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Chapter 11: The embrace of anger (Kana)

  ~ Why did I even save him from the wolves? Nothing forced me to. If I had let him get devoured, no one would have ever known that an intruder made it all the way to Sylvheim while I was in charge of the barrier. I'm sure Keros and the others would have gdly feasted on him. Though… he does look a bit tough to chew.

  — Kana!

  I jolt out of my thoughts, suddenly remembering that I’m kneeling before Mother, and about to be lectured. I grit my teeth and apologize as politely as I , despite the lump e stu my throat. It took residen me long ago and has never left since. Sometimes, I maet it's there, but the moment something irritates me even slightly, it tightens around my rynx again. Then, the simple fact that I was able tet its presence fills me with an intense anger, and I always end up losing trol. The only exception is when Mother looks at me with her transparent eyes. My mind clears, and I regain my senses. Of course, I wasn’t always like this.

  ~ It all started that day! No, probably even before…

  — I don’t hold anything against you, so there’s o get so worked up.

  ~ Once again, Mother has read me like an open book.

  — So… I’m not going to be punished?

  — I know how seriously you take your mission. Do I seem like the kind of mother who would punish her most devoted children?

  — No, that’s not what I meant. Sorry, I’m just… fused.

  — Rex, I’m only teasing, she says with a childlike smile stretg across her lips.

  ~ It’s not every day I see that kind of smile on Mother’s face. Is it the arrival of the traveler that’s put her in such a good mood?

  — Mother, may I ask you a question? I stand up to face her.

  — Oh? Why being so serious all of a sudden? Go ahead, my child.

  — Do you really trust him?

  — You mearaveler? Are you doubting my abilities?

  As her smile vanishes suddenly, I fear I may have upset her with my foolish question.

  ~ Of course, she trusts him—she saw his soul and invited him to her table. But still, a traveler has no pce among us, the ones society has cast aside. This family is all we have left. If I were to lose everything again…

  — I uand your hesitation about letting a potential threat into our midst, especially when our survival is already sile.

  — Then—

  — But never fet this, my child. We are the sole architects of that fragility. We chose this way of life, and we must take responsibility for it. Tell me, Kana, what do you think of those nobles who cower behind their walls and look down on the peasants fighting for survival every day?

  — I hate them. My blood will tio boil, and my hands will op trembling until I have strangled every st one of them, I answer with calm and hoy.

  These words were not driven by ahey left my mouth as naturally as gusts of wind rushing through a brea the mountains—sudden and sharp. I expect Mother to reprimand me for such words, which far exceed the limits of propriety, but she doesn’t even flinch.

  — Now tell me, in what way are we any different from those nobles, hiding away endlessly in this forest without a care for the rest of the world from which we are cut off?

  — What?! That’s—no, e on, that’s pletely different. You gave us a pce to sleep and a family to protect, to those of us abandoned by the world.

  — That’s right. And it is because I opened my mind to the outside world that I was able to find you and save you in time. So why does it surprise you that I would wish to help a young man who has lost his way?

  I stammer, trying to form a reply, but I ’t find a ving argument.

  — The world may have abandoned you once, but that is no reason for you to abandon the world, Kana. I sincerely hope that one day, you will be able tive it.

  ~ Five?! How could I? That word vanished from my vocabury the day I lost everything… or rather, the day everything was taken from me. The day they took everything from me.

  — You know very well that it’s impossible, I g my fists so tightly my nails dig into my skin, h on the edge of my posure.

  — Nothing is impossible for those who open their hearts. But let’s set aside talk of vengeance for now. Don’t you think you might be unfairly direg your hatred at this young man, who has nothing to do with your suffering?

  — I don’t hate him. Not particurly…

  ~ No, she’s probably right. Aaaah, this is infuriating. Why are Mother’s words always so painfully accurate? It’s as if she knows me better than I know myself. No… she definitely does. After all, I would be nothing without her.

  — Or perhaps, she turns her head toward Sasha as if sulting her, could it be the troubles of a young girl in love?

  ~ What?! What is she even talking about all of a sudden?!

  — It is true that such matters are fitting for her age, Sasha tinues as though making a medical diagnosis. I hate this way of speaking of her. The heart of an adolest is as imperable as the path of the Vahna.

  — By the fangs of a horned viper, you’ve pletely lost your minds!

  ~ Damn it! I lost my temper and even swore in front of Mother!

  — Your cheeks are as red as your hair, Kana, Mother says in an amused tone.

  — Have you fotten my ability to detect lies? Sasha adds in that same ral voice of hers, making it hard to tell when she’s joking unless you’re used to it.

  — Pfff, would you please stop making fun of me?

  — My apologies, my apologies, Mother says with her usual childlike smile. Enough teasing. If you feel her hatred nor love toward him, then you won’t mind showing him around tomorrow m.

  — You mean…

  Sasha seems just as fused as I am. Then she shakes her head and sighs in resignation.

  — What? Do you obje staying the night? What kind of host would I be if I let my guest leave in the middle of the night?

  — But, Mother! There are limits to how much trust this stranger.

  — If, after hearing his story, you still don’t trust him, then you keep an eye on him during the night.

  As frustrating as it is, if Mother has made up her mind, there’s nothing I do to oppose her. Only Sasha has that power, and she seems resigned as well. I accept, my voice making no effort to hide what I think of the situation, then turn on my heel before Mother notices the vein pulsing on my forehead.

  Once I pass through the curtain, I stop to savor my anger. I don’t remember when I started doing this, but it’s bee a habit. Every time I get angry, I feel strangely reassured, as if this familiar heat rising inside me is proof that I’m still myself.

  Even though Mother took me in and gave me a p this loving home where everyone pretends their lives are fwless, my anger is the only thing that truly feels like home. It was my sole paniohe world abandoned me. It gave me the strength to fight, to survive, to one day exact my reve burns away my fears and doubts, and the thought that it might one day fade fills me with unease.

  So, for now, I breathe, letting that heat e my core and rise to my throat.

  ~ My bde has not yet dulled.

  — Was it really a good idea to leave this to Kana? Sasha’s muffled voice reaches me through the curtain.

  I know I shouldn’t, but I, too, want to know what Mother is thinking, so I stay hidden and listen to their versation.

  ~ If this mysterious woman fides in a only be Sasha.

  — His mere presence is enough to throw Kana pletely off bance, Sasha argues.

  — That is precisely why I wao ha.

  — You be quite cruel sometimes. Is this some kind of punishment for earlier?

  — As I’ve already said, I have no iion of punishing a child as dedicated as she is.

  — Then why? You could have asked Natsuki or Mai—

  — I want it to be Kana. It has been six years since she came to live among us. Don’t you think it’s about time she fets, like the others?

  ~ WHAT?! She wants me tet?! I’m sorry, Mother, but I am not as weak as the rest of them. Rather than fet my pain, I would rather savor it.

  — Kana’s case is… different. And even so, I don’t see how this young man could offer her the salvation we failed to provide.

  — As you say, none of us have been able to save her. If this young man awaken something within her, perhaps he will be able to carry away her sorrows, like the wind sweeping fallen autumn leaves.

  — No offense, but the autumn wind heralds the arrival of frost. Aren’t you afraid this could have the opposite effect?

  — Your judgment is always thoughtful and wise, but sometimes, when logic fails, one must take a gamble on the unknown.

  — Yours, however, is always obscure and senseless, Sasha sighs. A, for some reason beyond my uanding, it always turns out better than mine, she adds with a trace of frustration in her voice. I wish I could see even a tenth of what you see, but I have no choice but to follow you blindly.

  — Your trust iouches my heart.

  — If I may ask a question, what did you see when you looked into his soul?

  I was just about to leave, more irritated than ever, but that question grabs my attention like ivy ing around my ankle.

  ~ Do I even have the right to know what Mother sees through her transparent eyes? She never speaks of it, to the point that it has bee a taboo subject among the members of the Geika. And why does this even i me in the first po matter what his soul is made of, I 't trust some weak, lost, and ignorant fool. Who knows what kind of influence he might have received iy?

  — You want to know what I saw in his soul? I swallow the lump in my throat and press my ear as close to the curtain as possible. A sed one.

  — What? What do you mean by that?

  — Nothing more or less than what my words imply. There was a sed soul h above his own, watg over him with a faint but genuine glow.

  ~ A sed soul?! That’s utterly impossible. Humans are given a soul at birth, shape and color it throughout their lives, aurn it with their final breath. A single ination ot possess more than one soul at a time.

  — But that’s… absurd! Sasha excims, taking the words right out of my mouth.

  — Ahat is what I saw. Do you doubt my eyes?

  — You know I don’t… I uand now why you’re so ied in this young man.

  — I know someone else who doesn’t seem entirely ued either, Mother suddenly says in a slightly louder voice—just enough for me to hear her clearly.

  I blush with shame before bolting up the stairs at full speed, pletely flustered.

  ~ How could I ever think I could spy on Mother without her notig?

  Oside, I take a deep breath to calm my thoughts.

  ~ What’s the point of thinking about it? Tomorrow, he’ll be gone.

  A wave of sweet aromas suddenly reaches my nose, soothing me pletely. My stomach then speaks up louder than a wailing infant. Whenever I get angry, I always end up starving, as if my inner fire burns through everything in its path.

  I pass by the kits and take the small staircase leading to the dining hall. As I push past the curtain of animal hide, I stop to take in the lively se unfolding before me. Everyone is gathered around the table, ughing as Ishizora pys with the children.

  ~ Or would it be more accurate to say that the children are pying with Ishizora?

  He runs around the long, single wooden table that fills the room, a small creature under each arm, one ging to each leg, anripping his neck, a another perched on his head, gleefully tugging at his hair. The remaining children eagerly wait for their turn to ride this peculiar mount. The spectators cp their hands in encement, with Mai at the front of the crowd.

  ~ Gosh, what’s gotten into them? It’s like they’ve already accepted him! Am I the only one here who’s being cautious? Even if that’s the case, this is way too fast. They’ve only known him for a few minutes, and he already seems like part of the family.

  — Well, well? What’s going on here? Mother asks as she steps into the room, followed closely by her shadow, Sasha. It’s quite lively today—we could hear the ughter from outside.

  Everyone freezes on the spot, returning sileo the room, save for a few stifled giggles hidden behind a wall of bodies. The crowd parts, revealing the source of the otion to Mother. Ishizora, oblivious to the sudden shift in atmosphere, tinues his set of push-ups, with three children sitting on his back, enthusiastically ting along.

  Mai whispers something to him, aops mid-push-up, bang on one hand. The children, caught off guard by the sudden end of their amusement, blink in fusion. Mai helps them climb down, and Ishizora stands up to face Mother, who has already taken a few steps toward him.

  ~ His smile suddenly turn into a clumsy expression. Serves him right—that will teach him not to act like he owns the pce…

  — I see they’ve already grown quite fond of you, Mother says with a warm smile. You didn’t have to stop because of me.

  — No, on the trary, your arrival saved me, Ishizora replies with an embarrassed smile. These kids would’ve wor soon enough.

  — What are you saying? It takes more than that to tire you out, doesn’t it? She eyes Ishizora, who stammers awkwardly.

  The atmosphere rexes, the crains its cheerful mood, and ughter fills the room once more.

  ~ Why are they chatting so casually like old friends? I’ve rarely seen Mother in such a good mood. And everyone else too… Just because he’s a little strong doesn’t mean—

  — Do you have something to say, Kana? Mother asks, as if she had read my thoughts.

  I remember she just caught me eavesdropping earlier and decide it’s best to keep a low profile.

  — No, nothing at all, Mother, I blend in with the others to slip out of her line of sight.

  — DINNER’S READY! Suddenly shouts a man at the other end of the room, standing at the bottom of the staircase that ects the dining hall to the kits.

  He freezes, looking perplexed at the se he just interrupted, drawing every eye to him in an awkward silence.

  — Uuh… am I interrupting something?

  — Thank you, Gustavio, Mother replies reassuringly.

  — EVERYOO THE TABLE! Bellows a broad-shouldered man in his forties.

  The otion resumes as everyone scrambles to find a seat. With Mother sitting at the far right end of the table and Ishizora at the far left, I take a spot in the middle. Mother chats cheerfully with the elders, while the younger ones gather around Ishizora, ughiily. I sigh in relief at the sight which is not so different from usual.

  ~ I’ll do whatever it takes to protect these smiles. Even if no one believes in me anymore, even if I have to go against their will, I will tio watch over them from the shadows.

  Meanwhile, Ishizora tells his adventures, which the younger ones drink in with endless fasation.

  — And what happened ? Asks one of them.

  — Turns out, the cave I had hidden in to escape the grizzlion was actually its home. I barely made it out that night.

  His audies in ughter, and Ishizora no longer seems as tense as when he first arrived.

  ~ What could they possibly find iing in these obviously fabricated tales? No human could escape a situation like that. A grizzlion run up to 70 km/h when it’s angry. Maybe he really is capable of it—after all, this is the man who almost outran the sacred wolves… What’s the point ihinking it? Ohing’s for sure—he must have been born under a lucky star.

  The food finally arrives, carried by Natsuki and the team of cooks, apanied by a few ten-year-old children who volunteered to help. Today’s meal is venison stew.

  ~ Looks like Anissa aeam of hunters had a successful m.

  As both a garnish and a vegetable, the modest pieeat submerged in a bowl of broth is topped with a mubanda flower, whose bitter-tasting purple petals make it rather unpopur with the children. However, it is packed with nutrients and blooms even in the darkest ers of this forest.

  ~ Good grief, they could’ve at least seaso.

  Just as I’m about to give up oals and sink my teeth into the juicy pieeat, I hear the children gasp in surprise at Ishizora, who is dev his flower as if it were a piece of bread.

  — You’re not put off by the bitter taste?! Asks Mai in admiration.

  — Oh, is this bitter? Sorry, after years of eating anything soft enough to swallow—and surviving multiple near-death experiences—I’ve pretty muy sense of taste, he replies with that foolish grin I despise, as if Historia’s wilderness were some kind of pleasant pyground where nothing truly harm you, even if you’re poisoned or weakened.

  — I find it hard to believe you’ve survived this long in the wild without any knowledge of edible pnts. Avoid fing around here—a third of the pnts in this forest would either drive you insane or cause internal heming.

  ~ Well, those two seem to be getting along. Mai, don’t tell me… No, that ’t be.

  Out of pure pride, I eat my flower petals and tinue eavesdropping. Suddenly, Natsuki barges in, plopping himself down on the bench between the lovebirds, pining as usual.

  — You’ve got to be kidding me! I went through all this trouble i just to impress my new friend, and it turns out he has dysfunal taste buds?!

  — It’s true that you put in a real effort this time, Mai admits, as Natsuki nods in proud agreement. Even shed a little blood.

  Everyone who hears this st remark immediately starts iing their broth, as if they had just lost a tooth in it.

  — I don’t know what you’re talking about, Natsuki denies, hastily hiding his left hand uhe table.

  — Don’t worry, you know what they say… uh, what do they say again? Ishizora wonders, while Natsuki gres at him impatiently.

  — All that ts is the thought? Suggests Anissa, sitting among the children.

  — That’s it! Exactly what I meant to say!

  — That’s my best friend right there! Natsuki excims, moved. You really know how to talk to a man.

  Laughter erupts once again, assaulting my left ear, until Mother restores order with a fes of her spoon, bringing back a soothing silence.

  — As you all already know, we have a guest tonight. While it’s not often that we receive visitors in this cozy little hideaway, I would like you to treat him as one of our own until his departure. He brings us tales of the outside world, a world our aors orusted us to protect. The elders bow their heads in shame, and the younger ones imitate them without fully uanding why. We live in troubled times, and anyone who has set foot iy knows that many do not hold us in high regard. However, we ot remain forever cut off from the rest of the world. While we remain prisoners of this forest—a relic of the past left to us by our aors—the outside world is stantly evolving. If we do not wish to bee relics ourselves, it is essential that we stay informed about what happens beyond these woods.

  So, sider uest’s words as the fi of wines, and drink them with the same thirst.

  Raising her gss to clude her speech, everyone follows suit, their excitement palpable. Having just been pared to a free-flowing barrel of celr wine, Ishizora does not share the same enthusiasm. Besieged with questions from all sides, he ahem oer another, reting his jouro an audience so silent I hardly believe it—especially ing from the children. Even the few slow eaters who haven’t yet fiheir ptes put down their utensils, unwilling to miss a siail from the young man’s six-year-long odyssey.

  ~ Six years?! Without entering a single vilge or human?!

  Su absurd lie almost makes me ugh, but since everyone else seems to be taking it seriously, I hold back.

  ~ How they swallow suonsehis isn’t some pii the grass of an Aragane park! Few would dare to spend even a single day in this deadly wilderness, let alone six years. When I first saw him stumble into our meadow, I could tell he had been on a long journey, but to think I was the first person he had spoken to in six years? No, that must be a lie.

  — I did e across a few bandits here and there, but I always made sure to avoid them, he says with that ever-irritating nonce.

  — This is the first time I’ve heard of bandits living outside the walls, a female voice remarks in surprise from the right side of the table.

  — To survive in the wild while making a living off monster captures, begins a man from the same side in a sarcastie, they must be at least as dangerous as you were that time you tried to py hide-and-seek with the children and spent the whole night searg for them while they had gone home long before.

  — Oh, Marco! You promised you wouldn’t bring that up again!

  Laughter erupts once more around the table, even reag Ishizora’s lips, which have now pletely rexed.

  — And before that? Asks Mother.

  — Before that?

  — Yes, before you set off on your adventure. You must have started your journey somewhere.

  — Of course. But, I’m not sure how to answer.

  — Surely you remember the name of your hometown? Ask a broad-shouldered man sitting to Mother’s right.

  — A town?! No, no. Where I e from has nothing to do with one of those os of white sto’s more like a… hut. That’s it, a hut! A small wooden hut, lost deep in the forest.

  Surprise spreads across all faces and lips, rising like m dew. Among the murmurs, I am relieved to finally hear doubt creeping in. To ter this doubt, a new line of reasoning emerges: his long survival in the wild would make sense if he had always lived there.

  ~ Justifying one absurdity with ahey’ve truly fallen low.

  — So, you’ve lived in the wild your whole life? Asks Mai, cutting through the whispers.

  — No, I didn’t stay in that hut for long. An old man took me in and cared for me for two years before he left this world.

  — An old man?!

  — He old me his name.

  — And before that?

  — A plete bnk. I don’t remember anything, he admits sheepishly. The old man said he fou the foot of a cliff, badly injured. He nursed me back to health, and since I couldn’t remember anything—not even my name—he named me Ishizora, after a stone fallen from the sky.

  Silence falls over the room, a mix of doubt and surprise hanging in the air.

  ~ There it is! He finally slipped up. After this, I doubt anyone around this table will still believe his nonsense. I don’t know what trick he’s using to deceive Mother and Sasha, but I see right through his little game. I also don’t know why he’s trying to win the favor of the Shinzuits, but whether he’s just a freeloader or a potential threat, I won’t tolerate his presence among us any longer.

  — So, your name means big lump?! Natsuki cuts in, blowing away the tension in the room with a single joke and repg it with tagious ughter.

  Only the elders remain deep in thought, the only ones aware of how slim the ces of survival are for a young boy with no memories and an old man for sole pany.

  ~ I ’t stay silent any longer.

  — If you really lived in the wild for so long, I begin, raising my voice just enough to force everyoo listen, then you must know it’s crawling with feroohat attaything that moves—not to mention Tea’s spies and these so-called bandits you cim to have entered so often. You don’t actually expect us to believe that a twelve-year-old boy with amnesia and an old man oh’s doorstep could survive peacefully in such a hostile enviro?

  ~ I had to raise my voice, but it seems to have worked. The foolish smiles have disappeared, and silence has returned. People need sileo think, and doubt only be born from refle. What I’m doing is right—reasoning is always the right thing.

  — What you’re saying is true. After my fall, I was the weakest of creatures. Incapable of speed pletely ignorant. I would have undoubtedly died the first time I entered a beast of the forest. But for some reason I don’t uand, none of those creatures ever came he hut. To be ho, I spent aire year unaware of how dangerous the wild truly was. The old man forbade me from wandering off and dedicated his days to teag me about the world and martial arts. Language came bae quickly, but aside from that, everythiaught me was new, and his knowledge of nature seemed endless.

  — After a year, he decided I was ready to veside and took me on my first hunt. That was the first time I ever saw a wild creature. I was fasated by such beauty capable of such strength and cruelty. But with the old man by my side, I never felt threatened. On the trary, the creatures were powerless against my mentor’s hunting tactics.

  — When he passed away and I began my journey, I realized that everything he had taught me over those two years had only one purpose—to prepare me for his departure. He knew he didn’t have much time left, so he did everything he could to make sure I could fend for myself wheime came. The rest, I learhrough experience. I won’t tell you I’ve never been in danger or that I never came close to dying. Quite the opposite actually—that was my everyday reality.

  — And why did you keep going without giving up? Asks a small child’s voice.

  — Why…? He repeats, sounding fused as his gaze drifts into the void.

  — That’s true, Mai chimes in. Without any memories of your past, you didn’t have a reason to fight all those years. Normally, no one survives such adversity without an exceptional will to live.

  — Maybe it’s precisely because I didn’t remember anything… I couldn’t accept dying without knowing who I am or where I e from, not even knowing if someone will be waiting for me to return their whole life, in vain.

  From his hesitant void averted gaze, I tell it’s just a facade—a carefully crafted argument. The real truth remains hidden behind his tightly pressed lips, and it seems Mother and Sasha have also noticed. Their perceptive eyes narrow in suspi.

  — In the end, I think I was just lucky, Ishizora tirying to end the versation before Mother uncover his secret.

  — LUCKY?! I repeat, jumping to my feet, my anger awakened like a bucket of cold water thrown over me, and showing no signs of fading. This world isn’t kind enough to let abandoned kids survive, no matter how strong they are. Because at the end of the game, it’s he stro who win—not even the fastest or the most ingenious. No matter your principles, your efforts, and your sacrifices, in the end, cruelty always triumphs. If that weren’t the case, none of us would be here. Remember, fod’s sake! Are we here because we were weak? I ask, sweeping my gaze across the assembly as everyone lowers their heads. That’s not true, and you know it. And it’s not because we deserved it either! We simply lost to the world's cruelty, and luck had nothing to do with it—I swear it, as surely as I stand before you.

  — If we live in a pce like this and lower our s before the people of the city, it’s not because we are weaker than them. It’s because we ran—like cowards! We removed ourselves from the world and its sadism. And now, some kid shows up out of nowhere, expeg us to believe that luck is what kept him sane in such a pce for six years, whehe stro among us were broken ihan one?! Doesn’t it bother you to be humiliated like this? To be told you simply cked "luck"?

  — That’s enough, Kana, says Mother calmly.

  — I ’t five them. Not the world, nor people like him who—

  — I SAID ENOUGH!!

  Mother’s voice echoes through the room for what feels like ay. She be harsh at times, but it’s rare to hear her raise her voice like this. I know I ’t fight back alone, so I s the room once more, hoping my speech has earned me the support of at least some of them—but every head remains bowed.

  — Fine. If you all insist oending, then I’ll carry ye alone. After all, my gss is still far from full, I murmur almost to myself, before striding away from the table.

  ? What is more vehan one-sided rage,Not shackled by reason, nor by wisdom cage.Through seasons and nds, it bzes untamed,Until, finally, the hour of judgment is cimed.

  Seldom it strikes the oo bme,And breaking free often brings greater pain.But as long as it beats within my chest,No sorrow lingers, no wound rest.

  Born of father Violence, and Injustice its mother,Let its fire never smother.For in the cold world it has made,Only its warmth keeps me from fade.

  Ah, truly, what could be more sweet,Than fury uned, anger plete? ?

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