Phoenix looked incredibly unimpressed with Agaroth’s little tale.

  Phoenix: “And that was a totally factual rendition of events, was it?”

  Agaroth: “Aye.”

  Phoenix: “Some hoity toity cunts showed up?”

  Agaroth: “Well, that’s exactly what they was.”

  Phoenix: “And I have a harem of lizardmen?”

  Agaroth: “I may have paraphrased a wee bit. You’re missin’ the point here. I’ve been lookin’ for you cunts all over the fuckin’ place, an’ I needn’t have fuckin’ bothered. I should a just pitched up here wi’ his ma, like that ponce Lucas.”

  Tadwick: “What’s a cunt?”

  Phoenix: “Another word for vagina.”

  Tadwick: “What’s a bajina?”

  Kiyui: “I’ll explain later, honey.”

  Agaroth: “So, would some cunt please explain tae me where the fuck you’ve been all this fuckin’ time?”

  We gave a brief summed up version to Agaroth. Having just spent ages explaining it to my mum, none of us could be bothered to go through all the details again.

  Agaroth: “Well fuck, sounds like you’ve had a shite time. Good thing you ended up with these two, mind. You’d a been well fucked without them.”

  Dwynfel: “That’s certainly true. We owe them our lives. Flora too, actually. Without all three of them, we wouldn’t be here now.”

  Agaroth: “That’s nice n’ all, but maybe keep ‘em out tae the town for now, eh. Don’t wannae go scarin’ folk off when they’ve only just started likin’ you. You know some crazy bint of a noble’s been going around trying to convince people to start diplomatic relations wi’ the goblins now, all because of you. Not Kathryn, obviously. She likes you, but she’s fuckin’ scarred for life after what she went through in there. She wants the rest of ‘em dead more than most. But this other lassie, she thinks we can reform all of ‘em… fuckin’ nutter.”

  Oh gods… that is the last thing that I wanted. People cannot start seeing goblins as misunderstood creatures who just need a bit of diplomacy to live in peace and harmony.

  Dwynfel: “Please tell me you aren’t serious. Anyone who tries to be diplomatic with a nest will end up dead… or worse, if they’re female.”

  Agaroth: “That’s exactly what I said. But ya know these posh cunts, always think they know best.”

  Dwynfel: “For fuck’s sake. May I ask… about Tilda… where is she buried? I’d like to pay my respects.”

  Agaroth: “I’ll let Chloe show you. She’s been hoping you’d return. I’m sure she’ll be round soon to see you.”

  Dwynfel: “I’d like to see her too.”

  Agaroth: “Right, well, anyway. It’s gettin’ late, an’ I bet you lot are well fucked from that trip. So, I’ll be on my way.”

  As he went to leave Phoenix stood up.

  Phoenix: “I assume that somebody with a knighthood probably came her with transport.”

  Agaroth: “Aye, got myself a horse these days ya know.”

  Phoenix: “In which case, you can transport me into town. I must return to my home.”

  Agaroth: “Oh aye, I could take ya right to your front door if ya feelin’ shattered.”

  Phoenix: “Near the guild will suffice.”

  We said our goodbyes and they left. Then Damecus and Nomius went out to prepare the barn for the evening, while my mum showed Flora to her room. She then gave Tadwick a little tour of the house. He was dead excited, bless him.

  Once that was all out of the way, Tadwick and Kiyui went to bed and I went to my room. It is still not particularly warm. And in the absence of Kiyui being pressed against me, it was definitely nightshirt weather.

  My mother appeared in my doorway.

  Indira: “You know, you don’t have to sleep in separate rooms.”

  Dwynfel: “Huh?”

  Indira: “You and Kiyui. I’m sure that Tadwick will settle in a few days and you two can share this room. I can have a bigger bed made for you.”

  Dwynfel: “Is this because of that rumour that Agaroth mentioned?”

  Indira: “Come now, Dwyn. I could see it before you even left.”

  Dwynfel: “I don’t even know what is happening with us, Mum. I need time to talk to him and work things out.”

  Indira: “Ok, dear. But just know, we don’t stand on ceremony in this house. I’m not going to demand you two get married before you share a room.”

  Dwynfel: “For the love of the gods, Mum.”

  Indira: “What?”

  Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

  She looked at me and started smiling… she then laughed slightly.

  Dwynfel: “Oh… nothing… I’m just tired.”

  Indira: “Alright then. Goodnight, Dwyn.”

  Dwynfel: “Goodnight, mum.”

  It is incredibly weird sleeping in my room again. It has been over two months since I was in this bed… surrounded by these walls… seeing all the books that I spent my childhood reading… Bergie sitting on my nightstand. The marks on the window frames that the nails left when they were removed… the little curtains that my mum made for me. I should be comforted by being back here. But I just feel lonely.

  I’ve been sleeping with other people every night since we left. Sharing a tent… cuddling… staying warm. Well, overheating in those bloody sweaty marshlands. It feels wrong being alone. I miss Kiyui… I even miss Tadwick… despite him constantly waking us up because he needs a wee. Urgh… I’m finding it difficult to get to sleep without them.

  By the time morning had arrived, I had managed maybe an hour of sleep… I really need to sort my head out. I didn’t have much time to dwell on things however… halfway through breakfast Chloe showed up outside. She had very polished armour that shined incredibly brightly in the sun. And a pure white cape with the sigil of Kataravonia embossed on it. She looked absolutely resplendent.

  Kiyui and I went outside to say hello to her. After tying up her horse she ran straight over to me and slapped me on the back.

  Chloe: “Bout time you got your arse back here, shorty. Lotsa people’ve been waiting for you!”

  Dwynfel: “What do you mean… lots of people?”

  Chloe: “The whole town is buzzing about the goblin that saved the duke’s daughter. I’ve come here to formally invite you to a ball in your honour tomorrow.”

  Dwynfel: “A ball? What?”

  Chloe: “Oh yeah, proper ball, fancy gowns, massive cake, tower of wine glasses, ya know. All that shit.”

  That sounds incredibly extravagant and unnecessary.

  Dwynfel: “I can’t go to that… are you insane?”

  Chloe: “Oh don’t be such a pussy. Everybody knows about you now. With the exception of a few, nobody cares. If anything, the fact that you’re a goblin seems to be attracting more people to the situation. Although, you might want to avoid some of those. Not right in the head some of them.”

  Kiyui: “A ball sounds like fun. Go on, Dwyn. People are finally respecting you. You have to go.”

  Chloe: “It ain’t just him, kid. You’re invited too, and the little ginge. Where is he by the way?”

  That’s a good point. I keep losing track of him here. I think it’s all the excitement… he’s running about all over the place.

  Kiyui: “He’s playing with Nomius in the barn.”

  Chloe: “Nomius one of your lizard friends?”

  Dwynfel: “He’s the red one. The green one is Damecus.”

  Chloe: “I’m afraid they don’t have invites…

  She cast her eyes across the farm before squinting as if trying to make something out.

  Chloe: “…neither does the weird thing standing in the middle of your vegetable patch.”

  Kiyui: “Aww, that’s a shame. Imagine the fun we could have getting Damecus into a tailcoat.”

  Dwynfel: “A what?”

  Chloe: “Yeah, you’re gonna need to some proper clothes, mate.”

  Dwynfel: “This sounds like a lot of effort.”

  Kiyui: “Oh, it is going to be so much fun. Hang on, is tomorrow not a bit short notice for a ball? Don’t they normally take a lot of organising?”

  Chloe: “Lady Katheryn’s had the whole thing on standby for weeks. She’s been really eager to show you off to everyone.”

  I feel like I am going to seriously regret this entire situation. Are people forgetting the psychotic demon that lives around here that is hunting Tadwick down?

  Chloe: “Spoke to Phoenix this morning. Says she’ll meet you at this address, Kiyui. It seems you two have a clothes shopping date.”

  Chloe handed Kiyui a note with an address on. I didn’t have time to read it… Kiyui swiped it away with a twinkle in his eye.

  Kiyui: “Oh Gaia, no way, this is so exciting! I need to go get my boots on. I don’t want to be late. This is going to be so much fun, Dwyn, you’ll see.”

  Chloe: “She also said that you can stay the night at her place. Its bad luck for your date to see you in your new outfit before the ball, apparently.”

  Kiyui looked at me with a cheeky smirk on his face.

  Kiyui: “Guess that makes you my date then.”

  He stuck out his tongue and winked at me before bounding off to the house and clapping his hands excitedly. He really is cute when he’s excited. I love seeing him happy like this. LIKE… I like seeing him happy like this. Let’s just calm ourselves down a bit here.

  Kiyui looked back over his shoulders just before he entered the house and shouted.

  Kiyui: “Look after Tadwick for me!”

  Chloe: “And you, short arse, you’re with me. So go get Tadwick. We’re meeting Agaroth in two hours at a tailor to get you lot some decent dinner suits. Then I have some things to show you.”