To my child,

  my moods are odd. Meditating so much makes me calmer, but I still feel like a stick in a stream.

  Today I touched qi for the first time. Touching qi is like touching fog according to the book and for once I understand what it is trying to say. Nobody can just touch qi and use it like an object. Making little waves in the qi is about all I can do.

  The book says to cleanse qi by running it through a mental construct like a sieve and do several layers of that. Why is the qi dirty though? And how do I know when it's clean enough?

  I cant even get the qi to move in the direction I want, let alone make a mental construct. Before I get anywhere my qi sense fades. That's why people need to feel it all the time first, I think.

  I wish there was someone I could ask.

  I still don't understand why I am locked up in here learning cultivation. Not even the nice guard is willing to say anything.

  Also, why am I learning it but the master and mistress don't? Or the guards? Even if it's just for the longer life and better health.

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  In love,

  your mother