Evan POV
Everyone wished me good luck as I headed back inside, making my way toward the guy who had written my name in the checklist. Not hard to find—he was literally just standing there waiting for me.
Nearby, the referee from Ilta’s match stood beside another guy—this one dressed in blue robes, looking about forty, with the kind of face that said, I’ve seen some things.
Is that the guy I’m fighting?
The checklist guy glanced up at me. “Ah, you’re… Madam Aisha’s friend.”
Ah, yes. My amazing alibi at work.
He checked his list and continued. “Your opponent is Fodel Oxborn. Just to clarify, you’re starting your ranking from the bottom and aiming for Professional Grandmaster?”
“Yep, that’s correct.” I replied like it was no big deal.
He hesitated, clearly debating something. “Alright… but I should warn you—Mr. Fodel is two ranks higher than you. We couldn’t find an opponent at your current rank fast enough, and Ms. Aisha told us to speed things up. If you’re not confident, you can wait for someone closer to your level.”
I shrugged. “Meh, I don’t mind. I’ll still do the match.”
The checklist guy nodded as my opponent, Fodel, stepped up beside me.
“Hey,” Fodel said, giving me a calm nod. “Win or lose, no hard feelings.”
Huh. Seems like a decent guy.
“Same to you,” I replied, nodding back.
Then the checklist guy turned to Fodel. “Just so you’re aware, Mr. Fodel, since you’re fighting someone way below your rank, if you lose, you’ll drop two ranks.”
Fodel waved a hand dismissively, his voice dripping with arrogance. “Yeah, yeah, I know. But come on—how could I possibly lose to some kid who doesn’t even have a rank?!”
He threw his head back and laughed like his victory was already set in stone.
…Yeah. I take back every nice thing I ever thought about this guy. By the time I’m done, his own mother won’t recognize him.
Still grinning, Fodel basked in his imaginary win while the referee cleared his throat. “If you two are ready, let’s get started. People are waiting.”
“Oh, yeah—before that. When the match starts, are you going to announce our names to the whole audience?”
I needed to hear it.
“Of course, it’s mandatory,” the referee replied. “What’s your name, by the way—”
He turned to the checklist guy, who immediately turned red and, without a word, flipped the list around to show him.
I watched the referee’s expression shift from neutral… to confused… to sheer horror. His face went pale as he slowly turned to look at me, eyes filled with fear.
“There is absolutely no way I can say that! Even if it’s your alibi!”
I didn’t hesitate. “I’ll tell Aisha if you don’t.”
Both of them visibly struggled, their souls in turmoil as I stood there, grinning like a villain watching his plan unfold.
“But… but the King and Queen are present!” the referee protested.
Can’t tell you how much I do not care.
“Don’t care.”
The referee finally slumped in defeat, glancing one last time at checklist guy, silently begging for salvation. But there was none.
“…Fine,” he muttered.
Victory.
Curious, Fodel tilted his head. “It… it can’t be that bad, can it?”
Both referees immediately turned and glared at him with pure hostility.
…Oh, this was going to be so good.
With that out of the way, Fodel and I followed the referee through the metallic gates while checklist guy stayed behind—probably rethinking his life choices.
As soon as we stepped through, the stadium opened up before us. A massive, circular battlefield stretched out in the center, surrounded by an absurdly large crowd. If someone told me this was just a fancy car park repurposed for battles, I’d believe them. The only difference? It was round instead of square.
Scanning the audience, I quickly spotted Hope and Faith in the stands, their tiny hands flailing like they were trying to flag down an airplane. I waved back before something else caught my eye in the VIP lounge.
Wait a second… is that Daisy?
Yep. That was definitely Daisy—the Queen of the kingdom near my house whose name I still hadn’t bothered to remember. The only reason I recognized her was the signature twin-tailed pink hair and the familiar crown perched on her head.
She wasn’t alone. Three other people sat with her, all sporting the same royal pink hair.
I guess pink hair just means royalty here.
The two sitting beside her? Definitely her parents—her dad’s hair had streaks of white, and her mom had that motherly aura on her, the type of refined demeanor from which you’d instantly recognize her to be a mother. The fourth person? Had to be Daisy’s big sister. She had a massive forehead.
Hmmm… can I troll Daisy from here?
It took me exactly one second to come up with a plan. Another to set it in motion.
I quickly started waving at Daisy.
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
She noticed, blinked in surprise, then smiled and waved back.
Trap set.
It was a harmless little prank, but now everyone in the coliseum had seen the Queen personally acknowledge me. And in just a few moments, when the referee calls out my name…
…Hehehe. My genius even terrifies me sometimes.
The atmosphere in the coliseum shifted. I could hear the whispers spreading through the crowd. People were confused. Why does the Queen know this random guy?
Perfect.
Completely unaware of the chaos about to unfold, Faith and Hope were still furiously waving their tiny hands. I waved back. Priorities.
Meanwhile, Fodel and I walked to the center of the stadium, where the referee stood between us. He tried to maintain a smile, but even he was struggling—because he knew what was coming.
Taking a deep breath, he started speaking loudly, his voice carrying across the coliseum.
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the sixth match of the day! As you all know, the Wizard Rankings will continue over the next few days until all contestants are satisfied with their placements! After that, another Wizard Rankings Tournament will be held in three months!”
I couldn’t tell if he was stalling so he wouldn’t have to say my name, or if this was just protocol.
“Now, let’s give a round of applause to our beloved King and Queen, whose generosity allows us to host these tournaments regularly! Thanks to them, aspiring wizards and witches have the chance to prove their abilities before the world!”
The crowd erupted into cheers as the King stood and gave a dignified wave before sitting back down.
The referee nodded and pressed on. “Now, in this match, on my left—Fodel Oxborn! Hailing from the esteemed Oxborn family, known for their mastery of water magic, and ranked as a Beginner Master!”
Another round of applause followed. But the referee’s expression? Tanked.
Because now, he had to introduce me.
He inhaled. Exhaled. Inhaled again.
“…And on my right.” He hesitated. The entire coliseum leaned in, eager to hear the name of the mysterious person that even Hero Madam Aisha seemed to respect.
“…A man who appeared out of nowhere. With no known background. No rank. And yet… recognized by some of the most influential figures here today.”
The crowd murmured. Suspense filled the air.
The referee took one last breath—then risked it all.
“His name is… ugh… Big Dick Richard.”
Silence.
Not just any silence.
The silence.
The kind that made it sound like the entire universe had paused just to process what had just been said.
The referee didn’t even dare to look up. He just stared at the ground, probably re-evaluating his life choices.
The crowd? Dead quiet.
I glanced over at Daisy—who was hiding under her chair.
The King and Queen?
They just stared at me.
…Yeah. This was officially the greatest moment of my life.
The only one not silent was Aisha, who immediately burst into loud, uncontrollable laughter.
“PFFT—HAHAHAHA!”
Meanwhile, Faith and Hope just looked deeply confused.
Luna, Tifa, and the rest? They barely reacted. Just sighed and gave me their usual "Why are we even surprised anymore?" look.
From the VIP booth, Aisha cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, “Go get ‘em, Tiger!”
I had wanted my alibi to be worse, but considering this was a world without modern humor, I had to work within my limits. These people would definitely fall for a Ligma joke. And let’s be real—if I was going to make a joke out of a name, subtlety was not an option.
{Author’s Note: In this world of Terraria.}
Then, unexpectedly—Fodel started laughing too.
Like, full-on, losing-his-shit laughing.
It took him a few moments to wipe away a tear before he finally managed to speak. “Oh, man! I was thinking about going easy on you, but this is ridiculous. Didn’t realize you were retarded as well!” He cracked his knuckles. “Oh well, let’s just say this is gonna be a good match… for me.”
The referee, cheeks still flushed from crippling secondhand embarrassment, finally raised his voice.
“READY UP!”
He walked over, shoving a small wooden idol into both of our hands before immediately stepping back like he wanted nothing to do with this anymore.
I Even got a buff so I looked at it and…
Happy Idol:
Life: 100/100
Tooltip: All damage received will be transferred to the holder of a “Doomed Idol.” When Life reaches 0, the person holding the Doomed Idol will die.
“A twisted abomination made through the use of forbidden magic and the sacrifice of human souls.”
…OI. HOLD THE FUCK UP.
THE WHAT NOW???
I immediately turned to Aisha—who just nodded at me like this was totally normal.
“BEGIN!!”
I didn’t even have a second to process the existential horror of what was happening before the referee bolted out of the stadium like his life depended on it.
Damn! I wanted to try out my 200+ skills, but first, I had to make sure this guy didn’t take more than 100 damage.
Fodel suddenly pointed a wand at me—where the hell did that come from? I had been so focused on the idol that I didn’t even notice him pulling it out.
Regardless, all my passives were active, so at the very least, I knew what he was trying to do.
“Shallow Geyser!” he yelled, his wand aimed directly at me.
A small magic circle formed beneath my feet.
I looked down at it.
Then back at him.
Then casually strolled three steps to the side—like I was just admiring the scenery.
A sharp jet of water barely missed me, shooting up from where I had just been standing.
Huh. For a second, I thought he was an idiot—until I saw him already casting another spell.
Ah. A feint.
Smart.
But unfortunately for him, it was my turn.
Time to get back on my bullshit.
I formed a finger gun with my right hand, placing my left hand over it like a cowboy fanning a revolver.
A tiny Mana Ball flickered to life at my fingertip.
I imbued 50 MP into it.
Gave it the shockwave attribute—no lethal damage, just some solid knockback.
And then…
"American Style, 1st Form—A Flippin’ 9 Millimetre! Poof."
I flicked my finger.
The mana bullet snapped forward, straight into Fodel’s chest.
“Pressur—OOF.”
He didn’t even finish casting his spell before his entire body bent into a < shape and got launched backward like a cannonball.
He slammed full force into the concrete wall with a deafening BANG, leaving a very concerning crack.
Above his head, a bright red -38 flickered into existence—
—Right before he flopped forward, completely unconscious.
Silence.
The entire coliseum stood there, stunned.
Everyone was dumbstruck.
…Except Aisha.
She just smirked.
Like she knew this was going to happen.
Normally, this would be prime boasting time, but there were more pressing matters to deal with.
I glanced at Aisha.
She already knew. She gave me a nod and immediately started messaging me.
Aisha: Don’t worry, I’m already looking for the perpetrator.
Evan: Did you tell the King?
Aisha: Didn’t have the balls for it.
Evan: Oh, didn’t have the balls for it—I get it now. Anyway, we’ll talk after I’m free.
Walter: What are you guys talking about?
Aisha: Don’t worry about it. We’ll tell you some other time.
Meanwhile, the crowd still looked completely bewildered by what just happened.
Time for some first-class acting.
I casually lifted my finger gun to my lips and blew on it like a cowboy after a perfect shot.
“The fastest magician in the Wild West.”
The applause started slow—confused, hesitant—but quickly grew.
I took a theatrical bow, even giving the King and Queen a respectful nod.
The King looked intrigued.
Daisy?
Still desperately trying to hide under the table, but her tiny crown peeked over the seat, giving away her position.
The referee finally stumbled back into the arena and cleared his throat.
“By default, since Fodel has left the arena, he is disqualified from the match! And because he was fighting an unranked opponent… he loses two ranks, dropping all the way down to Intermediate Apprentice!”
Yikes.
Still unconscious, Fodel was promptly escorted out by a couple of guards.
The referee straightened his back, visibly struggling before speaking again. “Alright, folks! I hope you enjoyed the match of our new contestant, Mr.—I mean, uh, for this round!”
…Yeah. He was definitely doing everything in his power to avoid saying my name.
Didn’t matter. I had a break now—enough time to investigate whatever the hell was going on in this coliseum and figure out how to revive Walter.
“Now then!” The referee raised his hand. “A round of applause for our contestant before we move on to our next match—”
He gestured toward the exit.
Leisurely, I turned and strolled away, waving at the crowd, blowing dramatic kisses like I was some kind of beloved celebrity.
And then, as I stepped outside the arena, my expression darkened.
Alright.
What kind of twisted experiments are actually happening in this coliseum?
Heya, bois! I'm back! Did you miss me? :D
I've been super busy with a ton of things, so I haven’t been able to write as much as I’d like. But when I did find the time, I wanted to focus on some of my other stories that have been collecting dust. And, to be honest, there wasn’t much of an incentive for me to keep going since I’m doing all of this for free.
Which got me thinking... should I start a Patreon? At the very least, it would give me some motivation to keep writing. I actually made an account, but I have no idea how it works yet—so stay tuned while I figure it out!
Also, I’m adjusting my release schedule to 2-3 chapters per week. This way, I’ll have enough time to write at a comfortable pace and focus on quality over quantity.
Oh! And if you’ve got some free time, why not check out my latest story? I promise it’s just as good—if not better—than this one!
Lastly, there’s a lot more I want to say, but if you ever want to chat, share ideas, voice concerns, just hang out, play games with everyone (Including me if I get some free time >.< ) feel free to join me on Discord! Looking forward to seeing you there!
https://discord.gg/4259ynNNud
Did you guys miss me?
