Nomius offered to come with us and stay invisible to keep an eye on Tadwick, but Chloe advised against it. She said that if anything happened, the entire town guard would be on it in a heartbeat.

  Chloe had organised for a carriage to take us all into town. She rode her horse alongside. Tadwick and I got out in the central marketplace and Kiyui continued on in the coach to the nobles’ quarter. So, it was just Tadwick, Chloe and I.

  Tadwick: “What is a tailor anyway?”

  Dwynfel: “Somebody who makes clothes.”

  Tadwick: “If he makes them, then why does he need us? Can’t he just send them to us?”

  Dwynfel: “You see… he doesn’t just make them… he also alters them so that they fit your size perfectly.”

  Chloe: “He needs to measure you.”

  Tadwick: “Oh.”

  Everybody in the town was staring at me and whispering to each other. It made me really uncomfortable, so I urged everybody inside as quickly as possible. As soon as we got in the door, a loud and familiar voice erupted from the back of the shop.

  Agaroth: “Took you cunts long enough. I’ve already picked mine out. Whaddya think?”

  Tadwick started giggling. Agaroth was stood in front of us, wearing a green silk jacket with matching trousers.

  Dwynfel: “It certainly makes an impression.”

  Agaroth: “Well, I figured, it’s a ball honouring a goblin. May as well rock a bit a green, ya know.”

  Chloe: “No chance, mate.”

  Agaroth: “What?”

  Chloe: “Do you just spend your life trying to wind up Phoenix?”

  Agaroth: “Not at all… it’s just an amusing hobby.”

  Chloe: “Phoenix gave me very specific instructions on what you are all going to wear. This is a big event and she won’t have any of you looking ridiculous.”

  Dwynfel: “Is she paying for this?”

  Chloe: “Lady Katheryn is paying for your clothes. But Phoenix will kill you if you embarrass her. So, best behaviour, the lot of you.”

  Chloe pointed very specifically at Agaroth and made a rather threatening gesture.

  Tadwick: “Is that a sign like Nomius does? I dunno that one.”

  Dwynfel: “Don’t copy that one Tad… its rude.”

  Naturally… Tadwick instantly started trying to copy it. Fortunately, the tailor walked over at that moment.

  Tailor: “Hello… my name is Steven Tailor. And I will be handling your measurements and alterations today.”

  Agaroth: “Why, at least ya got the right name for it. I’m afraid I’m no allowed the green one, apparently.”

  Chloe: “They will all have matching black dinner suits, please.”

  Tailor: “Not a problem, ma’am. If you would all take off your boots and step this way, so that I can measure you all.”

  He had a wall at the back with various lines on it which denoted different heights. We all stood next to a different set of lines and he walked along the three of us taking the measurements.

  Tailor: “Sir Agaroth… 6ft 6in. Mister Dwynfel… 4ft exactly. Young Master Tadwick… 3ft 7in.”

  Dwynfel: “What… no way… Tadwick… come here.”

  Tadwick: “Huh?”

  Dwynfel: “Stand next to me for a second.”

  Tadwick: “Ok.”

  Tadwick stepped over to me and stood directly in front of me. Fucking hell… he’s up to my nose now.

  Dwynfel: “You have definitely had a growth spurt… how are you growing so fast? You were only up to my chin a month ago.”

  Tadwick: “Woo! I’m getting big!”

  Agaroth: “He’s growin’ fine, ya daft prick. You’re just a short arse.”

  Chloe: “He’s got you there, Dwyn.”

  Dwynfel: “Don’t encourage him.”

  Tailor: “I have a variety of men’s suits that should fit you over in that section over there, sir. I shall take some more precise measurements from you in a second. As for you two… I have many suits that should suit you in the boy’s section over here.”

  Oh well this is just fucking fantastic… I have to shop in the children’s section. I thought this was just going to be a nice little shopping trip… I didn’t think I was going to be shamed for my hight every five minutes.

  Tailor: “I will need to take more specific measurements before I can find the best match for you and make any further alterations. Who would like to be measured first?”

  Tadwick: “Oh, me me me me me me!”

  Dwynfel: “I think he would like to go first.”

  Tadwick: “Yay!”

  The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  While the tailor was measuring Tadwick I stood with Agaroth and Chloe and waited. I’ve never been in a proper tailor’s before. All my clothes were always made for me by my mum. She made everything to fit perfectly.

  It is a strange place… so many different materials. I always knew that leather had a strong smell… but other materials like silk can also be quite strong when in large quantities. Although, that may just be my goblin nose going into overdrive.

  There are so many suits in here… they are hanging from hooks from the ceiling… on railings at the sides of the room… on large wooden doll things stood in the window. It really is quite fascinating.

  Dwynfel: “Chloe… when you said you had some other things to show me… what exactly did you mean?”

  Chloe: “Getting curious are we?”

  Dwynfel: “Well, yes. We aren’t going to be out in public loads… are we? The people keep staring at me… its unnerving.”

  Agaroth: “Ah, get used tae it, ya miserable cunt. Ya famous, everyone’s just shocked to see a celebrity in tha midst.”

  Chloe: “People just aren’t used to seeing you yet. The novelty will wear off.”

  Agaroth: “But not before we’ve milked as much as we can from the situation, eh…”

  Agaroth winked at me and started making a money gesture with his hands. Followed by some other lewd gestures that I am guessing were probably sex related… however, I can’t be sure as my sexual experience is still incredibly limited.

  Chloe: “Well, nothing wrong with taking advantage of the situation… a bit. Just don’t take the piss. You don’t want to destroy the reputation you’ve just built.

  The tailor finished with Tadwick and Tadwick rushed over… smiling and happy like always. He really has been very happy recently. He’s always been quite an optimistic little boy… but he used to have moments of looking really quite sad… even behind the smile. But… with the exception of when he had his shoulders torn open… he has been nothing but happy the last few weeks. It’s really quite heartening to have him around.

  Tailor: “I definitely have a suit in mind that will be perfect for this young man. I will just need to make some modification. I have to say… I rarely have to modify the inside leg for boys his age… he is certainly a blessed young man.”

  Tadwick: “What does that mean?”

  Agaroth: “It means you’re gonna be reet popular when you’re older, kid.”

  Tadwick: “Huh?”

  Chloe: “He just needs to alter the trousers of the suit to give you a bit more room, so that they ain’t tight.”

  Tadwick: “Oh, cool.”

  For fuck’s sake… is this entire day just an excuse to make me feel inferior to a fucking four-year-old?

  Tailor: “Who would like to go next?”

  Agaroth: “Fuck it, may as well get it over with.”

  Agaroth walked off with the tailor to be measured. He looked like he really hated being faffed and fiddled with. He wore a look of irritation like a badge the entire time.

  Dwynfel: “Chloe… you never answered my question. What are we doing after this?”

  Chloe: “Well, later on today I’m taking you two to meet my guys.”

  Dwynfel: “Your guys?”

  Chloe: “I’m the head of a unit of knights now. Got my own squad. It’s me and four other guys. Thought I’d introduce you to ‘em.”

  Well, that should at least be interesting. I wonder what they’ll be like. All I can picture right now is a bunch of blokes who behave exactly like Chloe.

  Tadwick: “We’re gonna meet a bunch of knights?”

  Chloe: “Yup.”

  Tadwick: “Yay, I bet they’s all cool… like… do they have big swords like yours?”

  Chloe: “None of them have a sword like mine. I’m the only badass with a great sword round here. You’ve already met one of them, actually. Lucas is one of mine. Bit of a toff, but don’t let that put ya off. He’s a sound guy.”

  Tadwick: “Yay! This is totally gonna be the best day ever!”

  Chloe: “Just wait until the party tomorrow, kid.”

  Agaroth came bounding back over. He stretched his back and shook his legs.

  Agaroth: “Ack, I hate all this fannyin’ about. I know what size I am. Can I not just buy something maself?”

  Chloe: “Suck it up, you’ve been measured now.”

  Tailor: “Mr. Dwynfel, I believe it is your turn. I am unaccustomed with goblins I’m afraid. Is there anything I should know about before we get started?”

  Dwynfel: “Such as?”

  Tailor: “Any particularly sensitive areas that will need to be loose?”

  Never really thought about that. Having never felt what it’s like to have a human body, I don’t know if there are any parts of me that are more or less sensitive than a human body.

  Dwynfel: “Not that I’m aware of.”

  Tailor: “Any appendages that humans lack… such as a tail?”

  Dwynfel: “Nope… we are basically just small hairless green humans.”

  Agaroth: “Wi’ pointy ears and big noses.”

  Dwynfel: “I don’t think that is relevant to a suit fitting.”

  Tailor: “Excellent, then a boy’s suit should fit you nicely.”

  Dwynfel: “Hang on… before you start measuring. Chloe?”

  Chloe: “Yeah?”

  Dwynfel: “What else are we doing?”

  Chloe: “I thought you’d want to go and see Tilda.”