrong foot. I assure you, the scourge doesn’t hate you. Ava is their weakest link after all. Only reason why they’re all so sour is because Shula is so important to them, so to see her hurting, it pisses them off. If you make up with one of those two, you’ll be in their good graces.” Cade explained with a devilish grin. “You know, I can help you.”

  “You can help me? Cade, you have done nothing but lie to me thus far. You’ve been manipulating Ava. When I went inside of her wire, I-”

  Cade cut me off, putting a finger to my lips. “Yeah I know, I manipulated you too. Lied to you actually. There are a multitude of ways to un-wire yourself from someone, including blocking them on social media, or just flat out placing their inbound traffic on a firewall in your wire’s settings, even the most basic wires have it.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with you!?” I shouted out, rage flashing through me as I grabbed Cade’s hoodie and swung him, slamming him into the alley wall. “Cade, I almost KILLED her! I almost killed someone, you made me almost KILL someone I care about, someone my friends care about! You made her out to be a monster, when she’s just someone who’s hurting because she depends on YOU!” I ranted, my grip on him becoming tighter, and only now do I notice I have a hand gripping his neck.

  “Ack-” He choked, “Tedd- Tedd, you’re-”

  I let him go and back off quickly as soon as I realised. “Sorry- I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was-”

  Cade moved in as soon as I let up, stabbing a needle into my neck. I didn’t have time to react, it flowed quickly, and I soon fell down, only able to look up at him and listen. “I was helping you in the long run. And it looks like you’ve realised those hands of yours aren’t caged at all. I wanted to show you what you’re capable of with that wire. What’s the point of having so much power if you don’t even know you have it? You’re a god in this world of wires and cognitive manipulation, Tedd. And you’re using it on yourself too. You thought that visor was bolted into your head, when it’s only an electromagnet. And you thought your hands were caged, when they’re only restrained by armored gloves. Which are controlled by your wire as well, mind you.”

  “Cade..” I murmur. “You know an awful lot about me for someone I’ve never met. Who are you?”

  “Tedd, if I told you that, it would be no fun. But I think there’s a certain enemy who you need to deal with now. Does killjoy ring a bell?” Cade moved in closer to me, whispering so quietly yet his voice was so loud.

  “Of course it rings a bell, how could I forget them? They nearly killed all my fr.. nearly killed everyone in the scourge, and I went through hell to get them patched up. Everything went to shit after Killjoy came into play.” I cursed at him, glaring behind my visor. I know he knows so much more than he’s letting on, and it is pissing me off. He knows everything that’s going on and he’s trying to string me along. He’s worse than Balor.

  “You’re about to go through even more hell if you just let them all walk away like that.” Cade said and nodded towards where the Scourge walked away from.

  My fingers open and close rapidly as it sets in. I know he’s right. Killjoy won’t just suddenly disappear because I ignore them. Kaito wants everyone in the Scourge dead, especially Demi. “But they hate me now, Cade. And I can’t exactly run after them, not with the way they feel about me. They don’t even want to see my face.” I grumbled. I so badly wanted to get up and slug this asshole in his grinning face. But whatever this sedative is, it’s strong.

  “But Tedd; you have an alibi now. I mean, with what I’ve told you, you could head over and tell them what I’ve done. They’ll forgive you instantly, and I’ll be the bad guy.” Cade explained to me, his slender frame poised over my body.

  “What, with these sedatives in my blood? I can’t fucking move.” I spat.

  Cade smirked at me, and moved off of me, sitting half cross legged beside my immobile, sedated body. He spoke quietly. “That’s a whole lot coming from the kid who said, and I quote, I spoke to the machine, using what I call, Full Conscience.”

  My eyes widened under my visor, and my body shot up like a rocket to a standing position. I couldn’t even register the movements. Did I just fly? No, it wasn’t; isn’t that simple. Balor had the wrong idea. I didn’t fly. My brain and central nervous system are all digitally regulated, even my peripheral. I spoke to the machine; I speak to the machine, using full conscience, and it does as I command. And I said, move.

  The sedatives no longer held bearing as I took brisk steps out of the alley, then turned around to face Cade who was still sitting, grinning up at me like he had anything to be pleased about with those inferior wires and drugs taking free reign over his mind and body. “I hate you, Cade. But thank you for this.”

  I took off, jogging through the quiet sidewalks, only disturbed by the constant hum of electric motors flying through the street. My feet hit the ground loudly with each step, as I ran like a dark tower stalking through the night, only visible by the faint white glow along my visor and my spine. My body didn’t feel heavy. I wasn’t forcing it to move anymore. It was moving for me. I approach the crosswalk, and take a quick glance at the traffic lights. I spoke to the machine, and the lights went red. Cars slammed on their brakes all four ways, no doubt the drivers caught in disbelief. I kept jogging across, not stopping for a moment. The lights went green as I passed, and the disgruntled drones continued their commute. They wouldn’t care in the next ten minutes anyways, with the influx of information from their wires polluting their minds.

  Familiar faces were stopped ahead of me, gathered in a circle around Ava. She was leaning against a black tinted window, soft neon pink casting above her oily hair. I stop before they notice me in a moment of hesitation to listen in on them.

  “Ava, you okay to talk now..?” Claive asked carefully, standing close to her with that relaxed posture of his.

  “Yeah. I- I think so.” Ava stammered. She was still quite shaken from what happened. She likely remembered all of it; or maybe not. I can only listen and see for the final verdict.

  “Alright. Tell us as much as you feel comfortable with, alright?” Claive asked gently, maintaining eye contact, but not too much.

  “I was just on the dance floor hiding in my corner, when suddenly I saw Tedd behind me. He was like a digital ghost, everyone else became background noise when he spoke. He infiltrated my wire like nothing, bypassed all the firewalls. He told me to unwire myself from Cade. I snapped at him, like I was scared, fuck. And then he just said die, and I blacked out after the worst headache in my life. When I woke up I was reliving the fight I had with Shula before you guys came to rescue us, but Tedd was there. My mind started going crazy, distorting my memory and I don’t remember much, but I know I was spiralling, and then Tedd said something to me and I woke up. I don’t remember what it was, but I felt butterflies. It made me feel safe.” Explained Ava, with exhaustion half muting her every word.

  I tap my foot on the ground once to announce my presence. Their gazes shot toward me like aimed rifles. “Hey.” I said dully. “Can I explain what happened?”

  Without missing a beat, Shula dashed at me, her golden hair like a comet in the night as her fist flew into my face, her knuckles smashing into my nose. I felt the vessels burst, and an explosion of blood gushed from my face. Instantly, I felt her grab my hair, and while I was still reeling she slammed her fist into my face again, her hard knuckles slamming into my teeth like a bullet, completely busting my lip and knocking one of my bottom teeth loose. Agonizing pain shot through me, all I could do was stagger. I leaned against the window with my palm, breathing in quick, staggered heaves. “F-fuck! Shula, what the hell!”

  “Tedd, you ever even think about doing that shit again I won’t stop! I’ll fucking kill you if you lay a hand on her again, understand me!?” She shouted into my face, slamming her palm into my chest and pinning me to the wall.

  “Shula! I get it!” I yelled back, pushing her off me with more force than I meant to. “NOW LET ME FUCKING TALK!”

  Demi drew on me, so did Balor, aiming directly at my head as Shula barely held herself back from going right at me.

  “Talk then. And make it quick, because you’re on thin ice, buddy.” Balor said, the hammer on his gun clicking.

  “Alright. I’ll make this quick-” Just like that, I felt frozen. The words wouldn’t come out, the pressure, it was destroying me. This isn’t good. Come on. Just think. Think, for one second. One second is all it will take.

  “You’ve been standing there silent for two fucking minutes. What’s the hold up?” Demi pressured impatiently, slowly lowering his gun. Shula’s angered scowl had slightly calmed down, almost as if she could see it in me.

  “I refuse.” I muttered.

  “Are you serious right now? You nearly killed-” Shula began, and that look in her eye said she wasn’t done beating my face in. But I cut her off.

  “I refuse to blame Cade for all this. I fucked up, I don’t have an explanation for you. I’ll do better next time. There won’t even be a next time. This will never happen again. I’ll make you proud, I promise.” I said boldly.

  “What are you talking about.” Ava mumbled. The rest turn their heads to her. They didn’t expect she’d even want to speak to me.

  “Cade. He planned all of this. He wired you, and used your lack of knowledge to his advantage. Did the same to me, and now he can come and go from my head as he pleases. He tricked me into thinking you were this abusive monster who wouldn’t let him go, and by the looks of it, he made you think the same thing. I was angry, and I wanted to free him. But it’s on me for not seeing through his bullshit, so don’t any of you let me off the hook, even for a second.” I explained coldly.

  Ava’s eyes widen. “No.. wait, it makes sense. Cade is a member of the circuit breakers- or was, before he ditched them when Demi shot down their leader and the whole group fell apart. If anyone knows how to get inside someone’s wire, it’s him. He knows how they work inside and out, he’s a modder.”

  Demi held the bridge of his nose, and begrudgingly holstered his M1911. Balor did the same. “Can’t exactly say you’re wrong, Tedd. Cade did the same shit to me back in the day. I had to get my wire disabled just to get him out of my head.” Demi grumbles, side eyeing a nearby road sign.

  “Demi, don’t fucking let me off the hook. At least be fucking mad at me,” I insisted, stepping toward him, looking down at him with a resentful scowl. He only shook his head at me. Claive gave me a knowing grin, “That part’s over, pal. He was already mad you. Nothing is gonna come of the boss throwing a fit over a non-issue.” He assured me, glancing over to Demi who nods in agreement.

  …

  Why? Why, Tedd, do you keep surpassing my expecations? Why do I keep doing… good? I was supposed to be outcast from the scourge here, and from there I crawled to Killjoy in hopes of someone else accepting me. But instead I stood my ground, took accountability, and the Scourge seen good in me for it.

  This period has been odd to say the least. As for the next one? My story has ventured so far off track I can hardly tell if this is my own life I’m reliving.

  …