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Chapter 12: The crack in the rock

  Kana's st words before her abrupt departure left a heavy aura at the table, apanied by an uing silenot daring to exge gnces anymore, most are simply staring at their empty ptes, trag circles with their forks. Kana's outbursts of anger arely frequent, but they are well-known and feared by all members of the Geika. After all, whes angry, it’s also for our sake, and it’s hard to remain indifferent when being told the harsh truth.

  Another reason is that her rage is so intehat it bees almost tangible, making the room feel hotter and the air heavier. Suger in the body of a teenager—'t be easy to bear. That’s why no one here will ever hold it against her. No, we simply e her for anything, not when it is all er that she carries on her far-too-small shoulders. If we all ugh every day, it’s because our tears flow through her eyes. If we fet the past and keep moving forward, it’s because she remembers for us. And when we sed ourselves of all our pain, it is in the river of her fury that it found refuge, fueling her burning desire for vengeance.

  Deep down, we are all grateful to her, so whes angry like this, we only feel guilty for making her carry the weight of the world in our stead. I hope that one day, someone will be able to stand by her side to share that burden and free her from all her suffering.

  — Did I say something inappropriate? Asks poor Ishizora with a siroubled face. If I did, I’m truly sorry. I haven’t seen other humans in so long… When I arrived here, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could even make some friends… I fot, for a moment, that I am nothing more than a visitor who knows nothing, and in the end, I hurt one of your own.

  He looks around, searg for someoo tell him otherwise, but all those who had weled him with open arms just moments ago now remain locked away behind thick emotional walls. Seeing this, a deep sense of shame stirs within me.

  — I don’t belong here among you. I’ll leave now, he finally says while standing up, sino one seems willing to stop him.

  ~ Why does it have to end like this? This isn’t his fault… Well, in a way, it is, but he is also a victim in this story. I ’t accept that he leaves like this!

  — Ishizora—

  — Stay! Please, Mother pleads, cutting me off after I had already leaped to my feet, ready to block his way with my body if words weren’t enough to stop him. We’re all just a little tired, so please five us, as well as my daughter. I promise you; she has nothing personal against you. It’s just… our family is plicated… and she has vinced herself that she must bear all the responsibilities alone. Sihis isn’t the first time you’ve met her, you must have noticed how stubborn she is. And sometimes, she just… breaks. I am certain that by tomorrow, everything will be better.

  — Tomorrow? He repeats, perplexed.

  — What kind of host would I be if I let my guest leave in the middle of the night? I know it’s not very proper of me to ask this after what just happened, but would you be willing to stay with us for just one night? If you don’t mind, I’d like to tihis discussion one-oomorrow m. After that, you’ll be free to leave wherever you wish. What do you say?

  ~ I’ve rarely seen Mother bow with such courtesy. If she’s pleading with him this much, it means there’s something about him that is her. Mother, you are not thinking that…

  — Natsuki! Could you guide him to the dormitory and prepare a bed for him?

  — Yes Mother! Natsuki agrees with more serioushan he’s usually capable of.

  — If you insist so much, it would be impolite to refuse your kindness, Ishizora finally accepts, bringing smiles back to everyone’s face. I would be happy to spend the night here before resuming my jouromorrow m.

  His st words cast a chill over the smiles in bloom—especially on the lips of the children who have already grown fond of him.

  — Mister, you're leaving? Asks a small voice, tugging on Ishizora’s sleeve.

  — Just like life itself, my journey tinues, Ishizora says after croug down to the child's level, a warm smile on his face. And so does yours. Our paths may part here, but it’s just a fork in the road. If my six years of surviving in the wild have taught me anything, it’s that life is full of endless crossroads, and we ever predict where our choices will take us. So, who knows? Maybe we’ll meet again someday. And when that day es, I’ll have ten times more amusing stories to tell.

  In respoo this toug speech—perhaps too plex for a young child to fully uand—the little one suddenly throws himself into Ishizora’s arms. The surprise is written all over Ishizora’s fa rge letters, while his eyes begin to glisten with moisture.

  ~ It may be the first time he receives a gesture of affe in six years.

  — Heyyy! What do you think you’re doing to my buddy? Natsuki intervenes, prying the child off Ishizora. He might look tough, but he’s got a sensitive heart! Yonna break him if you hug him like that.

  In respoo Natsuki’s legendary ck of tact, the child bursts into real tears, much to Natsuki’s embarrassment as he desperately tries to calm him down. Anissa finally steps in, pulling the poor child out of Natsuki’s grasp, not without shooting him a sharp gre.

  — What? What did I do? Natsuki asks, utterly devoid of guilt.

  And suddenly, I hear a sound for the very first time.

  A sound that makes my heart tremble and my lips stretto a smile, almost automatically. I quickly realize that I’m not the only one experieng these strange symptoms—everyone in the room is left speechless, their irises quivering, their lips curving into smiles, as they witness what may be the first genuine ughter of the solitary traveler.

  The one who, until now, had never known human warmth, is now glowing like a bzing fire, flooding the room with a gentle warmth—ohat is very different from the oppressive heat from earlier. I’d even say it’s… refreshing. Perhaps in an effort to preserve this newfound freshness, everyone visibly holds back, allowing Ishizora’s voice aloo fill the room with its powerful echo.

  ~ This might be the first time he’s truly rexed in six years.

  Just thinking about it sends a chill down my spihen, as always, Natsuki shatters the moment’s veil with a deadpan remark about how even a caveman learn to ugh like everyone else. That’s when the dam finally bursts—ughter erupts all around the table, flooding the room in a wave of pure joy. It’s impossible not to get swept up in the collective ughter, a cathartic release of all the tension that had gripped the room just moments ago. Such sincere hirity only arise from a spirit of solidarity and mutual trust, strengthening my belief that this clumsy man belongs here.

  Here, in Sylvheim.

  ~ Hasn’t he wandered in solitude long enough? Isn’t it time for him to experiehe joys and struggles of living in a unity? I absolutely must talk to Mother about this tonight—before it’s too te.

  When the ughter finally fades, Ishizora excuses himself, g exhaustion, and leaves with Natsuki toward the dormitories. The children follow suit, and those responsible for the dishes disappear with the ptes, while I remain deep in thought, repying the extraordinary stories of the amnesiac adventurer. Before long, I find myself aloh the group of elders still seated at the other end of the table.

  — Are you sure it’s a good idea to leave those two together? Asks Ram, the family’s bcksmith, direg his question at Mother.

  — I uand your s, but she’ll have to move forward one day.

  ~ It seems they’re talking about Ishizora and Kana, but I’m not sure I’m supposed to be listening to this versation… Did they fet I was here while my mind wandered? Oh well, they’re the ones whht it up in my presehey ’t bme me ter.

  — Let’s just hope it doesn’t make her go backward instead… Replies Ram.

  — When you’re backed against a wall, the only way is forward, says Mother with her usual knack for stating the obvious. Sometimes, though, it takes a few jolts to take that first step.

  — A few jolts… echoes Ram in a thoughtful and faintly amused tone.

  — Anyway, do you believe his story? Asks Sasha, ging the subject, sihing is more poihan a debate where Mother has already made up her mind. He didn’t seem to be lying, but my ability to detect lies isn’t perfect, and I find it a bit hard to swallow.

  — It’s true that if the world were gentle enough for a teeo survive six years alone in the wild, we wouldn’t o hide behind a magical barrier, admits Ram with a long sigh. And Kana uands that very well. Besides, memory isn’t something that just vanishes ht without a trace. In six years, he should have remembered something—at least his name, or that of a family member.

  — There are some things we’d rather not remember, replies Mother. Who uand that better than us? As for his survival in the wilderness, I believe he simply doesn’t realize that he was ruly alone.

  — What do you mean by that? Asks Ram.

  — Are you referring to what your eyes revealed to you earlier? Guesses Sasha, Mother's silence firming it. The sed soul…

  ~ What? What is this about a sed soul? And why are they discussing such taboo topi front of me? Aside from Sasha and maybe Ram, Mother alks about her visions with anyone. Have they really not noticed that I’m still here? Am I that easy to ignore?! I wao beg Mother to let him join the Geika, but there’s no way I interrupt them now… I should probably slip away quietly before even more sensitive information spills out.

  — A sed soul?! Excims Ram apparently uninformed just as I discreetly rise from the table aoward the kits.

  — There’s more to it than that, Mother admits, just as I’m two steps away from the exit.

  ~ Ooh, damn it. This is definitely something I’m not supposed to know, but now that I’ve already heard more than I should, if I don’t listen until the end, I’ll never be able to sleep tonight. That’s right, I’m just doing it to protect my sleep. I’m not doing anything wrong. No, nothing wrong.

  — What do you mean by that?

  — It's just a feeling, but… spirits seem to like him a lot.

  — So that’s what that glowing aura around him was? Sasha excims. I thought I was going crazy.

  — An aura? Ram repeats, perplexed. I didn’t see anything that extravagant.

  — Your vision is still blog yift, Mother expins to Sasha. That’s why you ’t clearly distinguish spiritual entities—only the energy that radiates from them. If you could see through my eyes, you would have seen a dozen tiny benevolent beings orbiting around him.

  — I swear, Ram sighs, reag for his gss. Listening to the two of you, I’m starting to think I’m the odd o for only seeing what’s actually visible.

  — Is it reted to the presence of his sed soul? Sasha asks curiously, ign the grumbler.

  — That, I ’t say… but ohing’s for sure—it’s piqued my curiosity. I hope to learn more about him tomorrow.

  I qui my pace toward the kits, spurred by a growing sense of guilt. After wishing a good night to the dishwashers who are just finishing, I step outside to take a deep breath of fresh air, hoping to calm my thoughts.

  ~ On sed thought, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep anytime soon. Maybe I should take a little walk?

  From Sylvheim, a discreet and little-known path winds about thirty meters into the forest before opening onto a tiny beach fag the Milky O—named after its smooth as oil surface, stretg endlessly into the horizon. As I make my way there, my mind repys the versation I just overheard.

  ~ I knew ce could see souls, but I also thought I khat one human equals one soul. When a living being dies, its soul, uo remain in a lifeless body, seeks a newborn to reinate into. Thus, hosts ge, but a soul never withers, and the cycle of reination tinues. If a soul ever chose not to reinate—assuming human will resides in the soul—it would break the cycle and, in doing so, defy the ws of nature… And then, a single body really harbor two souls at o’s absurd. And then there was that talk about spirits too… Aaaah, I’m going to drive myself crazy if I keep thinking about it.

  — But just who are you, mysterious traveler… I murmur aloud as I reach the shore.

  My eyes follow the silver path left by the moon on the oil-slick water stretg into the distance, when an anomaly in the ndscape catches my attention. There’s someoting on the sand, feet ier. Looking closer, and sidering who might be here at this hour, it only be Kana. She was so still that I had first mistaken her for part of the sery.

  ~ I wasn’t pnning on talking to anyone, least of all Kana, but she seems to have calmed down. And besides, I feel like dipping my feet in too.

  — You came to talk seo me? She asks calmly as I sit down beside her—her too close nor too far.

  — What? No, not at all—

  — Don’t bother. I already know what yoing to say.

  — Oh really? I wasn’t pnning on saying anything…

  — You think I’m unfairly taking my anger out on him too, don’t you?

  ~ Oh great, I just wao enjoy the moonlight in peace…

  — You know I’m not in a position to tell you who to direct yer at, Kana. I don’t have that right… No one does. But if you let me be pletely ho with you, I think that hating him and being wary of him are two different things. In my opinion, that boy belongs with us. You must have felt it too.

  — You’re right… She replies with a long sigh. Though it took me an hour of staring at the horizon to reach that clusion.

  ~ I’ve never seen her so down before. I suppose she feels guilty about earlier, yet she still ’t bring herself to believe she was wrong.

  — He fit right into the Geika in just one evening, she tinues. Something I haven’t mao do in all these years.

  — But Kana, what are you talking about? Everyone here loves you and accepts you as you are.

  — Don’t mistake respeere pity.

  Her words hit me like a sp in the face, and though my lips part to refute them, no words e to mind. That frustrates me.

  — You think I haven’t noticed the way you all look at me? I get as angry as I want, say the most horrible things, and none of you will ever hold it against me. You’re even… grateful! Sure, I’ve taken on all your burdens, your dark thoughts. I devoured them without leaving a single crumb, all so I could bee a wretched being, faithless and wless. You’re mistaken if you think you’ve unloaded yer onto me—because I chose to bear it. To make myself stronger, as tough as granite, so I’d never again lose to the cruelty of the world.

  ~ A wretched being? Kana? How she have such a low opinion of herself?

  — I did all this for myself, just as much as I did for you. For myself, because I hate the girl who was too weak to fight when she o the most. Anger gives me a sense of power, a reassurahat lets me five myself by thinking: “You were simply too young back then, your shoulders too small. But today, you wouldn’t let the same tragedy happen again”. She says while holding her hand in front of her eyes. And for you, because I want to be able to protect you. I don’t care what you think of me, as long as I fight in your pce—just as so many people once fought in mine.

  ~ I uand that feeling all too well. We all want to protect each other, so why must she be the only one fighting? Someone whose whole life has been a battle—doesn’t she deserve some rest?

  — But tell me, Mai—do you think it’s easy to keep carrying this weight without ever fiving, when I myself am stantly being fiven? I know you all mean well, but your empathy is the most virulent poison to me. It erodes the walls I worked so hard to build, melts the stone I sculpted in my own image. In the end, the ones I sought strength for are also the ones weakening me.

  She catches me off guard with this sudden wave of despair. I ime to find the right words, time in which our ears are soothed by the gentle pping of the starry o. Bathed in starlight, Kana’s face remains as impassive as ever. A, something about it is different. It’s just a feeling, of course—not something visible, like a fw in a pattern or a mispced stain. No, it’s more like a hairline cra a rock—so fi seems ent, if not betrayed by the fragility it creates.

  No matter how hard the stone, uime’s assault, it turns to sand.

  — You’ve fought many oppos in your life, Kana. More than any of us. But if there’s one oppohat, by nature, ot be defeated alo’s oneself. Do you know the differeween you and the other Shinzuits? The reason you feel like an outsider here? It’s not because we’ve fotten—not at all. No oalks about it, but nightmares don’t just disappear so easily. The thing is, Kana, when we have a burden on our hearts—any uing us from within—we share it. You’re the one keeping yourself apart by refusing to open up to us.

  — And what difference would it make? If I suddenly spilled my heart out, said the words I never dared to say, shed the tears that never fell. No one here would uand. And that wouldn’t bring the dead back to life, she says with that same emotionless, tearless gaze—like a frozen river.

  — You might be right. No Shinzui could uand you. Which leaves only one didate.

  — What, you mean that amnesiac traveler? She looks at me in disbelief, and I meet her gaze with a firm nod. Pfff, I ’t tell if you’re trying to make me ugh or piss me off… He’s like a newborn. What could he possibly uand about human cruelty?

  — They say the truth es from the mouths of children. If there’s anyone here who could tell you your truths without holding back, it’s him.

  — As usual, you’re spouting nonsense… Is the moonlight messing with your head?

  On the trary—bathed in this gentle light, I feel clearer-headed than ever. Even Kana, it seems, isn’t immuo the moon’s warmth. She looks more at peace than I’ve ever seen her. Even her sharp remarks ck their usual sting. More importantly, the face I’ve always known to be as tense as a drawn b now seems as soft as the water’s surface, its fragile transparency able to erode eveurdiest rock.

  Faced with sutamed beauty, a thought crosses my mind—one I never imagined I’d have.

  ~ If I were a man, I would surely have fallen in love.

  As I surprise myself with this thought, something even more ued takes my breath away. Without a gnce or a word of warning, Kana’s head drops onto my p like a falling stone.

  ~ What oh got into her?!

  A moment of silent uanding follows—where time freezes and words lose their pce. I take the ce to observe her profile, particurly the delicate upturn of her nose and the small lobe of her ear, usually hiddeh her fiery mane where my hand now absentmindedly weaves through.

  For the first time, the girl before me doesn’t appear as a terrifying monster, nor as a pitiful victim deserving my sympathy. She’s just a simple teenager—young and fiery—whose fragile heart longs for joy and freedom.

  — I’m tired, she murmurs suddenly, her voice weak but steady.

  My hand stills for a moment before tinuing its slow strokes through the fiery strands shimmering uhe oonlight.

  — Rest for now. Everything will work out… I promise.

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