Last night, just before we got into the carriage, Chloe told me that I should go to the adventurers’ guild and re-register as an adventurer… since obviously, my old adventuring credentials were revoked. So, I decided that I would go and do that today… on my own. There is plenty of time before we need to get ready for this ball. More than enough time for me to walk to town and back. I want to see how people react to me when I don’t have a human escort.

  I left Tadwick to play about with Nomius on the farm while I was gone. They are under strict instructions not to mess up Tadwick’s hair before tonight. That Lucas guy spent ages sorting it out yesterday. He must have been at it at least an hour. He even had some mage creating miniature gusts of hot air in order to dry it.

  I do have to say… he does look a lot better. The hair seems thinner… it doesn’t consume his head anymore. I have no idea how he tamed all that frizziness after Tadwick jumped in the baths. Then again… Lucas has such glamourous hair himself, he probably has a lot of practice with this sort of thing.

  I walked past Lucas on my way to town actually. Said he promised to help my mother with the cattle today. Which is nice of him. I rather assumed that once I was back, and his duty was fulfilled, he wouldn’t go back to the farm unless ordered to. I guess Chloe was right when she said he was a nice bloke.

  When I arrived in town, the people reacted a bit more like how I was expecting. Most avoided me… many stared at me… some hid from me… and a few looked rather threatening. This will probably seem weird, but I’m actually glad… the last thing I want is people thinking that goblins are safe. They should be scared of me… they don’t know me… all they know is that one goblin has helped out the duke’s daughter… and I can bet you that they can’t tell one goblin from another. I imagine the only reason that I haven’t been assaulted yet is because if any of them beat me to death, there would probably be consequences from Lady Katheryn.

  The adventurers’ guild hasn’t changed in my absence. I mean, I have only been gone for a couple of months… I should probably stop expecting everything to be massively different. But given how my house seemed to grow an extra story while I was away, I suppose I’m just expecting everywhere to have a similar transformation.

  And I’ll tell you this… the doors are still bloody heavy. I purposely left a little later in the morning to avoid the new quest rush that happens first thing. The reception is pretty dead now… thankfully. There were a few people dotted about… all of which were staring at me. I wish I still had my cowl. I asked Chloe if she saw it after we teleported but she said it wasn’t there. It must have ended up in the glyph and got teleported somewhere in the wastelands that we landed in. Not that it would make much difference in the guild… they’d all know who I was, even with the cowl.

  I was surprised to discover that my step was still at the side of the reception desk. I climbed onto it and was instantly greeted by a large puff of cigar smoke. I tried not to cough but I couldn’t stop myself. When the smoke cleared, I opened my eyes again to see Vanessa… her eye shadow was as over the top as I remembered… and yup… still smoking a massive cigar.

  She glared and me… suddenly I felt incredibly nervous again… like I did that first day that I signed up here all those years ago. She took a large drag of her cigar before picking up some papers and placing them on the desk in front of me.

  Vanessa: “That Chloe said you’d be comin’ round. Fill those in… properly this time.”

  Dwynfel: “Yes, ma’am.”

  Vanessa: “Don’t you fuckin’ yes ma’am me. D’you have any idea the amount of paperwork I had to do because of you. I had to write to all of the other guilds and tell them you’d been decertified, just in case you showed up in one of ‘em. Lyin’ about your age… fuck’s sake.”

  Dwynfel: “Sorry to have caused you such inconvenience… hang on… my age was the problem?”

  Vanessa took another large drag of her cigar… glaring at me the entire time. She blew the smoke out in my direction.

  If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  Vanessa: “Ain’t no rules about lettin’ different species join. Rules about age are there for a reason, ya little shit. Can’t go havin’ fuckin’ ten-year-olds wandering about, thinking they’s adventurers. They’ll get fuckin’ killed.”

  Dwynfel: “I am really sorry. But technically, goblins age faster, so I was actually…”

  Vanessa: “Don’t fuckin’ start that shit wi’ me boy. You were ten, its fuckin’ illegal. I could have been struck off for signing up a 10-year-old.”

  At that moment the door swung open behind me. I smelt a familiar smell enter the room behind me. The smell of shaving cream and garlic. I decided it would be best to fill the forms in where I was, rather than walking across to a table and drawing attention to myself. Unfortunately, he noticed me almost instantly… I suppose nobody else uses this step… he was bound to notice me eventually.

  Asmodeus: “The goblin returns.”

  Shit… even Vanessa stopped talking when he entered. What am I going to do? Maybe he’s calmed down about the whole thing… everybody else seems to be adjusting to the whole goblin thing. I turned around on my step to address him. He was still wearing his helmet… he never used to wear his helmet in places like this… why is he wearing it?

  Dwynfel: “Umm… hello, Asmodeus.”

  Asmodeus: “For what reason have you returned to this place?”

  Dwynfel: “I needed to re-register as an adventurer… I was de-certified.”

  Asmodeus: “For being a vile creature of darkness?”

  Dwynfel: “For lying about my age… apparently.”

  Asmodeus: “What a sorry state of affairs this is. It is discovered that we have a goblin in our midst and he is de-certified for being… underage. Never mind de-certified, you should be hanged.”

  Yeah… he isn’t over it.

  Dwynfel: “I understand that my actions upset you...”

  Asmodeus: “Oh, you haven’t upset me, goblin. You have reminded me that I must remain vigilant. The people of this town are entirely too trusting. You help save one noble and suddenly everyone thinks you a hero. I know the truth. I may not be aware of your exact plan, but as soon as you make a move, goblin. I will be here to destroy you.”

  Vanessa: “Oi, rich boy! Helmet off inside! You weren’t raised anywhere near a fuckin’ barn! You should know better!”

  Asmodeus: “I shall not be removing my helmet.”

  Asmodeus suddenly turned around and drew his sword. In an instant it was at my neck.

  Asmodeus: “I need to be prepared for combat at all times. We have evil within our midst and I cannot afford to be injured by this heinous beast striking me in the head whilst I am distracted.”

  Dwynfel: “I can assure you; I have no intension of…”

  Asmodeus: “Silence! Waste your lies on somebody else, goblin. I know you have some form of devilry planned. Alas, you have powerful allies at current. When your little mask slips and they see you for what you are. Then… then I will strike you down. And the whole town will thank me for it.”

  He put his sword away and began to walk away.

  Vanessa: “Oi! That’ll be one silver for drawing your sword in my fuckin’ guild!”

  Without saying a word, Asmodeus turned, flung a piece of silver on the desk, then walked off to check the quest board. Vanessa turned to me and blew a load of smoke in my direction again.

  Vanessa: “Not everyone is as forgiving as me, it would seem.”

  Dwynfel: “Umm… Vanessa… thank you for not throwing out my step.”

  Vanessa: “Don’t go thinking I kept that around for you. I just couldn’t be arsed to move it.”

  Vanessa moved away from me to go back to her paperwork. As she did, I could swear she smirked a little. I couldn’t completely tell because she was kind of sideways on… but I’m sure she did. I think that I’ve grown on her over the last five years.

  I filled out the forms that she gave me and decided it would probably be best to get back to the farm as quickly as possible. Asmodeus would probably have killed me if it wouldn’t cause problems with Lady Katheryn. All it would take would be for one random villager to not know of Lady Katheryn’s interest in me and I could end up being attacked. I think from now on it would probably be best to only go into town with other people… just in case.

  When I got back home, Damecus was making some alterations to the barn. Nomius was running around with Tadwick on his back, chasing the pigs. And Flora was just standing in the middle of the vegetable patch again. I know that she helps the vegetable grow and all… but I still find it oddly unsettling when she does this.

  I was just about to enter the house when I heard some loud banging from inside. After what happened in town, I was quite jumpy, so I instantly rushed into the house to find out what the noise was and… fuck… nope… no… not dealing with this… nope. I need to leave right now… just no!