Evan POV

  Aisha: So… what do we do now?

  Aisha’s private message popped up as I leaned back in the VIP lounge. Hope sat comfortably on my lap while I absentmindedly ran a hand through her hair. To my right, Faith was perched on Aisha’s lap, looking completely content.

  Luna, on the other hand, was sitting beside me—not watching the battle in the arena. Instead, she was watching me.

  Like, full-on observing.

  I could feel the stare. But I feel like I’d lose if I looked back.

  Evan: You tell me. You had to have some kind of plan, right? At least a little research about this idol thingy?

  Aisha: Hehe~ You’re overestimating my power.

  Evan: …Please don’t tell me you’ve done absolutely nothing and just hoped someone else would fix this mess for you.

  Aisha: Eto… Bleh. :P

  I turned to her. She immediately pulled a dumb, cutesy face—both hands on her head, tongue sticking out.

  I stared.

  Evan: …Hey, there was this game they played in the ‘50s. It’s called BEATING MY WIFE.

  Aisha: I’M NOT YOUR WIFE! I’M JUST YOUR KIDS’ MOTHER!

  Evan: HOW THE FUQ DOES THAT EVEN WORK!?

  We locked eyes.

  Silence.

  Then both of us started chuckling.

  Evan: I’m going to blame the deaths of innocents on you.

  Aisha: OI!

  “…What are you two laughing about?”

  Luna’s voice cut in immediately. Apparently, just like us, she also couldn’t care less about the mage battle.

  But instead of waiting for an answer, she suddenly shot to her feet, pointing at me like she had just uncovered a grand conspiracy.

  “I WAS RIGHT! YOU TWO ARE F-FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER!”

  Aisha seized the opportunity.

  “Fufu~ That’s right, Luna! It’s completely normal for a father and mother to flirt with each other!”

  I turned to her with betrayal in my eyes.

  "Please don’t throw my sister into this," I begged.

  It was already too late.

  The oil had been thrown.

  The beacons had been lit.

  Gondor calls for aid.

  And Aisha? She wasn’t just fanning the flames—she was strategically avoiding them by refusing to call herself the wife.

  I hate how good she is at this.

  Luna’s eyes narrowed as she glared at Aisha like a demon about to smite its target.

  “You… You don’t know a thing about Evan! I’ve been with him since the start! And you think you can just waltz in here—”

  She kept going. And going.

  Yep. That was my cue to exit.

  Listen, I could take on any Terraria boss you threw at me. Moon Lord? No problem. Duke Fishron? Been there. But a full-on battle between two women?

  Nope. That’s a different kind of final boss.

  “Alright, ladies, you do… uh, ladies stuff. I’m gonna go rescue some people.”

  Without waiting for a response, I scooped up Hope from my lap and plopped her onto Luna’s. Both of them blinked at me, confused—

  And I ran.

  “EVAN!—”

  Luna’s voice echoed behind me.

  I yelled back, “NOPE.”

  And just like that, I was gone.

  Step one of my master plan: find the only person I trust in this place.

  Daisy.

  Everyone was distracted by the ongoing match, which worked in my favor. I grappled my way up toward the King and Queen’s seating area—silent as a shadow, subtle as a ghost.

  Then I popped my head up.

  “DAISY!”

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  She screamed.

  Like, actual terror. As if I had just crawled out of the underworld itself.

  “-stop screaming, Okay, so people are dyi—”

  I didn’t even finish.

  Time slowed as my reflex passive activated.

  Two blades lunged toward me.

  My body moved on instinct, raising my invisible shield just in time to parry both attacks.

  The two attackers—clad in full ninja gear—stared at me, confused. Then they looked at each other. Then back at me.

  Then they pointed their platinum swords at my face.

  My right hand was holding the grappeling hook latched on the wall so I couldn’t exactly fight back.

  “…Hey! What gives? I’m a friend! Didn’t you see me fighting that other dude earlier?” I asked, genuinely offended by this blatant lack of recognition.

  “EVAN!?” Daisy finally managed, still clutching her chest like she had barely survived a heart attack.

  The other VIPs fared better, but they were looking at me with curiosity rather than outright hostility.

  Which was my cue.

  I grinned like an absolute menace.

  “Evan? Who’s Evan? I’m—” I threw my arms out dramatically. “BIG DICK RICHARD!”

  The ego? Massive.

  The smile? Bigger.

  The reaction?

  Priceless.

  Daisy looked me dead in the eye and said, “I’m not going to talk to you if you act that way.”

  Pfft! You think you can CONTROL ME!? BIG DICK RICHARD!?

  I straightened my posture, arms wide. “Daisy! I come bearing grave news! News so important that even you wou—Hey! Stop that!”

  She had plugged her ears with her fingers and was staring at me.

  “I can only hear things from Evan,” she said flatly. “Not the person who insulted me and embarrassed me in front of my parents and their subjects.”

  Oh… She was holding a grudge.

  We locked eyes.

  A showdown.

  Neither of us blinked. Neither of us flinched. Two gunslingers at high noon, but instead of revolvers, it was pure stubbornness.

  Fine. She wanted to play hardball?

  SHE GOT HARDBALL!

  “People are dying because of these fights.”

  She didn’t move. Didn’t even react. If anything, she just stared harder.

  That was fine. She could pretend not to hear me all she wanted—because I knew the King and Queen definitely could.

  “The Happy Idols given to the contestants are linked to another idol held by someone else. The damage the contestant receives is transferred to the other person. When the idol breaks, that person dies.”

  The moment I said it, I heard the concerned whispers from the King and Queen.

  But I couldn’t turn to see their faces.

  Because I was still locked in battle with Daisy.

  A few tense moments passed.

  Finally, she sighed, pulled her hands from her ears, and crossed her arms.

  “…Get inside the booth first.”

  “YES! BIG DICK RICHARD NEVER LOSES!” I fist-pumped in victory.

  “AND GET RID OF THAT STUPID NICKNAME ALREADY!” Daisy yelled.

  “OVER MY DEAD BODY!”

  Inside the booth, the King leaned forward, arms resting on his throne.

  “Hmm… So, you’re saying someone is actively using these idols to kill?” His tone was more curious than concerned.

  Oh, this guy definitely knows something.

  But that wasn’t my mission. Right now, my job was just to tell Daisy.

  Two ninjas stood between us and the royal family—the King, Queen, Daisy, and…

  …The other princess with the gigantic forehead.

  …It was actually kinda hard not to stare at it.

  So smooth. So shiny.

  …

  …Oh shit, where was I? Oh yea.

  “Yep. I noticed it as soon as they gave me the idol,” I said, leaning back. “Talked it over with Aisha, and we both came to the same conclusion—yeah. Those idols are absolutely killing people.”

  Right as I finished, the announcer’s voice boomed from the arena, declaring the winner of the latest match.

  I quickly glanced down, my breath pausing for a second—

  Oh.

  The mage was just knocked out of the arena and the idol was intact.

  Okay, no one died. Phew.

  Crisis averted.

  “I can trust Aisha’s words,” the King said, “but who are you?”

  My head snapped back toward him, eyes glinting with mischief as a massive grin spread across my face.

  “Wait, Dad, don’t—” Daisy tried to stop him.

  Too late.

  “Born and raised in the great Big Dicks Valley, I shocked my entire village when I was born with a legendary 14-inch dic—”

  “HE’S EVAN.”

  Daisy cut me off with a speed that suggested prior experience.

  “Evan of the Silver Daemons tribe. The guy who saved us from the Goblin Army. And Evangelion. When she went berserk.”

  The King hummed, stroking his chin. “Oh, so that’s him?”

  From the side, the girl with the gigantic forehead snapped her fan open, hiding most of her face. “You actually associate with this inelegant fellow?”

  Hide your face all you want, I can still see your forehead from a mile away.

  The King finally addressed Daisy. “Do you trust him?”

  Daisy sighed, giving me one long look before turning back to her father.

  “Despite his entire personality… there’s no one I’d trust him or Evangeline more.”

  “I see…” The King’s expression darkened as he went into deep thought. “So someone is using the tournament for their own gain, huh?”

  I shrugged. “Could be the cultists again.”

  I said it like it was a minor inconvenience, like we were talking about a mildly annoying neighbor rather than a dangerous organization.

  “I don’t know if they’re running sick experiments or if there’s some bigger agenda, but something similar was happening in the Elven Kingdom.”

  I laid it all out—clear and direct.

  Not because I wanted to solve this.

  Heck, I didn’t even want to be involved.

  If I was going to be in this tournament, then technically that meant I was partially responsible for people dying if I didn’t at least try to raise some awareness.

  Which was exactly why I was telling the King and Queen about this.

  Even though I still didn’t trust them.

  “Oh dear…” The Queen murmured, placing a hand over her mouth. “Maybe they’re killing off our prisoners?”

  The King nodded. “Possible. Or perhaps redirecting damage is simply how those idols function.”

  I took that as my cue.

  “Well, whatever it is, can you guys take care of it? I’m here with my family, so I’ll be going back.”

  I turned, ready to gracefully exit by jumping out of the booth—

  “Wait.”

  I stopped mid-step as the King’s voice rang out.

  “This will take some time to fix,” he continued. “Until then, I have a proposition for you.”

  I turned back around. “I’m expensive.”

  The girl with the gargantuan forehead let out a sharp breath, snapping her fan shut and pointing it at me like a weapon.

  “This fool! Do you think you can bargain with royalty!?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “…Yeah?”

  Her eye twitched.

  “I’m literally doing it right now. In front of you. You can’t stop me.” I grinned.

  Her face turned red with rage as she shot to her feet. “This basta—!”

  Before she could finish, the Queen herself placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

  Daisy let out a very tired sigh.

  The King, clearly unfazed by the chaos, spoke again. “At least listen to my proposition first.”

  I crossed my arms. “Alright, shoot.”

  “I want you to become my champion.”

  Huh.

  “It will take us a while to find the perpetrator,” he continued. “In the meantime, you enter the arena and fight all the contestants today and win by knocking them out of the ring? Of course, your rank will also increase per win.”

  I tapped my chin. “Hmmm…”

  Actually.

  Isn’t this the best-case scenario for me?

  I wouldn’t have to waste time waiting for my turn—I could just challenge everyone at once. The sooner I won, the sooner I could get down to business with Aisha and Walter once they were free.

  Win-win.

  “Okay, King. I accept.”

  The King told me to wait until they called me down to the field, so I headed back to the VIP lounge.

  Turns out, leaving Luna and Aisha alone had been a great idea.

  By the time I got back, Tifa was sitting between them, acting as a human firewall between whatever had been brewing before.

  Luna still looked salty. Aisha?

  Having the time of her life.

  I sighed and filled Luna in on what was happening and why we were being sneaky about it.

  It wasn’t much, but at the very least, it got her to stop looking like a war chief preparing for battle.

  For now.

  Barely two minutes later, the announcer’s voice boomed across the arena.

  “And now… our next match! Once again, stepping into the arena… Ugh, BIG DICK RICHARD!”

  Oh, this was gonna be fun.